Dating Duration Before Engagement
My legs were not yet ready for an intense leg workout at the gym this morning. Still recovering!
I kept things light and began with 20 minutes on the elliptical before doing three sets of 15 repetitions of the following exercises at a lighter-than-usual weight:
- Step ups
- Deadlifts
- One-legged leg press
- Lunges
- Hamstring curls on exercise ball
Though my legs still feel a bit fatigued, they’re almost back to normal and lightly working them out felt good!
I rounded out my workout with another 10 minutes on the elliptical while reading Better Homes & Gardens magazine which reaffirmed my disinterest in gardens (totally skipped that section) and also made me feel bad about my lack of interior design skills. At least I found a great recipe to try!
Breakfast
Initially I wanted to make banana bread protein pancakes this morning, but we only had a small amount of oatmeal, so I made a batch of Stonewall Kitchen gingerbread pancakes and added some oats to the mix!
Topped with cinnamon chia seed granola and syrup!
Dating Duration Before Engagement
Last week I finished reading American Wife, the book we selected to read for the PBF October Book Club.
The book follows the life of Alice Lindgren, a Wisconsin girl who grows up, gets married and inevitably finds herself in Washington D.C. as the first lady of the United States.
In the book, she falls in love with Charlie Blackwell and they are engaged within a couple of months.
I remember taking a child development class in high school and I had a teacher who was adamant when she said that couples should date for at least three years before getting engaged because during a three-year timeframe, you’re likely to go through a significant change together, have some serious fights and weather a few dramatic events.
Ryan and I met my freshman year in college and dated for 5 1/2 years before getting engaged. Oddly enough, when we did get engaged, I still wasn’t sure we waited long enough (I was only 24!) even though I definitely knew he was “the one” and absolutely saw a future with him. Big decisions take a long time for me to make because I tend to over think them, almost to a fault. Getting married was a huge deal to me and I wanted to do it once and do it right.
To be totally honest, if Ryan would not have said “we’re getting a dog,” I’m not sure we’d even have Sadie. Yes, I wanted a dog, but I was so worried about being a good dog owner and giving a dog enough exercise and attention that I always talked myself out of it. Now I can’t imagine life without Sadie!
Though I tend to be overly cautious with big decisions, I absolutely love the stories of couples who met, got engaged on the third date and were married for 65 years. That kind of spontaneity and passion makes the romantic side of me turn to mush!
In the end, I think the ideal amount of dating time before an engagement completely depends on the couple.
Question of the Morning
- If you’re married, how long did you date your spouse before getting engaged?
- If you’re single or dating, how long do you think you’d like to be with someone before getting engaged (assuming you want to do so one day)?
Filed under: Breakfast, Random Musings
Although I knew he was the one when I met him, hubby and I actually got married 5 years to the day after our first date. That gave us both time to finish our degrees and find jobs.
Glenneth
[Reply]
I knew I was going to love this post when I saw the title. My boyfriend and I met in college and have been dating for four years. We know we want to get married some day but we both want to wait to get engaged until we just feel a little bit more settled on career paths. It also doesn’t help that right now we’re long-distance, so the first step for us will be actually living in the same city.
Elizabeth
[Reply]
Mallory @ It's Only Life Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 10:20 am
I’m in the same boat (kind of). My boyfriend and I started dating when I was a sophomore in college (a little over 3 years now) and we are both fairly certain we want to be with each other for a long time. Like you, we both want to have solid, long-lasting careers before delving into getting engaged. Plus, while he is 24, I’m only 22 so marriage is not something I want to think about for at least 3 years! Like you we live about 2 hours away from each other so the first step would be living in the same place.
Mallory @ It’s Only Life
[Reply]
Nicolette Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Wow Mallory – I am in basically the exact same boat you are in! But our distance is a bit longer (7 hour drive). We had a real talk about it a few months back, and we both decided we have a lot of growing and changing to do on our own before we are ready to be married to someone (essentially, be accountable to another). I told him I wanted to finish school first (but I am now getting my doctorate so that plan might change a bit).!
I was so glad to see your comment – it’s nice to hear I’m not alone!
Nicolette
[Reply]
Marissa Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 6:57 pm
This is crazy – I’m in the same boat. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 1/2 years next month, and we have been long-distance for over 2 years! We both lived in Orlando when I was in school, and then after graduation, the job market was really rough and I had to move home to find a job. We’ve been discussing engagement for several years, but we want to be living in the same place!
Marissa
Hillary Reply:
November 9th, 2011 at 9:08 am
Ditto to all of these. This month, we’ll have been together for 5 years and we’ve been long distance for the last 4 of those 5. No engagements here until we live in the same zip code!
Hillary
My fiance waited until we were together for 5 and a half years before he proposed. He proposed this past March (the day before my birthday!). I honestly think it was a very long wait but we started dating when we were in college. We’ve been living together for 2 years now. It was worth the wait but I think we were ready a year ago or less. We will be celebrating our 6 year anniversary next weekend and when we get married, we will have been together for almost 7 years.
I love your story with Ryan! I think it’s super cute!
Hope
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:30 am
congrats on your upcoming wedding!!!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years… I just turned 23 and am a full time graduate student. I wish we could afford to live together, but right now it isn’t possible! I secretly would love to be engaged, but really believe that living together first is necessary. I can’t wait until the day we can get our own place!
Alicia
[Reply]
I’ve actually been thinking about this topic a lot…seeing as I just got engaged about two months ago! People have generally been pretty surprised that me and my fiance dated just under a year before we got engaged, but then understand when I tell them we’ve been best friends for over 6 years! Although our “dating” period lasted less than a year, our engagement will last about 19 months!
I think there are a lot of different factors that go into making such a huge decision and they vary among couples. I have friends that have been dating their significant other for over 5 years and aren’t ready to get engaged, but I also have friends are already married after dating for just 6 months! To each their own
Krista
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:32 am
well said! with so many different personalities in this world, i don’t think there’s a set amount of time any couple should date before getting engaged. it totally depends on the couple.
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
We dated on and off for 6 years (we met in 1999 when he was 20 and I was 21). In 2005, we decided to give it an “all-or-nothing” shot and totally commit to each other. We were engaged in 2006 and married in 2007.
Sarah
[Reply]
We dated four years before getting engaged. Then we were engaged for three years, and now we will be celebrating our first anniversary (and eight years together!) in just a couple weeks.
Mari
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The pancakes look fab! I need to make some this morning…
Lauren @ What Lauren Likes
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I’m married and we just celebrated our 12th anniversary last week. We dated almost 5 years before that (4yrs and 11 months ☺) He had been done with college for a couple years, and had played a few years of minor league baseball. I had just finished college. We were ready to take the next step professionally and emotionally ~ together.
Wendy
[Reply]
Ah, I agree! Marriage is a huge step and while it’s awesome to get engaged and married so fast, I prefer waiting it out to make sure it’s the perfect fit. We dated for 2 years before getting engaged and then we were married 2 weeks after our 3 year dating anniversary. It was the perfect timing for us!
Laura @ LauraLikesDesign
[Reply]
Blake and I dated for 3 years before we got engaged. We lived in sin for 2.5 of those years… so I felt like we knew the good, the bad, and the ugly. We were married a little over a year later…
and non-related – If Pentatonix doesn’t win The Sing Off, I’ll be totally shocked.
Jamie
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:33 am
I KNOW!! i hope they win and then go on tour. i would totally pay to see them live.
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
My guy and I have only been together about 4 months. Last night, while driving in the car, I totally saw our future and can’t picture my life without him. 30 minutes later we were on a spontaneous furniture shopping trip for our future home. I don’t know how long we will date and I am not in a hurry, but I love him without any doubt.
A woman I work with met her husband in the summer, engaged by the holidays and were married in spring. All less than a year. They have been together for 40-something years now.
Sabrina @ Coffee With Sabrina
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:33 am
your comment about you & your boyfriend gave me goosebumps! so sweet!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
Katherina Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 10:07 pm
That’s my parents… blind date on New Years, engaged in February, married in April, had me in November
24 years later, still together!
Katherina
[Reply]
We dated a year and a half. We are currently engaged and getting married in June. Our engagement will be exactly a year.
Eli
[Reply]
I don’t think there is a “right” amount of time – it is all up to the couple. That said, I do think far to much emphasis in our culture is placed on the acts of getting engaged and getting married rather than on the relationship itself and ensuring it is strong, healthy, and in the best interest of both individuals. I am currently single and I know for myself, I do not have the need to get married. I don’t think a wedding is necessary in order for me to be in a long-term, stable, healthy, happy and strong relationship. Heck, I don’t think that I need to be in a long-term relationship in order to have a healthy, happy, fulfilled life.
Danielle @ dish’n'dash
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Mary Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:44 am
I wanted to add that I know mine isn’t a normal case. My husband was also my first serious boyfriend and the first guy I kissed. So I realize I’m nowhere near the norm. My best friend has been dating her BF for 2 years now and they are going to wait at least another year until they get out of college to get engaged. I really think it depends on what each couple is comfortable with.
Mary
[Reply]
My husband and I dated for 11 months before we got engaged. I was 18 and in my Freshman year of college. He is almost 6 years older and from the moment I met him I knew that we were meant to spend our lives together. We got married 4 months later shortly after my 19th birthday. We’ve now been married for just over 2 years and I don’t regret our short engagement or dating time one bit. He really is my best friend and totally completes and compliments me. We rarely fight and having him with me during the tough times we’ve encountered is the best thing I could ask for
Mary
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We dated 2 and 1/2 years before getting engaged. Scott is 11 years older than me, so I like to say our time doubles into 5 years
We got married at 3 1/2 and I feel like we planned it just right…considering I was 26. If I were younger we probably would have waited a little longer…
P.S. Your gingerbread pancakes look fabulous. I made myself a protein pancake this morning but it was fresh from instant oats…lol
Heather @ Health, Beauty & Sweet Homelife
[Reply]
I dated my guy two years before we got engaged. We got married 9 months after we got engaged (3 months ago) so last weekend was actually our “engagement anniversary!” as well as our “dating anniversary!”
