PSA: We’re Not Perfect

First, thank you all so much for your congratulations on my seven-year dating anniversary with Ryan yesterday. Your kind words meant a lot and both Ryan and I were very touched!

And now I have a post with a bit of a different spin for you. I’ve actually been meaning to do this post for a while now, but I’ve put it off for whatever reason.

This post is intended to let you know that Ryan and I are not perfect. We’re a happy couple for sure (I wouldn’t marry someone who makes me unhappy!), but please don’t think that we whistle while we do the dishes together and sing sweet love songs to each other while skipping to the gym holding hands every morning. (Well, sometimes we do sing while we do the dishes, but the songs we sing would likely embarrass the pants off Ryan, so I won’t share;) )

Please know that we’re a real couple. I blog about our life together, our shared and somewhat creepy love for Sadie, our random musings, date nights and our fun adventures together which are 100 percent factual, but amidst all of the fun and good times we’re bound to have disagreements.

I’m bound to get a little bitchy at times, just like he’s bound to act like a “poot.” (“Poot” is a word we snagged from the comedian Ron White. We use it to describe someone who’s being a real pain in the hiney.)

I felt the need to share this with you guys because I don’t want you to think that any relationship is perfect, let alone mine. I will say that my relationship is perfect for me and I truly believe with my whole heart that Ryan is the perfect guy for me, but I don’t want to paint a picture of this surreal couple when we’re really, really normal!

I try to keep my blog (and my life!) a very positive place. I don’t blog about how annoyed I was that Ryan left dishes in the dishwasher one night and I don’t blog about how I was being a total pain in the ass one day. It’s not something I want to dwell on (being happy is way more fun) and, truth be told, our disagreements would probably bore the heck out of you. Plus, they pass pretty quickly because we’re total sticklers for communication (your partner can’t fix the problem if they don’t know what’s wrong, after all!).

I’m not sure why I felt the need to share this other than the fact that I don’t want any of you over-examining your relationships if you’re truly happy because you see my relationship with Ryan on this blog and think that everywhere we walk flowers bloom and sun dances off our skin (like Edward Cullen). That being said, if you’re genuinely unhappy in your relationship, please know that there is someone out there who can make you feel incredibly loved and special. They just may forget to do the dishes from time to time. :D

Question of the Afternoon

What is the silliest thing you’ve ever fought about with a significant other?

Comments

  1. says

    Communication is key! We don’t fight too much because I’m so bad at fighting, and I’d rather talk things out. I love that we can joke around about things that may bother us a little but not to the extent to fight about.

      (Quote)

  2. says

    Whew! Thank goodness y’all are not perfect ;-) Though, I think you do make a lovely couple! & Sadie is quite adorable! I think it’s important that we don’t air our dirty laundry all over the internet. I mean honestly, my Mom reads my blog and I don’t need her knowing every time Chris & I argue. I’d have a million voicemails from her making sure everything is alright. Plus, who wants to read about how mad I got that Chris laid in bed while I folded 3 baskets of laundry (true story, lolz).. that’s boring and stupid.

    I love your positivity, it’s contagious!

      (Quote)

  3. says

    Whether or not Groupon makes sense from a business perspective. It’s like 7 am on a work day and I am telling J. that the nail salon I go to said she won’t participate in groupon for a variety of reasons. J. decides to come up with a hypothetical situation about why it could possibly make sense, which annoys me to no end. Finally after 30 minutes, including him following me into the bathroom as I showered, I finally said why are we arguing about a hypothetical. I am merely telling you what the lady who owns the nail salon said, let’s stop arguing.

    As you can tell we obviously have alot of time on our hands.

      (Quote)

  4. Katie says

    Love this post, Julie! Thanks for both your honesty AND your cheerfulness on the blog- it really is uplifting!

    I get really snappy when I’m hungry, so when I’m acting up, the first thing my husband asks is if I need something to eat. Then, when we were home recently, my mom mentioned to him that when I was a baby and got overstimulated by the lights/sounds/etc. wherever we were, she’d put my blanket over my head and I’d instantly calm down and usually fall asleep. Recently, I was being a biatch (for no good reason!) and DH asked if I was hungry. I snapped that I wasn’t, so he calmly took our throw blanket off the sofa and put it over my head. I was totally stunned into silence, then burst out laughing when he told me the story about his convo with my mom. No matter what, I love my husband for his patience with me and willingness to try anything to tame the moody beast :0

      (Quote)

  5. says

    Great post! And so true that relationships aren’t perfect!! But you have to be with the right person for you to make it work.