I felt those leg effects myself this morning, but for me it was kind of the opposite. I went for a run, and my legs were beat from lifting yesterday! I think finding the balance between heavy leg workouts and running is going to be the trick to marathon training.
Emily N
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Lauren Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:19 pm
I feel like this is my exact story. Started dating when I was 17 and he was 21, and now I’m almost 21 and hoping to graduate in the next two years so we can finally move in together and hopefully get married! We’re in our third year of long distance and I am more than ready to live closer to him.
Lauren
[Reply]
Lauren Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:20 pm
ahh I meant to reply to Whitney
Lauren
[Reply]
My husband and I dated for about 4 years before we got engaged. I met him when I was 17 and he was 21 so he had to wait on me to graduate twice… high school and then college
whitney
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Wow! All these fantastic 5+ years of dating before engagement! I actually got engaged after about 8 months of dating. Before this relationship I has been with other boyfriends for several years without wantIng to get married… It was amazing how soon after staring to date my husband how I knew right away that he’d be the one. I’d never believed people who said to me “you’ll just know.” but wow we’re they right! We’ve been married for 2 years and I know I made the right choice, even though I swore I’d never get engaged before at least 1.5 years of dating. I’m so lucky to have him and am so in love!!
Rae
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peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:35 am
yayy!
so happy for you both. 
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
Shareece Reply:
November 9th, 2011 at 10:25 am
I can relate to you! I started dating my fiance in April of this year and we just got engaged at the end of October.. I dated a few guys before but I never, ever really believed I would experience the whole ‘you’ll just know’ either and was ready to give up but with him, within the first few months I had no doubt he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and the same went for him. It’s really an amazing, undeniable feeling that I think those who have should appreciate because not everyone finds love, though I wish everyone could.
Shareece
[Reply]
I totally agree that it depends on the couple – their previous relationships, expectations, values etc. I’m single, but I feel like for younger couples, a little longer is probably more appropriate, whereas if a couple is older, maybe it’d be ok to only date for a year or two.
And I agree on BHG- I always skip the gardening section!
Angela @ Eat Spin Run Repeat
[Reply]
I know that people can meet and get married and live happily ever after, but I’m like you: I take a while to make big decisions. I definitely think I would want to date someone for at the very least 1 year and then be engaged for 1 year. If you rush into something you may feel trapped and not want to dissapoint people if you realize it might not be right
Katie @ Peace Love and Oats
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My (new) Husband and I just got married 2 weeks ago. And we ‘dated’ for 10 years! If you can call it dating at 14?
Once again, your pancakes are making me veeerrry hungry!
Jodi
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peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:36 am
high school sweethearts!!! i love it!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
I guess you could say Hubbs and I dated for 6ish years, but some of that was time apart because he was a bit older and I was in college. When we officially got back together, it was about 2 years before we got engaged. It worked well for us
I guess we shouldn’t expect a baby from you and Ryan anytime soon, if big decisions take a while for you to make? I just feel like getting pregnant and blogging about it is in vogue right now!
Brittany (A Healthy Slice of Life)
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:37 am
for real! i am such an over-thinker. i should probably start considering babies now if we want them in the next 10 years!
peanutbutterfingers
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I dated my husband for 4.5 years (met Junior year of college) before getting engaged and then we had a 1.5 year engagement. So our wedding day was on our 6 year dating anniversary
Laura
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 and a half years! We met when I was 15, so that kind of explains why we’re not engaged yet
I wish we could get engaged and married, 6 years is a long time, but where still a bit too young for Italy’s culture to get engaged…my grandpa would have a fit 
. Plus I still live with my family (the whole university sistem is different here).
Giulia @ Tutupa’s Lab
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PS- After our first date I did call my parents and tell them I was going to marry this guy. I was totally right!
Brittany (A Healthy Slice of Life)
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My fiance and I dated two and a half years before getting engaged. I think it is definitely important to have to tackle some life changes while yo uare dating and go through some serious changes.
When we first started dating, i was in grad school living with some friends. He was at home… about an hour away..but we still had some privacy. Then.. I graduated.. moved home.. and had to find a job. We both lived at home.. and still had an hour between us. It was rough. We had no “us” time because we were with our parents. He spent a summer away at school gettinghis masters.. making the distance further. 1.5 years in, we decided to move in together. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think he was the one.. but it was defintely a challenge at first. We’ve been through manny ups in downsas a couple.. and have been there for the other’s ups and downs. I can’t wait to marry my best friends.. 9 months from Thursday!!
Cait @ Beyond Bananas
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:38 am
so exciting! congratulations!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
My husband and I dated for about 4 years before getting engaged but I was the same way as you…still wasn’t sure if I was ready. In face, I had told him about a month before he asked me to marry him, that I wanted to wait. At that time he already had the ring and everything…oops! But I also knew he was “the one” and that I wanted to be with him forever…I was just young (23) and didn’t want to rush. But now I am SO HAPPY we’re married. I can’t imagine us only “dating” at this point in our lives. I think the most important thing is to be sure the he/she is “the one”.
Katy @ HaveYouHurd
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:39 am
i feel like i felt the exact same way as you!! i knew ryan was the one i wanted to be with forever, but i was young and didn’t feel “in a hurry.” now that we’re actually married, i am so happy we got married when we did.
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
My husband and I met in college and were together for two years, including a year of long-distance while I was at grad school and he was still in college. We got engaged after two years of dating and had a 1.5 year engagement. We got married in July!
I would have always said that I would have waited longer to get engaged, but that year of long distance really proved to me how certain I was that I wanted to be with him forever, and then I couldn’t wait!
Katie
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peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:39 am
long distance is HARD. if you can make it through that, i definitely think your commitment to each other is legit!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5.5 years but we won’t be getting engaged for at least another two years. I’m 22 so we started dating when we were 17. We live together now and that was a big enough step as it was. Plus, we are just starting out so I’d like to have time to save some money to have a kick ass wedding
Courtney
[Reply]
Katie Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 10:02 am
Cheers on the kickass wedding! I’m not engaged either–and don’t plan to be any time soon, but my BF and I always talk about our wedding and how it will knock the pants off of all the other weddings we’ve ever been to! (or at least the one that didn’t have any music….)
Katie
[Reply]
I think it depends on so many things but one thing is age. I would have needed a LOT of time if I had met someone in my early twenties (and used a lot of time to figure out that my boyfriends then weren’t the right ones). But, now that I’m in my mid thirties, it’s a lot easier for me to know who has potential and who doesn’t. My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half and are planning on getting married soon. But, a year and a half would never have been enough time ten years ago!!
Erin
[Reply]
Well if three years is the optimal time frame I better be getting a ring next week! It completely depends on the couple. I’ve had one boyfriend ever, we’ve been together for 3 years minus a week. A lot of my friends ask me how I can stay with someone for 3 years and potentially my life never knowing what else is out there..but I feel like anyone can say that about any guy they’re with; you never know what else is out there but you know what is in front of you and how much you value it! Because my boyfriend is in a 6 year doctorate program I have no intention of being engaged or married until I’m 25 or 26, but I do believe that you have to have fought before you can really know each other. How a person fights says a TON about them.
gabriella @ embracement
[Reply]
Andrew and I met while he was on a business trip to Illinois from Texas. I just happened to be waitressing at the hotel restaurant and met him and I never believed in love at first sight until i saw him. We hungout a few times and then about a week later he had to go back to Texas. We continued communication and a few weeks later he bought a plane ticket to see me. We dated for about 3 months when he decided to move across country for me, to Illinois. After 6 months of dating, he asked me to marry him, with my parents permission of course, and I wouldn’t want it any other way! I think when it’s right, it’s right. And I had that feeling since the day i met him.
Katelyn
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peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:42 am
goosebumps!!!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
We waited 11 years
, but we’ve been together since we were 15. We were engaged at 26 and married at 27.
dana
[Reply]
Between 1-2 years dating, and then a 5-6 month engagement. He won’t give me specifics because he wants it to be a surprise.
Kaitlyn
[Reply]
I think for younger women waiting for a few years is ideal. the “lust” stage of dating can last up to two years. Of course, each couple is different and I agree the “meet ,get married ,and last forever is TOTALLY romantic but you also have no idea what goes on in the relationships later.
On a personal note, I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years (started dating early in college) and yes… things are not always peachy and its important to go through a few of those stages and make sure you still love and respect the other person before marriage. It makes your love so much stronger and deeper!
Natalie
[Reply]
I sound a lot like you in that department! We met our freshman year of college and had our first date the next night. I’m 24 now and we’ve been dating 5 1/2 years but I don’t want to get engaged AT ALL!! My friends think I’m crazy…
Two of the 5 years were long distance so I think that has something to do with it. We fixed that in August though
He was relocated to Newfoundland last year for 3 years so I moved there… crazy!! I’m just so happy to be in the same place as him that I could care less about getting engaged/married. One day maybe 
gadabout
[Reply]
Those Stonewall Kitchen pancakes look awesome! I don’t think there is any set amount of time you should wait before you get engaged, but I do think somewhere in the 3+ year area gives you a good chance of working out the kinks before you jump in. My husband and I were the same as you and Ryan. We started dating my sophomore year in college, got engaged when I was 24 and married at 25. For me, 25 was much younger than I thought I would get married, but when you find the right person things just click.
Paula
[Reply]
My husband is British, and I met him at a gala dinner in March 2008. We had one date that weekend, then he flew back to visit me in exactly 3 times before he proposed! He actually did not move to the US until a week before our wedding, but now it’s been 2 years and it’s still wonderful.
Krista
[Reply]
What matters most for me is financial/career stability… as long as you love the person and can’t imagine your life without them, I dont think there is a time frame for that. I also think it is important to live with your future hubs/wifey for at least a short time so that you can know their day-to-day life, and have an opportunity to manage money together.
Emily
[Reply]
My boyfriend and I met freshman year of college, started dating sophomore year of college, saw each other through grad school and law school, 3 bar exams (all passing!), and 7 years after we became a “couple” I still feel too young to be engaged/married! I just turned 26 and still have too much I want to do! With him, of course!
Katie
[Reply]
Just started reading your blog and love it!! Dental Student and I have been dating since February of 2009, and living together since September of 2010. Were only 25, so I dont know if were ready yet, but many of friends did start getting engaged! I cant wait to start reading along with this book club!
Two Grads
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Haha it’s like you read my mind.. I’ve been thinking about this lately after a few interesting conversations. I definitely think at least three years is a good, solid marker so I’d have to say your teacher’s reasoning makes sense to me, although granted it depends on the couple. I also think that at least two years should be post-college… definitely food for thought!
Joelle (On A Pink Typewriter)
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 9:53 am
your comment about “post-college” time made me smile! ryan and i have both said we felt like our relationship changed A LOT after college and those years after college taught us a lot and were very important to us.
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
I was the same way with my husband. We got married at 24 and always said we’d wait 5 years for kids, since we moved to other side of the country and getting settled. My family studies teacher in college said it was best to wait to have kids until 7 years into marriage. We didn’t plan to wait that long but with job losses and stuff we are. Now we’re are trying I can say my husband wouldn’t have been ready until now, but couple is different. You never know if those statistics are true!
Angie
[Reply]
Hi Julie. Iv’e been reading your blog for a long time now, and I love it.
Keep on keepin’ on! My husband and I were together for 2 years before we got engaged. Our engagement was a year long, now have been happily married for 4 years! I love him to death. Happy late Anniversary to the both of you!
Ashleigh
[Reply]
I too met my husband my freshmen year of college. He was a junior at the time. We dated for 3 years and were engaged the last semester of my senior year of college. We just got married in August. I agree it totally depends on the couple!
Lo
[Reply]
We were only dating a little over a year! I’ve been married over 4 years now and things are good. We’ve been through quite a few life changers and were early on too, maybe that’s why it moved so fast!
However I do agree that the dating portion should be on the longer side, I think when you go through some of the bigger events in life it really shows you if your meant to be or not.
Lisa@thedailyrundown
[Reply]
My husband and I dated for 9 1/2 years before we got engaged. We started going out when we were 16. I’m a lot like you in that I take a long time to make really big decisions, and I’d always told him I wanted to wait until after I was 26 to get married. You just change so much as an individual in your 20′s. I still remember the day I knew I wanted to marry him one day… it was about 6 years ago and I was driving to university and it just ht me – if I could spend the rest of my life with him, I would be happy. We got married in August, and yesterday was actually our 10 1/2 yr dating anniversary
Trisha
[Reply]
We got engaged after 10 months but had grown up together and had been friends for 17 years! We never really had the get to know you phase or meet the fam nerves… and when it’s right it’s definitely right!
Erin
[Reply]
We dated about 3.5 years before getting engaged, and got married 15 months after that. We just hit 5 years of being together last month. And almost 6 months of marriage! I understand about being worried, since you were (are) so young. The length of dating/engagements decreases as your age increases I believe.
Anne @strawberryjampackedlife
[Reply]
What an interesting topic! I think it definitely depends on the couple and how old they are. My boyfriend and I are both 28 years old and have been dating 3 years come next week and neither of us are ready to get married yet. While we want to spend the rest of our lives together, marriage isn’t a priority for us.
But again, it all depends on the couple. 
Katie
[Reply]
We dated 6.5 years before getting engaged and then got married just after our 8th anniversary! People used to bug us all the time but we did not see the rush and marriage isn’t something you rush into. We were also in college and university part of the time and I wasn’t getting married till I was in the real world!
Lindsey
[Reply]
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year and a half (last time I checked and did the math, ahah) and we plan to get married one day but will definitely be waiting a while to do so, until we are both finished school and whatnot, so it’ll probably be 2-3 more years before we get engaged, which I’m totally fine with – as long as it means we don’t have to actually get married RIGHT away. Nothing long with a longer engagement than one or two years to me!
Olivia @ PeanutButterNerd
[Reply]
I’m engaged (the big day is in May!) and we were together 4.5 years before we got engaged. The total length of engagement will be 14 months.
If you feel like 24 is too young, I’m 21! He’s 24. But — I’m graduating from college this year and going to medical school next year so it just felt like the time was right. It is a little scary to be so young though.
Julia
[Reply]
Today is actually my 1 month wedding anniversary! I can’t believe it has already been a month! Time flies! My husband and I dated for nearly 3 years before getting engage. 1.5 years of that was actually long distance – that was really hard. We separated for about a month before getting engaged, which was probably one of the best things for us. It gave us time to really figure things out and realize that we desparately wanted to be together. After our break we got engaged and our engagement lasted 10 months. This first month of marriage has been so wonderful! Great post, Julie!
Have a wonderful day!
Bekah
[Reply]
I agree too, totally depends on the couple. My fiance and I dated for a little over two years before we got engaged. By the time we get married we’ll have dated for just under three years.
Stacy @ Stacy Eats
[Reply]
We dated only 3 months before getting engaged!! Had an 18 month engagement to plan our wedding, and just celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary!!
Shelly
[Reply]
We were definitely old school. My now-husband and I met in high school, but didn’t start dating until the end of it. We had a long distance relationship throughout college, though I did a “visiting student” semester at his school so we could see if this was a relationship to consider in the future (where to look at grad school, jobs, etc.). Ultimately our relationship grew much stronger during that short time and we got married the August after we graduated from college.
We dated a total of 4.5 years before we were married, but we were also quite young. I think when you’re older that amount of time isn’t necessary because you are more settled.
However, I also think that since my husband and I have always considered each other when making big decisions it has made it easier in some ways because we’ve grown together and weren’t used to our own ways. I know my brother, who is 27, struggles with whether his girlfriend is “the one” and has problems compromising because he’s not used to having to.
Wow, that was pretty long and pointless!
Kate
[Reply]
My boyfriend and I are in a lovely relationship and we have been dating for 2 years. I assume we’ll be getting engaged with in the next 2 years and married about a year after that!
Emily
[Reply]
This month marks my five year anniversary with my boyfriend, and we probably won’t be engaged for at least another year and a half. We’re currently long distance (he’s getting his PhD in another state) which puts a damper on the whole moving forward with our lives thing ; ) We both agree that, if we were currently living together, we’d just get married now, but we find it kind of silly to be engaged while living six hours away from each other!
Hillary
[Reply]
My husband and I are high school sweethearts
We started dating when he was a jr and I was a sr. We dated for almost 7 years before getting engaged. We were married one year to the day later. We’ve now been married just over a year and are just a few weeks away from 9 years together.
I think that length of engagement and dating has a lot to do with age too (although there are obviously exceptions to everything lol). I met my husband when I was 17. I couldn’t imagine marrying him 6 months later bc I had NO IDEA where my life would be going. But if you meet when you’re 30, you definitely have a better idea of what you want and where you’re headed, and I think it’s easier to know if you’re “meant to be” a couple.
Maddie
[Reply]
TOTALLY depends on the couple!! I met my husband in Sep of 2009 and we were engaged by that February (2010) and married that April (2010). We just KNEW and wanted it
So romantic I know! Hah. He is definitely MY one and only!!
Annette @ EnjoyYourHealthyLife
[Reply]
Your pancakes look fab!
I dated my ex for 4 years and kept wishing we would get engaged… now I’m SO glad we didn’t. My husband and I were dating for only 7 months (May – Dec 2010) before we got engaged and then got married 9 months after that (Sept 2011)… but apparently he bought the ring after 4 months!
When the right person comes along, time doesn’t matter!
Claire @ Live and Love to Eat
[Reply]
3 months. We’re still married 8 years later. (we were engaged one year) I am truly blessed. I am a rare person that met and married their husband young and stayed married. I think it helps he’s eleven years my senior.
Cat @Breakfast to Bed
[Reply]
In France people seem to be getting engaged, then married quicker and quicker. Then they have kids (or not) and divorce a couple of years after, sometimes very shortly after. Some have babies soon after they’ve met and then separate too soon. Of course I’m generalizing but I feel that they don’t spend enough time together to be really sure they want to be with this person for the rest of their lives. I feel very strongly about this and I agree with you. I also over think big decisions but for me at least, by doing that I want to reassure myself before anything else. I want to know I had enough time to weigh the for and against, how it’ll change me and my life and all that. I know sometimes I exaggerate but that’s me
I’ve never been in a long term relationship might I add so that may change we’ll see 
Annie
[Reply]
Annie Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 10:12 am
I just wanted to add that of course what I said only applies to me, maybe when you meet “the one” you know instantly and it doesn’t matter how long you date
Annie
[Reply]
Jon and I dated for just over a year before getting engaged at the oh-so-young age of 20. (I turned 21 one month after we got engaged.) We were engaged for 2.5 years, so we were together for over 3 years before we got married. I love him and I love our life together, but sometimes I look back and think, “What were we THINKING?!”
Lauren @ Forward is a Pace
[Reply]
My husband and started dating in June 2005, moved in together in March 2008, got engaged in March 2009 and married in June 2010. There were times I couldn’t wait for a proposal, but looking back, the 5+ years we were together before getting married, was perfect for us.
PS – Do you have fiesta wear dishes?! We registered for them and LOVE them. They’re so bright and fun.
M
[Reply]
first of all, i LOVED that book so much! second, today is my 3 year anniversary with my boyfriend and i think 3 years seems like a good time to get engaged : ) seriously though, i firmly believe that the relationship to look for is one where you don’t feel like you’re “waiting” for something, but living your life- no matter what stage of life you’re in!
Lindsey @ Chick Flick Chic
[Reply]
We’ve been dating 9 and a half years (since tenth grade)! He’s in law school and I’m getting a PhD so we’re still doing long distance (we dated throughout high school and did long distance for college and grad school….) but we’re so excited to finally be together and get engaged soon!
Erin
[Reply]
It was a solid 10 years before Jay and I got engaged…granted, we DID start dating at 15 & 16, so you know, I suppose the wait was necessary.
I’ll say that I was ready around year 8 or 9 though!
Courtney @ Sweet Tooth, Sweet Life
[Reply]
My fiance and I dated for almost 6 years before he proposed. Personally, I don’t think you have to be with someone for years to know that they are “the one.” I probably knew I wanted to marry Vishnu after 6 months of dating.