    My hubby and I believe that communication is a huge deal. He has made me better at it (like Ryan has you).. After silly fights, we forget about it so quickly and he is great at making me laugh, even during a fight.

      (Quote)

  6. says

    Love this post! We are about to celebrate our 3 year wedding anniversary anniversary next week!! But have know eachother for 8 years. Crazy how fast time goes by.. but one thing that is the dumbest thing ever is that my husband cannot take a shirt off without leaving it inside out.. so everytime I do laundry I have to switch it back.. which can be a Pain in the rear, when you have a ton of laundry done.. so now I just hang up his shirts inside out. .;)

      (Quote)

  7. says

    My husband and I “argue” over switching sides of the bed. I have “my” side and don’t want to switch(for no good reason at all) either way one night he wanted me to face the opposite way in bed and I said no and he was like fine i’ll go sleep in the other room…totally ridiculous but i still love him. and we may or may not have arguments over who loves each other more (when we are not arguing over switching sides of the bed!)

    great post Julie!

      (Quote)

  8. anon says

    I’m not in a relationship & never have been so i cant join the discussion but i just found that song sooooooooo funny hahaha. it would be wicked to sing it so i can imagine Ryan singing it hahaha

      (Quote)

  9. says

    Love you even more for this post :) I feel the same way, every day isn’t sunshine & roses (damnit why does he leave his underwear on the floor EVERY MORNING…!! :) ) but it’s about compromise and lovin’ the one you’re with!
    xoxo
    s

      (Quote)

  10. says

    Oh I have a good one! Last year at the grocery store, I asked Evan (my husband) what kind of apples he wanted. He said he “didn’t care,” which led me to believe that he was apathetic toward the food we were eating. He is just so go-with-the-flow and honestly didn’t care, but I felt like he wasn’t stating his real opinion. It was so darn ridiculous!

      (Quote)

  11. says

    I LOVE this post. I have always (since I began reading) admired your positivity, and now I also really admire your honesty.

    I can’t remember the last stupid fight my boyfriend and I had. Except that time we were watching “Say Yes to the Dress,” and he liked one dress whereas I liked a different dress. OMG I was convinced our future was doomed. He will hate my wedding dress and why even bother getting married if your husband doesn’t like your gown?!

      (Quote)

  12. janet zhwaitz says

    Our kitchen is open concept to family room and if I pop up to do something
    In the kitchen he FOLLOWS ME there while I stir or do whatever…
    We are still in sight of each other but he follows me…the dogs don’t.
    It make me nutty as he gets in the way (and usually grabs my butt
    Or boobs while in kitchen … It’s like I am his merchandise and he owns me!)

    My friends say I’m nuts to compalin about this but I need my space…
    And have the oven rack burns on my arms to show how often he’s
    Behind me and knocks me half over!

      (Quote)

  13. says

    The funniest disagreement I’ve had with my fiance was which ride to go on at Disneyland. It was just a long day and the most little things and insignificant decisions blow up. It’s funny looking back at it now, but my god…..if we can only listen to that arguement now, we would laugh our a$$ off.

    So funny!

      (Quote)

  14. says

    I can win this award – crimping! As in hair crimping.

    One day (when we first started dating years ago) we saw a commercial for a hair crimper and I mentioned how much I’d like to own one. Adam told me crimped hair was ugly. Somehow from there it devolved into me storming out of the house saying Ididn’t want to be with him if he wouldn’t let me crimp my hair.

    Now we’ve been married 3 years and he could care less what I do with my hair. I’ve never crimped my hair.

    :D

      (Quote)

  15. SaraRM says

    Its funny bc it seems like our “fights” (we dont even fight, I bitch and hus just takes it, which annoys me even more :) ) are always over silly things. But its bc I let small things go with out saying anything and then it builds up and i release it when its over something that doesnt even bother me. Lesson learned, if something bother you its better to get it out and not bottle it all in.