In the Indian culture, marriages where the couple is introduced by family are common (even in the US), and a lot of people make the decision to get married after only knowing each other for a few months. And you honestly wouldn’t be able to tell them apart from a couple that dated for years before taking the plunge. You’re absolutely right, it really just depends on the couple.
Parita @ myinnershakti
[Reply]
It’s not the length of time, it’s if the person is the right one. I dated somebody for 2 years, then got engaged and spent a year planning the wedding, so we were together for 3 years before getting married. Well, the marriage didn’t even last a year. A few years later I met the right guy, and we were engaged within 6 months, married within 1 year of our first date, and will celebrate our 16 th anniversary this New Year’s Eve.
Jay
[Reply]
We met in September 2004, and were engaged in August 2009. We got married in September 2010, and just celebrated our 1 year anniversary!
Janine @ ThePurpleGiraffe
[Reply]
I met my husband my sophomore year of college, his 1st senior year…or second junior year…ha. Anyway, we dated for 1 year 3 months then were engaged for 13 months. I always heard date at least a year. Not to mention, in the south we tend to get married younger. I was 21 when I got married, Bobby was 23. I knew I wanted to be with him forever so I figured why wait and live apart for many years? (which leads me to another point. People who co habitate seem to not get married as quickly as those who wait until after marriage to live together) We have been married 5 years this January and I can’t imagine if we had dated until just now to get married!
Heather
[Reply]
Keith and I got engaged on our 1 year anniversary and have been married almost 6 years. But we also knew eachother our whole lives since our families are really good friends. So when Keith and I started dating I think we both knew we’d get married. We also talked about dating for like 4 years before we actually took the plunge. We were both worried about family drama but thankfully everyone was super excited and we even got a lot of “well it’s about time” or “finally” for most people.
Kelly
[Reply]
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and there is no way I am ready to get engaged! But I think each to their own, if you are ready after 6 weeks then don’t let the time hold you back! Loved the book! Looking forward to the discussion on the 15th!
Charlie- The Runner Beans
[Reply]
My hubby and I dated for 7 years before we got engaged… Mainly because we are high school sweethearts
In fact this December is our 10 year dating anniversary!
Dorsa @ Running Thoughts
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I’m a complete overthinker so I typically wait toooo long before making even simple decisions. I’m not married, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to waiver on this when the time comes as well unfortunately. My mind goes off on crazy tangents!
Jenny
[Reply]
Take it easy on the workouts. Everyone is different, but it takes a good 10-14 days to recovery after a half marathon. Even though you may feel good, you put a significant amount of stress on your muscles, joints and body in the race. You pushed hard and there are tiny tears in those muscle fibers whether you feel them or not. When you push it too hard too soon after a big race, that it when you risk injury. I have seen it happen time and time again. I have 10+ half marathons and 7 marathons under my belt and I have made all mistakes…believe me! Great job on the race though. Very impressive!
Jessica K (@irun26at8)
[Reply]
Vanessa N Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 10:28 am
Ugh! Wish someone gave me this advice! Ran a half marathon in June – felt great afterward. Did a bootcamp class the next day – still felt good but hips felt fatigued. Ran three miles a couple days letter – PAIN! I’ve been dealing with IT band syndrome since then (almost 5 months now!) and I still can’t run more than 15 min. without sharp pains – totally not worth it. I’ve tried taking full months off from running, I foam roll often, I’ve been to physical therapy – so far nothing has worked. I’m sure if I rested a few more days I could have avoided this. Wah wah!
Vanessa N
[Reply]
My husband got married on our 6.5 year dating anniversary. We did start dating in high school though, so we definitely waited longer than most.
If I were to start dating someone when I was a bit older, I probably would not date them for nearly as long before getting married. When you are young, it is so important to grow with the person. Sometimes you end up growing away from the person – but only time will tell.
I think that every circumstance is different. I do think a lot of people rush into marriage, because they feel like they have to be married too because their friends are (I def have a couple of friends like that).
Mary @ food and fun on the run
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My husband and I met when we were 16, got engaged at 21 (during college), married at 22, first child at 23, and now at 26, we have 2 boys. Everyone is so different!
B
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Wow! I cant believe all of these 5 year dating stories – My boyfriend will be 29 and I am 27 – We have been dating almost 2 years and talk about our wedding like we are actually engaged so i’m assuming it will be soon but i dont really wanna assume. Make sense? haha
alyssa – fashion fitness foodie
[Reply]
John and I dated for 5 months and then we got engaged. Our engagement was 13 months. We were friends for 4 years prior to all this
Katie @ Healthy Heddleston
[Reply]
Josh and I have been dating a year now and while we both know each other is “the one” we see no rush to get engaged. I have a year left of college (im 21) and he has two years left in his phd program (he’s 27). We both want to wait until we are settled down with degrees and jobs. As Josh said, “if you’ve found the perfect person they aren’t going anywhere.” Well probably live together that last year of his phd program and then get engaged in about three years, when we are living in an area we see ourselves in for a while with careers to afford a wedding. I think its funny how much people judge things like marriages and babies based on age. Despite it not feeling like there is any age difference between us, if I got married and or pregnant tomorrow people would say omg what did she do wrong, whereas if that happpened to josh people would be congratulating him without any hesitation. I think 24 will be a good age to get engaged!
Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie
[Reply]
I’m pretty sure I will be getting engaged within the next 6 months and we’ve been dating for 2 years. That being said, I would have married this guy the weekend I met him because that’s how sure I was. Love at first sight, I completely believe in it.
Howdy from NYC
[Reply]
There’s so much pressure from society if you’ve been dating for a while and aren’t engaged yet – but I see both sides. Part of me thinks that he should definitely know you’re the one after a certain point – and want to scoop you off the market! But then there’s the other side, if you aren’t in a rush to have kids or anything.. why rush an engagement/wedding? maybe he’s saving up for something extra special? Plus you’d way rather have him see it as a big decision and really mean it when he proposes versus feeling pressured into it
I love how you said it – “I wanted to do it once and do it right” – so true!
Brittany *Sparkles*
[Reply]
Since I started dating my husband when I was 16 (he was 18), we waited 6.5 years to get engaged. It was a week before my 23rd birthday and I STILL felt too young. Like you said, I knew he was the one but I felt a bit awkward about it b/c of our age. We were married at 24 & 26 and now looking back (5 years later,) I understand why people say that’s young to get married. A lot can change from your early 20′s to late 20′s, I feel lucky to have picked the right guy b/c there have been MANY changes
Gina @ Running to the Kitchen
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My husband and I dated for about 5 years before getting married. Not a very long engagement either. Lol.
Dee
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I think you’re right, it really depends on the couple. My husband and I started dating at the beginning of our freshman year in college, got engaged during junior year, and got married as soon as we graduated! That timeline worked really well for us and we couldn’t imagine graduating college and not being together forever.
Lauren
[Reply]
We had been dating a little over a year before we got engaged and were married after being together over two years. I really think it just depends. I dated a guy for almost four years and things between us ended, so clearly time spent dating isn’t the tell-all.
My grandpa married my grandma when she only spoke German and my gpa only knew English. When he asked her to marry him she thought he was just giving her a ring as a present! They’re still married today and they’re so awesome together!
Christina
[Reply]
Natalcho @ Tomatoes Rock Reply:
November 9th, 2011 at 5:56 am
Oh my god – this is the cutest story. Love is truly the most important thing – who cares if you speak the same language when your hearts speak to each other!
Natalcho @ Tomatoes Rock
[Reply]
I woke up the morning after we met and knew he was the one. We got married after only knowing each other for 9 months. I was 23 and so was he.
If we had to do it over again, I think we would have moved slower. I might have liked to live together first, but that wasn’t an option for us. Of course, had we not gotten married, we probably would have broken up, and I would’ve moved out of Oklahoma.
Leslie @ Body Won’t Break
[Reply]
I love reading all of these stories! My boyfriend and I met during my sophomore year in college, his junior year. Since he is originally from Massachusetts and I am from New Jersey, we did the long distance thing in the summers during college. Since then, we have made it through postgrad life and the whole long distance thing, from him being in Stamford, CT and then Las Vegas and then Boston again. I think it says a lot that we never once worried that we could make it work. We are currently still long distance, but we see each other every 2 weeks and he plans to move to NJ within the next year. I always say I want to be older when I get engaged (I’m only 23 now), but in the end, if it were to happen now, I’d be so excited and happy.
Traci
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My husband and I dated for four years before we got engaged. We met when I was 19 (he was 25), and married when I was 24 and he was 30. I know I’m over-generalizing a bit, but I think that people should date longer if they themselves are younger. With more life experience, you understand better what you want out of a partner and probably don’t need to date as long to be sure.
I also completely agree with what your teacher said about needing to weather hardship together, but I think I’d expand it to experiencing important milestones as a couple. Knowing that someone will be there for you when you’ve experienced a loss (or conversely, will be open with you when he does) is incredibly important, but it’s also important to know that he will support you and not begrudge your success when good things happen, as well. Especially since success often comes with big lifestyle changes, and you want someone who’s willing to adapt to that.
Suzanne
[Reply]
i’m definitely more like you in the sense that i have been dating my current boyfriend for 4 and a half years and absolutely feel like there is a future but am way too indecisive and overthinking these things that i feel like its too soon for marraige etc. lol
Amanda
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I think “how long” really depends on age and how mature you are. My husband and I dated 1.5 years before getting engaged – I was 29, he was 27, and we were both really ready to be grown-ups.
Jen
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My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 3.5 years, and we’re very close to getting engaged at this point. The ring is picked out…I just don’t know exactly when it will happen
I agree with you completely – I think it depends on the couple. For me, it was actually a good thing that we’ve dated as long as we have, because we both have been through a lot together and we’ve seen how well we work together in different situations.
Brittany
[Reply]
I knew Nick for four years before we started dating. We were acquaintances and were always dating other people… then we became friends… then we were no longer dating other people… and it just fell into place. We moved in together after only a few months of dating. We got engaged after 6 years of dating/living together. (when I was 26). I think when you already live together, getting married really doesn’t change things much so I wasn’t in a hurry to make it “official”. We’ve only been married a little over four months now but I’m loving it.