      (Quote)

    • Katie says

      Haha, my husband and I are the same way! Our “fights” are totally one-sided. We joke that he just witness me arguing with myself. He’s a great listener, so he listens to me whine and then finds something to fix the problem or cheer me up.

        (Quote)

  16. says

    OUr first real fight as a married couple was after a trip to dairy queen. They messed up his order, even though the server asked him if that was really what he wanted and he said “Yes, it was’ and I was thinking ‘weird, you never get that’ Walks out the door of DQ takes a bite of his blizzard and instantly makes yuck mouth. I tell him I thought it was odd he ordered what he did and that he then confirmed it to the server. He then told me he couldn’t understand the server and that I should of corrected them. lol. Needless to say, we didn’t talk for a good 24 hours but almost 15 years later, we still laugh about that story.

      (Quote)

  17. says

    This is so sweet..I love your realness and honesty! I am truly so happy to have found a boyfriend that treats me so well. Some have joked to me that I love my boyfriend so much because I found myself a “good southern boy, because they love their women more than they love themselves”. (I recently moved to VA from NJ.)

    He makes me feel like a million bucks.. and the things we argue about are similar. Leaving doors open, dishes.. I figure if these are the biggest of our problems, there’s no need to fret :D . Also as you said, COMMUNICATION IS KEY. Talk it out!

      (Quote)

  18. Julia says

    I recently got into a fight with my boyfriend of five years over whose dish washing technique was “the right way.” Needless to say, we both felt like idiots after it was over.

      (Quote)

  19. says

    Everything my boyfriend and I fight about is silly! We can somehow handle the real thing but we can get into a huge fight about how I’m afraid to rollerblade and I’m a quitter…which ends in me being a crying mess. I guess that might be a blessing though and I’m not sure if I ever commented and said you were perfect, if I did I meant perfect as in perfect for each other or adorable. I have no illusions about perfection=)

      (Quote)

  20. says

    I think to be perfect, you need to have disagreements and fights. Like the whole “you can’t have good without evil” thing. Every couple’s bound to fight…but it’s whether or not you let those fights bring you down is what matters. Plus, they make you so much stronger afterward!

      (Quote)

  21. says

    I’m glad you blogged about this. :) Sometimes people ask me how my bf and I maintain such a “perfect” relationship. The assume that because both of us are pretty happy, laid back people, we don’t disagree or argue. That’s NOT true! I think our disagreements make us stronger as a couple because every disagreement is an opportunity to learn about one another and yourself.

    Our silliest arguments usually center around the way he does the dishes and how particular I can be about cleaning. We all have our quirks!!! :)

      (Quote)

  22. says

    thank you for being honest, keeping it real and balance what real life is vs/ what ppl want to read/hear about (no one wants to hear day in, day out how miserable someone’s marriage or life is) but on the other hand, we all have our off days and arguments and tiffs and spats. That’s marriage.

    I am at the 10 year mark. I have had PLENTY of silly arguments. Usually at 3am after drinking has been involved :)

      (Quote)

  23. Brittany says

    Love this post, Julie! You two are clearly perfect for each other!

    I’m sure there have been many stupid arguments over the past 8 years I have spent with my husband, but the stupidest, most recent one that comes to mind happened last year a couple months after our wedding. I was putting my stuff together for a marathon I was running the next day, and my husband was asking where I wanted to go for dinner. I said I didn’t care, assuming he knew from my past marathons that I would want to go to an Italian restaurant to carb load. I got SO, SO, SO mad when he suggested his favorite burger place (that I happen to dislike). It spun from a simple question into me throwing an absolute tantrum (hysterically sobbing and packing my bags to leave?!) about the fact that he doesn’t support me and doesn’t respect the amount of effort I put into training and into staying in shape. It took hours for him to convince me that his restaurant suggestion was a simple oversight. I’m lucky he loves me, wild irrationality and all :)

      (Quote)

  24. Laura@ Backstage Pass says

    Julie – what a refreshing and honest stance / post! Thank you for this, seriously. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6.5 years, and while we’re very happy together, we’ve both worked hard to keep it that way. Relationships are work, even after several years together. People grow and change as individuals, and that’s not to say you can’t grow and change and still be happy as a couple. It’s so important for young women and men to realize that healthy, happy relationships thrive from good communication.
    The silliest thing we’ve ever argued about? He was crabby for an entire vacation because he started off on an early AM plane ride without visiting the bathroom before we boarded. Let me tell you, a three hour flight with a grown man that has to go potty, but won’t until after the flight lands is no fun whatsoever! He was totally crabby for the duration of the flight, which set the tone for his attitude for the entire weekend-long vacation.

      (Quote)

  25. says

    So I just had to leave a comment on this because last night I was all pissed off that my boyfriend hadn’t called/texted me all day because he was busy at work. I went out with a few girlfriends, then got home, debated starting a tiff via drunk text, but decided to lay off for a few minutes while I ate granola and read blogs. And it’s like this post was the good angel on my shoulder, because I realized that it wasn’t worth starting a drunk argument over. So thank you- there’s one stupid fight averted :)

      (Quote)

  26. says

    This was a great post! Sometimes I feel like bloggers edit themselves so much that it makes them seem unreal. But you have always seemed very honest!

    My husband and I usually argue over the same things: him sitting down after work and pulling off his socks right there. Then I find these piles of socks after a few days. I just wish he would put them into the washer! lol

    We have a misunderstanding argument more often than I care to admit, in fact, we had one just this morning! I thanked him for turning on my computer for me and he flipped out! “Fine, then I’ll never do it again! I just knew you would be up soon!” Um, dude, I said THANK YOU. Then he felt sooo bad.

      (Quote)

  27. says

    Completely agree with communicating!! It’s definitely a must and just makes everything so much better once you let them know what you’re feeling because as cool as it’d be, no one is a mind reader; you need to just let them know what’s going on. Great post!

    It’s not super silly, but I may have some trust issues and though my current bf is awesome (!), I still can’t get passed the fact that I feel like I should be cautious about everyone since I’ve been burned in the past (cheated on, sucks!). But yeah, I always question where he’s going and I really don’t like that because I want him to be able to go out with his friends and have a good time!

      (Quote)

  28. Katie says

    Great post! One time my boyfriend and I had a legit argument over how much money we think a scientist gets paid. The argument didn’t last long and we laughed about it afterwards. I’m also a PITA when it comes to how neat things are in our place. One day he made the bed wrong and I fixed it the way I like it (I felt bad afterwards, because at least he made it!). We try to make fun of those things and rarely ever stay mad at each other for long.

      (Quote)

  29. says

    Myspace was the stupidest thing I’ve ever fought with a boyfriend over… He was annoyed that I was commenting on a former boyfriend’s page (I’d made some snarky comment about a football team the guy liked, I think) and he (the more recent ex) got really mad… I don’t remember most of what was said (because it was SO stupid), but I do remember saying, “Fine. Call me when you grow the f*ck up,” and hung up the phone on him. It was a long-distance relationship, so things were already a little tricky, but yeah… TOTALLY dumb, right?

      (Quote)

  30. says

    First off I have to say how much my husband and I just love, love, love Ron White! He is so funny!!
    Not long after Brian and I were married he came home from lunch and I was on my way out the door to run some errands. I hadn’t the time to wash the dishes and planned on doing them when I got home. Brian began washing them and I told him to leave them and I would take care of it when I returned but he insisted that it would just take him a minute. I got so mad that I stormed to our bedroom and slammed the door. He came back to see what was up and I was so mad because I said that I was home for the summer and he worked and shouldn’t have to wash dishes on his lunch break! Why couldn’t he just leave them for me to do when I got back?!?!
    Yes, I was mad, slammed the door, and yelled because my husband was doing the dishes. I’m a freak!

      (Quote)

  31. Andrew says

    Wow, I don’t know where to begin in thanking you for writing this post. However, when Chantal was so touched by it that she had to share it with me, I knew I had to try.

    You and I have both been in the same position. When one is happy in their relationship they want to both share it with the world and to have everyone be as happy as they are. The sad part of that is that when other people see how happy you are for some people it takes away from their belief in the possibility of their own happiness. It appears to them like it’s magic or a divine blessing that was bestowed on you, but not on them.