My parents got married after dating for less than a year. They were actually both no-shows for their first date! But bumped into each other again and things moved quickly from there – over 40 years of marriage later they’re still going strong.
Both my sisters dated their husbands for 7 years before getting married – one’s marriage lasted 5 years, the other’s lasted 15 – both ended in divorce
So I agree, long-term dating does not guarantee a good marriage – but I, personally, can’t imagine marrying spontaneously!
Vanessa N
[Reply]
Josh and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years and have been living together for a year and a half. Living together has only strengthened our relationship (I was ready to say yes after a year). I expect and hope for the ultimate question by the end of the holiday season!
Kara
[Reply]
I dated my fiance for three years and we lived together for two years before we got engaged. I think that you should date someone for at least a year and live together for a year or so before getting engaged.
I recently moved to Utah from FL and there are a ton of people here who got engaged after a handful of dates and married after a couple of months, they think that my fiance and I are crazy for being together for so long and not being married yet.
Elise
[Reply]
kayla Reply:
November 10th, 2011 at 9:38 pm
This comment made me smile. We Mormons are really fast. My parents met,dated and married 3 months later. 5 kids and 16 years later and they are still going strong!
kayla
[Reply]
Like you, I’m also an over-thinker when it comes to big life decisions! I can basically talk myself out of anything. Luckily, I have a patient husband
We met my freshman year of college, and while he was ready for a relationship right away, I wasn’t. We were friends for 2 1/2 years before I asked him out during junior year (he had already asked me out twice, and had been told ‘no,’ so he made it clear he wasn’t trying again). We made it through college, a long distance relationship while we got our master’s degrees, and were married 5 years after we started dating (though we had known each other for 7)! I agree that it depends on the couple, but I think the friendship my husband and I built before dating created a solid bond and base for our relationship. I’m truly married to my best friend!
Cassie
[Reply]
My husband and I got engaged on the day after our 6 year anniversary. I think 6 years was good for us. We always knew we were going to get married, but neither of us were in a huge hurry to do it. Plus we lived together for 4 of those years, so it was like we were already married anyway.
Kerry @ Half Healthy, Half Nuts
[Reply]
Pierre and I only dated 2 months before getting engaged. It was perfect for the both of us and the right decision. We got married a year later and we’ve been married almost 5 years. I wouldn’t change a thing about our story so far.
Pierre’s parents met a few times at a diner his mom was working at, were apart for 2 months (his dad is in the Navy), and got married right after he came back from sea. they’ve been married for over 30 years and love one another like I’ve never seen. It’s such an awesome story!
Jamily
[Reply]
My husband and I dated for about 3 years before we got engaged. At the time it didn’t feel like we were “too young” but I was 23 and he was 25. We’ve been married for 7 years and have a 2 year old.
For us the timing was perfect because we enjoyed being a young married couple and then as we got a little older we put our focus into starting a family. There hasn’t been a big rush on anything (except now that I’m 31 my clock seems to be ticking a little louder these days for baby no. 2).
Jennifer
[Reply]
My husband and I met 5 years ago on eharmony. I was 25 he was 23. Previously we were both in 5-7 year relationships that ended up not being the one. Our first date was in August, by April he already purchased a ring and he proposed in June (in Japan!) 14 months later we were married and still going strong 3 years later.
Every person is different and every relationship is different.
My mom told me, when you know you’ll know. I always thought she was full of it- turns out Mom knows best
Jen from The Paper Pod
[Reply]
I feel ya! I met my husband at our freshman orientation at college, and we dated for 3 and a half years before getting married. We hit the 3 year mark right about the time we got engaged. I do see the point the teacher made about 3 years and going through changes–that was mine and Derek’s experience. In the South though, people get married younger. I live in DC now, and people give me a hard time about being married at 24. I don’t let it bother me too much haha
Catherine
[Reply]
You and Ryan waited like the exact time period I would like to wait
Me and my boy-friend have been dating 3 years now (since I was 16 and I’m 19 now). We don’t want to get married till I’m like 23 years old though and near complete with college (I’m pre-physical therapy). So we’ll be dating 6 years nearly 7 years by the time that we get married haha. As long as we’re together and happy though that’s what matters <3
chelsea
[Reply]
I met my husband in grade school and we loved each other then. We grew up went separate ways, married other people, got divorced, found each other again. We dated for two months and got married. Sixteen years later…still in love! We are best friends.
Melissa
[Reply]
We dated about a year and a half before getting engaged. We’ve now been married more than 3 years now (together more than 5) and very happy. We have an awesome marriage.
Kristi W.
[Reply]
We got engaged just shy of 6 years of dating. We met my freshman year of college too (his sophomore year). I was also 24 when we were engaged. And, 25 when we got married last year.
AR
[Reply]
My fiance and I just got engaged 3 weeks ago and we had been dating for 13 months prior to that. We started talking a year prior to that but were in different locations and didn’t make things official for a while, which I think definitely helped to make us both sure that we wanted to be in the relationship and take it to the next level.
It’s funny though because I was with my previous boyfriend for 5 years and ended up breaking up with him because I knew the next step was getting engaged and I didn’t think we were there…I knew after that relationship that I would meet someone and things would progress quickly which is exactly what happened!
Jenny
[Reply]
My boyfriend and I started dating freshman year of university, broke up for 1 year and now we’ve been back together for 2.5 years (I’m 23). Although when people ask, I usually just say we’ve been dating for 5 year
If we were older, I think we would probably be engaged, but we both feel like we’re so young to be getting married when we haven’t really figured out what we want to do with the rest of our lives! We know we’re in it for the long haul, so why rush marriage? Plus, I would like a nice wedding and a ballin’ honeymoon and we’re broke students right now haha.
Erin @ Running Tall
[Reply]
My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years, and while we talk about getting married, we’re not in a big rush (we’re still just babies at 22!)
Stephanie @ Snacking on Sunshine
[Reply]
My boyfriend now of almost 4 months have talked about getting marriage for at least 2 months now. We have known each other since I was in middle school (about 8-9 years). We truly believe we should be together for the rest of our life. Even though some others may think that we’re absolutely crazy.
Samantha
[Reply]
I was the same about getting married, and I got married when I was 32 and I still was wondering if I should do it cuz big steps scare me! I BARELY wanted to move in with him because I was worried it would ruin the good thing we had. Luckily, it did not.
But Fabian and I dated for 6 years, engaged for 15 months. So 7 years dating altogether.
Paula @ Eat: Watch: Run
[Reply]
Lol I met my Husband 10/30/2009, we literally spent two days together before I flew back home to FL and we got engaged that thanksgiving with only having spent three days together in person. We got married 12/21/2009 and it has been the most amazing thing I have ever been a part of. I wouldn’t change any of it for anything because we are totally perfect for each other, as cliche as that sounds when you know you know.
Amanda @ Justamandaj
[Reply]
I am engaged now, actually, and we got engaged after only a year and a half of dating! Sometimes it seems like it happened so fast, but he was my best guy friend since I was twelve years old, so I think that must count for something! ^.^
Lori
[Reply]
My husband and I dated for about 5 years before getting engaged. We began dating exclusively when I was 17 and he was 19, and he was more than ready to get married by the time we were 20 and 22! haha. He’s always said he’s known he’d marry me from the first time he talked to me, but like you, I am a very cautious person by nature, and I was definitely not on the same page. As I grew older, I knew I would eventually marry my husband, but I was by no means waiting for a ring. He surprised me by proposing in 2008, when I was 22, after we’d been dating 5 years. On top of that, we chose a wedding date 2 years out, so we were dating over 7 years by the time we were married – quite a long time when you get married at 24!
Brittany
[Reply]
My boyfriend and I have been together now for 8 and a half years happily. we have DEFINITELY been through a lot during that time and we will definitely get married but honestly we arent in a hurry and i dont feel a lot will change when we get married though I am sure we will within the next few years!
Andrea @ Andrea Out Loud!
[Reply]
We met while we were in college (I was 19 he was 20), and have been nearly inseparable ever since. After graduation and moving across the country together 3 years later, we got engaged. A year and a half later we got married (I was 23, he was 25)
We’ve been married a year and a half now, and we’re about to celebrate 6 years together this Thanksgiving!
Jen
[Reply]
For me, I think 2 years at the minimum is an ok amount of time to date before being engaged. The direction I’m headed, it’ll be about 2 1/2 years. I think when you know, “you know.” But it’s definitely important to learn to grow individually without growing apart. I think it’s important not to jump into living together and balancing your relationships with friends and your significant other.
sMiles from Callie
[Reply]
Interesting post! Being someone who is 26 and just dating, I think it really depends on the couple! My parents dated for a year and a half before getting married and have been married for 29 years. My brother dated his girlfriend for 10 years before getting engaged. Me? I guess time will tell!
By the way, the pancakes look amazing!
Michelle @ Blogitness
[Reply]
I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over three years now, and I’m starting to get a little antsy. We met in law school and dated for 11 months before he went away for school for 1 year, so we were long distance during that time period. After that we moved in together (had been dating just about 2 years) and it was only then that it started to feel like we were dating in “real life” with jobs, an apartment, etc.
My baby sister started dating her now husband, got engaged in less than a year and married a year after that. Everyone thought that that should upset me because when they got engaged, I’d been with my boyfriend a year longer. But, they met in “real life.” He’s older and settled, and my sister was already settled into her career.
I really think that whether you met in school or after school matters. If you meet in school it can take a lot longer to get settled and face some real world challenges together.
Sara
[Reply]
Brittany Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 10:57 am
^ I completely agree. My husband and I dated while I was in high school, then while we were in college, and got engaged just after I had begun law school. The “school” thing was definitely a factor in dragging out our engagement and wedding. It can feel weird to get so settled in that aspect of your life when everything else is sort of up in the air.
Brittany
[Reply]
Haha I laughed out loud when I read what you said about having no interest in gardening and feeling bad about your interior design skills because I always feel the same EXACT way when I read Better Homes & Gardens! My mother-in-law got me a subscription to BH&G this past year, and as much as I love all the ideas, every single time, I am reminded how much I’m not interested in gardening and how I feel badly about my interior design skills.
My husband and I dated only a year before getting engaged. We’ve known each other and have been friends since we were 12, so that helped. My husband has always said that when he wants something, he knows it and he’ll get it. Ha. You’re definitely right though, it absolutely depends on the couple and where they are in life. I don’t think there’s a “set” number of years you have to date before you get engaged.
Ashley @ My Food ‘N’ Fitness Diaries
[Reply]
My husband and I dated for 3 1/2 years before we got engaged and we were engaged for a year. We just celebrated our 2 year anniversary and honestly, I feel that only now do I fully understand the concept of marriage and what a serious commitment it is. I love being married and my husband is phenomenal.
One of my best friends dated her boyfriend for 6 years and they lived in a NYC studio apartment (NYC apartments are small enough to begin with) for about 5 years. They were engaged for a year and got married in May 2010. I always felt if they could survive living in a small space like that, they’d be together forever. Unfortunately after a year of marriage they got divorced.
I don’t think there is a magical number that makes marriage work. I think as long as you are both dedicated to each other and making it work, it will.
My relationship with my husband just works. We ‘get’ each other, laugh together, and have such a great time together. Like they say, “When you know, you know.”
Heather
[Reply]
Dan and I dated for 4.5 years for the same reason as you and Ryan. We were 24 (and a half ) when we got married and I STILL feel like that was super young. We didn’t rush kids – though everyone and their brother thought we should.
I do think it’s different as you get older. Not that you don’t change, but you definitely become more set in your ways as you reach your 30s and I think it’s more acceptable to meet and get married within a year or two of dating.
My middle brother is taking things to extreme though – he finally proposed to his girlfriend after dating for 10+years and now they are participating in the worlds longest engagement. I’m trying not to be a pain about it – but I officially want a sister already!
Michelle
[Reply]
I think it totally depends on the couple. Some people, like my aunt and uncle, dated for 7 years and were engaged for 4.5 years before they tied the knot! They’ve been married 4 years now and have an almost-two-year-old baby girl and are happier than ever. Waiting for them just worked. On the other hand, my mom and step-dad got married exactly one year after they met – to the day. And they just celebrated their 9-year anniversary. Sometimes you just know.
Me, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nearly three years now. I can definitely see a future with him and we talk about it all the time, but at the same time, I’m in no rush. I’m only 21 (almost 22!) and tend to be like you — I over think big decisions. I grew up with divorced parents and don’t ever want to experience it firsthand. If Dustin’s the guy I’m supposed to be with forever, then waiting a few more years won’t matter. We’re still together
Samantha
[Reply]
I definitely agree with your viewpoints on dating before engagement. Though some quick engagements have led to life-time marriages, I think you really need to know someone before making a commitment to them.
Colleen @ Jimmy Choos on the Treadmill
[Reply]
My husband and I got engaged on our one-year anniversary and were married four months later! (exactly four months ago!)
Looking back, we were talking about marriage about three months into the relationship. I know both of us knew early on that we were “soulmates” if you will, but it was kind of an unspoken thing. (it scared the crap out of me, to be honest)
Cyndie
[Reply]
I just got engaged 1.5 weeks ago (YAY!!!) and our 1 year dating anniversary is this Saturday. We met in August last year, and already talked about getting married and having kids one week after “officially” being together. In April, I moved from Germany to Canada to be with him and couldn’t be happier! We plan to get married in March/April next year. I know that he’s “the One”, so I don’t need to wait any longer!
But I strongly agree, it always depends on the couple and the specific circumstances in their life’s. You have to do what feels right for you !
Franzi
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 12:50 pm
congratulations!!!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
I will agree that it entirely depends on the couple. I dated my ex husband for SEVEN years before we got married. A few months later found out that he was keeping HUGE secrets from me… things really turned over the first two years of our marriage and we got divorced shortly thereafter.
The biggest advice I would give is to trust your instincts always… they are almost always right when it comes to matters of the heart! Even if you can’t quite put your finger on what isn’t right.
Danielle C.
[Reply]
I would like to be with my husband for at last 8 months before getting engaged, although preferably a year!
Khushboo
[Reply]
My parents met and got married within 6months. Timing was perfect for the both of them as far as what stages of life they were in. I really think that timing is everything and often see people wait until their careers are in line or school is finished . When my dad proposed to my mom he asked her “I wonder what our kids will look like” and somewhat blindsided her because they barely knew each other, one month to be exact. They have been married for 32 years now
Ashley
[Reply]
My husband and I dated for only about 6 months before getting engaged. However, we had been friends for a solid 8 years before we started dating. We went to high school together, but only really got to know one another during my senior year, his junior year. Yes, I’m a cradle robber
When we did take the plunge into dating, we already knew each other pretty well. We basically skipped the “getting to know you” phase of dating. I always knew that if our relationship became more than just friends, I knew that would be it. I’m glad we took the risk – because it was a risk in our eyes, neither one of us wanting to lose a friend. Life worked out just the way it was meant to
Laura @ First Class Great Outdoors
[Reply]
I love reading these stories too! It gives me perspective. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year–we’re both 24–and we both know that we’re soulmates, but it seems a little crazy to get engaged soon. I think three years is a good standard for those of us in early/mid-twenties.
Alix
[Reply]
We dated 5 1/2 years before getting engaged (started dating when I was 16, he was 17), and then had a 1-year engagement. Just celebrated 8 years together in September!
Callie
[Reply]
Jarod and I dated for almost exactly four years before we got engaged. He was 25 and I was 27. We owned a house together and had been through many of life’s “moments” during that time. We knew we were ready to get married. It’s funny though, because at our wedding, people kept joking about how long it took Jarod to ask me. I’m happy we waited four years. It was the perfect amount of time for us. Now I know I’m spending my life with the right person
Kaella
[Reply]
We started dating when we were 15, got engaged six years later at 21, and were married on our 8th dating anniversary at 23! We are young, but knew it was right!
Ashley O. @ The Vegetable Life
[Reply]
My husband and I dated only 8 months before we got engaged. We were engaged for 6 months and have been married for 8 weeks now. I used to think I wanted to date the guy I was to marry at least a year before he asked, but since we are both well out of college and in our careers now, we thought that waiting was silly. I couldn’t be happier!
Kelli
[Reply]
We dates 6 months before we got engaged but didn’t get married for another year and a half. I wanted to get married on Dec. 18 the same day my parents, grandparents, and great, great grandparents got married so having a longer engagement worked out perfectly!
Linsey Taylor
[Reply]
My husband and I dated for 2 years before we got engaged. We were engaged for 6 months before we got married. But I knew he was “the one” the moment I saw him. Isn’t that funny? I never really believed in live at first sight, but now I know it’s true!
Heather H. @ Run Eat Play
[Reply]
I’ve been dating the coach for about a year and three months, and I dont even want to think about marriage. I’ve never had the “wow, he’s my soulmate” thought – which scares me. Have we weathered some crazy things? Sure…Do we get along amazingly, make each other happy, can I see myself with him forever? Yeah, but I want to make sure it’s not just a fleeting feeling. Like you, I want to do it once, so I want to have ZERO doubts and be 100% sure of the decision…which right now, I wouldnt. Besides, we both have so much growing to do – professionally, personally, etc…I’m perfectly content just dating for a few more years!
Faith @ For the Health of It
[Reply]
I got married just over a week ago so I am LOVING this topic! My now husband and I dated for just about a year and a half when we got engaged. But, we had known each other since high school so we had been friends for 14 years before becoming a couple. Even if he had asked only a few months after dating, I still would have said “yes” because I knew he was the one regardless of the time frame.
Nat
[Reply]
Love, not live!
Heather H. @ Run Eat Play
[Reply]
My husband and I had a short/long engagement. We met in Honduras and then six months later I had to move back to the U.S. We got engaged six months after that (a year after we started dating) and then got married about 2.5 years later. However, those 2.5 years were spent apart (I only saw him a few times a year since he was still in Honduras and I was in the U.S.). He moved to the U.S. three months before we got married so in total we had only physically been together for 9 months (six months when we starting dating and then the three months before we got married). I blame part of it on immigration because he couldn’t get a visa to come visit, he could only get a fiance visa. Plus, we had to get married within 90 days of his arrival in the U.S. So although I would have liked to have spent more time together, it wasn’t really an option.
The first year of marriage was quite difficult because we hardly knew each other anymore (three years apart will do that). However, I love him with all my heart and am so glad I took the plunge! It has been an adventure but I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Kattrina
[Reply]
Good morning! I thought I would share my story
my husband and I went on our first date June 30th 2007 and were inseperable from the begining. In October we found out that he was going to be deployed to Iraq. That made us take a long hard look at our relationship and things all of a sudden got REAL serious. December 15th 2007 we got engaged. We didn’t have time to plan a wedding before he left and truthfully everyone was telling us it was too fast and to wait until he came back. On December 31st 2007 we eloped in secret. Talk about being nervous! I am not one to go against what my family suggests. It was very scary times, but we got through it and we planned had a wedding after he got home in September 2008. So this December we will have been married 4 years. I will call it a success when we are still married in our 80′s. When we were first together I second guess my self a lot but I am glad we did what we did because it has been an amazing 4 years.
Kenda
[Reply]
My boyfriend and I met my freshman year of college but didn’t start dating till both of us had graduated from school. We have now been dating for almost two years. I know he is the one. I don’t know if I have a time frame for how long we should date before we get engaged. I think when it happens it happens, and that means its the right time!
Hilliary @ Happily Ever Healthy
[Reply]
You and Ryan have such a cute story
Here’s an opinion of a single girl like myself!
I agree with you as in it depends on the couple. I think 1 month, 1 week, 5 years or even 10 years are all perfectly acceptable! I am 24 years old and I have had 2 long term relationships in my life. Although I loved both of these guys..our lives did not “mesh” together. We had compatible personalites but what I wanted in life and what they wanted in life seemed to be completely different. When you find a guy who wants all the same things in life as you, and you get that feeling like you just KNOW it’s him you want to marry, I don’t think you need to wait years and years. That being said, I do have a spontaneous personality and do things on a whim!
My parents started dating at 18 years old and didn’t get married until 28!! Although they said they knew they would get married as soon as they met… they just didn’t wanna rush it!