    This has been a concern of mine for years. When people see Chantal and I being loving and affectionate to each other, living in our own private perfect little world, some of them smile warmly, sharing in our joy. Some others however would scowl or look away pained. I would always be concerned about those people, about what they saw and what they felt.

    A happy, loving relationship is magic and it is a blessing, but it comes to those who believe that they are going to receive it and are willing to never give up on getting it. Your own relationship *is* perfect. It’s perfect because you make the choices every day to make it perfect and to keep it perfect.

    I guess what I’m saying is that for years everyone that Chantal and I have known has told us that they look to us as their example of an ideal couple or their perfect relationship. While I was always touched by that because I thought the same thing about us, it always made me feel a little guilty or dishonest. I knew the work that both of us do to take care of each other and each others needs. I knew of all the little times and big times that it worked less than perfectly. I also wanted everyone to just use us as a “proof of concept” that if this exists for us, then it means that it can exist for them. That they should take that positivity and joy that they feel in seeing us together and us it go out and find that for themselves as well.

    So thank you, thank you for saying what I would have wanted to say myself and what I would have wanted everyone to read.

      (Quote)

  32. says

    I’m going to make my husband read this so he knows I’m not the only wife in the world that would like their husband to put their dishes away from time to time. Just kidding. But we have came a long way with “some people” needing to pick up more after “themselves”. Thanks for being real with your readers. It’s difficult to know what to share sometimes and what to keep to yourself. I can totally relate.

      (Quote)

  33. says

    Great post! I completely relate! My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years and people just assume things are perfect (or worse try to paint us as the couple they want to be). And they are … almost. But we are also not always singing while doing our dishes. And, may have to nag more than I want to get the bathroom cleaned. But, at the end f the day, he is perfect for me and a perfect match!

      (Quote)

  34. says

    late to the party here, but glad i saw this. props on posting this.. so true! i dont type about my arguments with marshall because, well, no reason to dwell on the past. but those arguments are for sure there! i just love you.

      (Quote)

  35. says

    Again – awesome post. I’m going to have to say that the silliest fights are usually those about dishes, chores or even just being grumpy all together. My boyfriend and I don’t really fight but we have days that you can tell patience has worn thin on either side with small things. For the most part we are very good at reading each other and communicating. I find making a slight joke about things gets the point across better than nagging. “Wow, your underwear sure does look great sitting there on the bathroom floor but you know where it would look even better?” then we laugh and go about our day. You hit the nail on the head with communication and that there is someone right out there for everyone.

    Keep up the great work!

      (Quote)

  36. says

    Julie, I just love your honesty in this post! My husband and I are soul mates and have been married for 23 years and going strong, so I can relate to what you are saying here and with that being said….it only gets better! Thank you for sharing…it is amazing!!! Hugs!

      (Quote)

  37. Michele says

    I just recently found your blog, and I have to admit, I’ve spent WAY too much time the last few days pouring over your previous entries- especially the ones about you and Ryan. I was JUST thinking “wow, my boyfriend is going to be sorry I’m reading this, because he officially has a new standard to uphold” when I stumbled upon this entry :) I love the idea of date nights, and your proposal story definitely made me cry! Y’all really DO seem “perfect for each other.” And while I’m sure neither one of you are “perfect” in real life… I think as far as couples go, you’re in a category that few people reach.

    I’m (mostly) kidding about holding my guy to your standards… but at the same time, I think you and Ryan are pretty legit role models as far as couples go. And the world needs more of that!

      (Quote)

  38. says

    Julie, I can;t say enough how much I like to read your blog. I enjoy the variety and the way you write is awesome. It’s so descriptive and personal. I just wanted to give you that compliment! And I love how you and Ryan share the same loves for fitness, Sadie, and everything. It makes me think of my boyfriend and I hope we will be that way for a long time yet! Happy holidays!

      (Quote)

  39. Devin says

    Hi Julie! I absolutely LOVE your blog! You have really inspired me to really stick to my goal of making my own blog by September! I love your positive attitude, your way to make life fun, and your ways of balancing your life.
    Regarding this post… I was wondering how you handle your “me time,” Ryan’s guy time or me time, and/or girls nights? Thanks! (:

      (Quote)

Trackbacks

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>