Therefore, I agree that I don’t think the length of dating before getting engaged/married matters at all! Whatever makes you happy!
Shannon
[Reply]
I love the stories of people waiting 4-5-6 years but I’m in a different boat. I just turned 30 (he’s 34) and have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. I HATE being this old and not being married but I am actually happy not being engaged yet. I want to date for 2-3 years before engagement but the older you get, the longer that seems. If we had met at 20 or 21, it’d be different. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I only want to get engaged NOW because of the age thing. If age were no factor, I wouldn’t be in this rush. It’s frustrating but I guess, if it’s it right, it will happen in it’s own time and I should just enjoy things as they are now because I’ll never get this time back!
Ericka @ The Sweet Life
[Reply]
haha this question is kind of interesting because i’ve been engaged before..but it didnt work out. me and my exfiance were together for around 5 years before he popped the question..I had graduated from college and we had finally moved in together. we were engaged for another 2 years after that…but I knew my heart just wasnt in it. I wasnt excited or motivated to plan my wedding or my life with him. you change SO much over the course of 7 years, especially when you are dating since you are 17. I was so scared to break it off with him because of how long we’d been together but i’m so happy I did…because a couple months after we had broken up, I met the real love of my life..and now we’ve been dating for almost 2 years next month. I knew I wanted to marry him after only a few months..and I know its right bc i’ve never felt so sure of anything in my whole life. we moved in together after being inseperable for 6 months..and we’ve definitely been through alot together so far. we arent engaged yet, but its only because we’re waiting for his job situation to change…i’m pretty sure it will happen soon. its just crazy the way life goes sometimes, huh?
Theresa
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 12:48 pm
i think a lot of people get married b/c of timing and b/c it’s the “next logical step.” i’m so glad you decided to hold out! it sounds like your boyfriend is a catch!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
A big reason people used to get engaged/married in less time than nowadays is because they used to save themselves for marriage, and there was no birth control so there was even more than religious reasons for waiting until marriage before jumping in the sack. My husband and I also waited until we were married, and trust me – 14 months from meeting to marriage was long enough to wait!!! We were both in our mid-twenties and ready for marriage too, which is a little different than meeting at 17.
LG
[Reply]
I have been with my boyfriend for about 15 months, and I think that we will probably get engaged after dating for about 2 years (or maybe less). He is about 9 years older than me and waiting for me to graduate from college in May, which I think is a great idea. For us, I think that this is a perfect amount of time. Although I knew after dating him for a couple of weeks that I would marry him someday
Katie for Life
[Reply]
My fiancé and I got engaged on August 20th (and are eagerly planning our wedding next September 22nd!!), and we were together 4 years before getting engaged. I think each relationship is different, though, and it depends on the couple, the circumstances, where you are both at financially and emotionally in your life, and where you see your lives going together.
Jennifer – Somewhere In Between
[Reply]
I agree with Krista. I don’t believe there is a “set” amount of time that you date before you become engaged. My fiance and I dated for a little over a year and a half before getting engaged. However, we have friends that have been dating longer than us and the girlfriend believes that they should have been engaged before Kevin and I specifically because they have been dating longer! I knew that my fiance was the right one and was in no hurry to become engaged. Engaged or not, I knew we would still be together for a lifetime!
Ashley
[Reply]
I actually have been thinking about this a lot. I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now (not a long time at all!). Both of my best friends say “he’s the one!”. I’ll be 30 and he’s 32. I think even if I knew he was the one, I can’t even imagine getting engaged after dating less than a year. I think it does take a while to REALLY get to know someone and knowing myself, I have to think about things for a while (he’s the same way).
On the other hand, my parents were engaged less than a year of dating, and now have been married 40 years! They were 24 and 25 when they got married but were also married for about 8 years before they had my sister.
Rachel
[Reply]
I felt the same way about not wanting to jump into it. Steve and I started dating when I was 18 and I never expected him to turn into the one, but the longer we were together and the more serious it got, I knew I needed to wait until I was absolutely sure–like you said, I just want to do it once and do it right! So after almost 7 years I was finally ready (he had told me he was ready long before and had been waiting patiently for me to come up to speed). I absolutely think waiting was for the best. I went into my wedding day with no nerves (other than the speaking my vows in front of everyone part) and without a doubt in my mind!
Ari @ Ari’s Menu
[Reply]
While 8 years is a long time to date before getting engaged, we started seeing eachother when we were 19! So young! Now we have been together for 10 years and married for one
Couldn’t be happier and more sure of my choice!
JessieBee
[Reply]
I’m as single as it gets right now! So I’ve had a lot of time to think about this… I’d probably like to be with someone at least a year to three years before getting engaged. But my engagement would also last at least a year, I’d like to enjoy it!
Steph @ StephSnacks
[Reply]
Annie Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 4:56 pm
such a lovely story!
Annie
[Reply]
Annie Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
woops sorry, wrong comment!
Annie
[Reply]
I have one of those spontaneous love stories! I met my husband at a publishing company where I had been working for 2 years, he had just been hired in a different department. I was 20, almost 21. Saw him, and “felt it” at first sight. He did too, he asked me out to a movie and instead we ended up talking all day/night. He proposed to me, completely spontaneously and I said yes. We just knew! So, engaged on our first date, he never left my apartment after that date and we’ve never been apart. We got married 7 months later, and have been married for over 10 years. We have 3 children (also spontaneous decisions, haha!!) and we are as on love as 2 peole can be, very happy life. And yes, we have been through A LOT. But we knew from the beginning we were the “do it once” types and didn’t feel the need to wait if we were sure.
Rebecca
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 12:46 pm
that’s so cool. congrats to you and your husband on living a happy life together with three children! i’m sure they’ll love to hear your story one day.
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
We were engaged after 2 months of dating (though we’d known each other for years), but we were engaged for 2 years before our wedding. Soooo, I guess it balances out? I figure each relationship is different, and you do what’s right for you. We just celebrated 3 years of marriage – so far so good!
Stephanie
[Reply]
My husband and I were together 3 years before getting engaged, and 5 years before we got married. It was all about our personal timing and making our own plans work! I like the idea of three years, though, because it’s true that you need to see each other during the rough times – then again, if those rough times come within the first two months, maybe two months is enough!
Julie
[Reply]
I’ve been reading your blog for a while, I’ve never left a comment, but I couldn’t help it with this topic!
My husband and I definitely have a story to tell the grandkids! Our first date was September 8th….yes as in two months ago. The following Monday, he was at my house watching the Bachelor Pad season finale with me (He’s a trooper!) We were joking around and I said we should just go to Vegas and elope. He looked at me dead serious and was like, “Okay, let’s go.”
I was totally caught off guard, but then I started to think about it, and it just felt right! Now, I’m totally like you, I overthink and overanalyze everything to a fault. But with this, there was no doubt or second guessing. I happened to have my wedding dress in a box under my bed from a previous engagement that had been called off. At 11 PM, we packed our bags, loaded the car and drove Vegas. We arrived at 4 in the morning and were married that afternoon.
I’ve never been happier and love our story
No kids for a while though, I’m only 25 and we have a lot to learn about each other!
Lisa
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 12:44 pm
ahhh! thanks so much for commenting! what a story! that is definitely one to share with the kids!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
I got engaged 3 weeks ago this Friday (geez, time is just FLYING by!) and we have been together 2 1/2 years. We won’t get married until I graduate in 2 more years. We knew with in 2 weeks of dating that we were in love (I was 21, it was a month before before my birthday). We have been living in our own place for over a year before we finally had the finances straight that we could even afford an engagement ring! We are 24 & 30, so when we marry in 2 years I thing the ages & how everything else will fall into place will be perfect.
I find it interesting how other relationships work, like people only dating 6 months & getting engaged, people getting married straight out of high school, or while in college. To each their own, because most people right now think we are crazy for waiting 2 years to say “I do”, but that is what will work for us.
I have no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with Todd, and yes it will be hard to wait so long for that day…but I want to be able to focus on school right now, and once I graduate I need to take my state and national exams (vet tech), so we are waiting until Halloween 2013 to get married
Kate
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 12:43 pm
congratulations on your engagement!!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
I think the number of years really depends on where you are in life. The X and I were dating 2.5y before the engagement….and it still failed. We actually had HUGE events in year 1…his PhD program, my awful job, his serious car accident, my unknown illness.
I’m now 33. I’ve been with the BF for 10m and honestly feel really confident he’s my forever guy. Again, we’ve had some big events to deal with…he had to do 3 jobs for a bit and his mom has had some serious health scares and he saw me through major surgery, even sitting for 5h and stroking my head in the recovery room. i moved in after only two months…but i felt like in our 30s we both knew quicker what we wanted and needed and we were more honest about that than a 20yo might be.
cheryl
[Reply]
HAHA! My husband and I got engaged just after our three year anniversary- and got married last week on our 5 year
funny how that three year thing works out
stephanie*s
[Reply]
I agree and think it totally depends on the couple. My younger sister had only been dating her husband a year (she is 24). My older sister (she is 27) just got engaged last weekend and has been dating her finace for 5 years. I am 25 and have been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 years and we are not engaged. We met at the end of our freshman year of college.
It’s definitely all about personal timing. For us, we are strongly committed and for now, we are happy with that. We do hope to get married in the next few years, but put absolutely no pressure on ourselves which I think allows us to have as good of a relationship as we do. He gets WAY more pressure from other people than he does from me. We are happy and that’s all that matters.
Hillary
[Reply]
We dated for 2 years before getting engaged (the proposal actually came a week after our 2 yr anniversary).. we were then married just under a month before our 3 yr ‘dating’ anniversary!
Laura @ Starting Out Fi
[Reply]
My boyfriend and I were together for about 4 years before we broke up for 4. We’ve been back together about a year and plan on getting engaged sometime in 2012.
Kelly
[Reply]
Hi Julie! I actually JUST got engaged 2 weeks ago! I’m only 23, and let me tell you, I never thought I’d be this young. I’ll be married when I’m 24 (8.17.12). My fiance knew the moment we met in January 2007 that he would marry me, but we only dated for a year then broke up due to being in different states. We talked on and off (after NOT talking for 2 yearS). When we dated we said if we broke up, we would meet in the parking lot where we first said “I love You” on October 22, 2011. We weren’t expecting to be dating (We got back together around last February), and we both knew we wanted to marry. So I met him at the parking lot on 10.22.11 and he actually asked me to marry him! I WAS SHOCKED! When I said yes, after sobbing my eyes out, he said he knew he would ask me on that date the moment we made it. Such a cute love story, and I’m so lucky to be living it!
Amanda
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 12:37 pm
ahhhh this made me cry! that is unbelievably sweet. congratulations to you!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
I also had the mindset of waiting 5 years before you get married. I’ve been dating my boyfriend since my freshman year of college. I was 18 and he was 21. It will be 5 years coming up in February. We did the long distance thing for two years and then after I graduated in 2010 we moved in together. Going on a year and a half living together we’ve been through a ton. We’ve dealt with the loss of a parent, fights about cleaning and our first vacation together. I know I’d love to spend the rest of my life with him so when it’s meant to be it will happen. Until then I’ll just stare at wedding boards on pinterest and gather ideas1
SarahB
[Reply]
I’m loving all these sweet stories! I think it just depends on the relationship. I know one couple who met on a blind date and were engaged a month later – and now they’ve been married for more than 30 years. Then others date for 10 years and still aren’t engaged. It’s one of those things you can’t predict. (Side note: Those pancakes look amazing.)
Katie
[Reply]
My BF and I have been together almost five years now. We recently moved to California and moved in together (something I did not want to go before getting engaged, but moving out here it just made sense to not have to get two crazy expensive apartments).
Anyway, these five years have taught us so much–it’s true. I fully support the three-year theory. And I’m pretty sure he is proposing around Christmas time—I’m so excited!
Casey @ Pocket Full of Sunshine
[Reply]
I am just like you in that normally I tend to overly think the big decisions. My now husband and I only dated for 4 1/2 months before getting engaged and got married 6 months later. I am definitely not typically that spontaneous of a person and definitely threw my family for a loop with my decision. However, they were fully supportive and I think the fact that my mom was so supportive is what told me that it was the right decision. As cliche as it is sometimes when you know you know. (just for the record we were not pregnant because you know someone might read this and think that was the case)
Courtney
[Reply]
I dated my husband for 4 1/2 years before he popped the question and our whole relationship was long distance. He was living in Dubai and I was living in London. We were engaged for 6months, don’t think I could have handled any more time apart!
Karina
[Reply]
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year but I knew within two months of dating that he’s the one. He fell in love with me pretty much at first sight
We won’t actually get engaged until later this year but I know when we do it will be the perfect time.
kyla
[Reply]
I was dating my husband for just about 4 years before we got engaged, & we got married a year & a half later.
I think it depends largely on how old you are when you start dating a person! You could be dating your high school sweetheart since the age of 15, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ready to get married at 18 or 20! On the other hand, I think if you’re older, you have a better sense of who you are/what you want in life, so the amount of time spent dating could be a lot less!
Erica @ For the Sake of Cake
[Reply]
The title of this post immediately pulled me in. I’m actually struggling with this quite a bit. My boyfriend and I met January 16th 2010 and started dating January 17th 2010. I knew right away that he was the man that would help make my life everything I wanted it to be. And so far, he has. We moved in together in June of this year and the last 5 months of co-habitation have been absolute bliss. Recently (and suddenly) I lost someone very close to me to cancer and he was there for me in every way. I never imagined I could feel this loved.
I want more than anything to spend the rest of my life with this man. We’ve talked about it and he wants the same. He’s 34 and I’m 27 so we both feel that we’re old/mature enough to make that step. And with seemingly all of my friends getting married (we had 11 weddings this year!), the idea of getting engaged is not far from our minds – or the minds of our less-than-subtle friends and family.
I’m trying to be patient (the ball is, after all, in his court with this one) but I feel myself turning into one of those stereotypical girls that spends hours on theknot, pinterest, etsy, etc. looking for wedding ideas. Am I ridiculous for being so eager when we haven’t even been together for 2 years?? Meanwhile he’s so confident and laid back about the whole thing..”I need to have a sit down with your dad”… “it will be our time soon”. He knows I love surprises and I like to think it’s scheming but I just don’t know! I can’t wait to get engaged but I kind of need to(?). oy.
Melissa
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 12:36 pm
it seems like it’s right around the corner…
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
We dated for exactly one year, got engaged, then got married one year later (married at age 22). When you know you, you know!
Courtney @ The Granola Chronicles
[Reply]
I think it’s totally the personalities of the couple but also where you’re both at in life that really makes a difference. In HS I was in a 4 yr relationship (but never once contemplated marriage), in college and the year after I was in a 5 yr relationship (and talked about it but something held me back) and l realized I wasn’t ready because he wasn’t the right person. I was then in a 2 yr relationship and thank God we spent that long together before talking about it because we just didn’t match well in certain scenarios but it took us that amount of time to get to the depth in our relationship. We broke up and I stayed single for almost a year and a half really focusing on me before dating again.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months and I already know he’s the one. Heck I knew it easily after 6 months and we even went to look at rings so it’s coming sometime soon! Honestly I think the biggest difference here is we’re both at an age where we know ourselves (27), we know what we want and don’t want out of a relationship and we have those past experiences to help us in our relationship. Our biggest strength is communication so the little things never bother me – I know if we live together and he has habits that drive me nuts I can just talk to him and work to fix it before getting resentful. Our core values and life goals match so well – we’re going to make sure we always have open communication so the little things don’t add up!
Now…I just excitedly wait!
Caitlin P.
[Reply]
I used to be one of those people who was really “judge-y” about couples who rushed into moving into together, getting married, etc….and then I met my husband. I knew he was the one after just three months; we moved in together at six months; and we were engaged after nine. We got married a year later and have now been married for almost five. I feel like the universe was smacking me down for being such a jerk before.
When you know, you know!
Amy
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 12:34 pm
hahaha that made me laugh! so glad you found a keeper so fast!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
My hubby and I met freshman year of high school and dated from sophmore year until college graduation, when we got engaged. Like you, I was young (22) when I was engaged and married at 23 (I’m now 25). I too felt like I was engaged so young compared to most of my girlfriends but we dated for 7 years and I knew he was the man I wanted to spend forever with. I did second guess marriage so many times when I was engaged becasue I was terrified I would be a bad wife, lose my private time, have trouble living with my man, etc. Two plus years later…I couldn’t be happier. Worry and fear are normal and exciting at times. If you feel you are ready regardless of your age or how long you have been dating, I say go for it. However, make sure you are ready because marriage is forever (at least for me).
mel
[Reply]
My husband and I dated for a year and a half before getting engaged. This January we’ll have our 3rd year wedding anniversary.
Laura Fredlund
[Reply]
My parents met and got married within six months. They were never even engaged. They worked at the same place and happened to have the same day off on a weekday and decided to get married that very day. they’ve been married for 25 years. I know this is not something that works for most people, (kim and kris) lol. I think it takes a good year to figure out who someone really is and to see all sides of them.
stevie
[Reply]
My parents met and got married within six months. They were never even engaged. They worked at the same place and happened to have the same day off on a weekday and decided to get married that very day. They didn’t even have rings for each other. My mom chose to wear a ring from an ex boyfriend as her “wedding ring”. Later on of course they got official rings from each other. they’ve been married for 25 years and have owned businesses together most of their married life. I know this is not something that works for most people, (kim and kris) lol. I think it takes a good year to figure out who someone really is in order to see all sides of them.
stevie
[Reply]
My husband and I got engaged after 4 years of dating. We actually just got married September 23 of this year! I knew he was the one the first day we started dating so I would have tied the knot years ago but law school and master’s degrees got in the way! I’m glad we waited though because our wedding was everything I could have ever wanted!
P.S. Those pancakes look fantastic!
Jaime
[Reply]
My husband and I dated for a little over a year before getting engaged and then had a 6 month engagement before tying the knot. This was perfect for me because although I knew Ben was “the one” about 3 months into dating, I still wanted to go through trials and see if we could get through them together. I also wanted to know absolutely everything about him…obviously that still hasn’t happened, but I love everyday of trying!
Natalie
[Reply]
We got married on our 4 year anniversary- and I was only 21.. Now looking back I think that although we waiting an appropriate time to get married- I was too young. Not that I wouldn’t have chosen to marry him- but I wish I would have lived alone and went on adventures before living together and getting hitched- which lead us to separate over this summer- fortunately we are working it out now which I’m thrilled about, but I do think it could have been avoided had we had that time prior
Coco
[Reply]
My personal opinion is that I need to know someone through at least all 4 seasons before deciding you want to spend the rest of your life with them. I once had a boyfriend who I started dating in the Spring, and all was good. Then in the Winter, he got dry skin on his face and it sicked me out so bad (I know, how shallow, right?) But he refused to do anything about it, and his face was literally flaking off everywhere. Ick. He was also pretty moody in the Winter, claiming it was due to lack of sunlight, (which I understand) but, no thank you!
Katie G
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:35 pm
LOL!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
Hi Julie! First – you’re such a talented writer! I stumbled upon your blog a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been hooked – it gets me thru the slow hours at work!
My fiance and I were dating for a little more than two years before we got engaged, and it felt like it took FOREVER. I knew (or at least I think I did) during the first month of us dating that I could have a future with him, so having to wait that long to start it was killing me! We’re getting married next October and at that point we’ll have been together for four years.
Sam
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:34 pm
i’m so glad you found me! and congratulations on your engagement! october weddings are the best… but i’m a little biased.
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
Kaella Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 4:43 pm
I agree with you Julie! October weddings are the best
Kaella
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 5:18 pm
woooo!
peanutbutterfingers
Wow this seems to be a hot topic! I met my Mister about 2 years before we started dating… we finally got together and dated for a little less than a year, engaged 14 months and now have been married for 2.5 years. It’s been a whirlwind 4.5 years, but I couldn’t imagine waiting any longer to marry him!
Katie M
[Reply]
My fiance and I dated exactly a year before getting engaged. He surprised me with the ring on our anniversary day, at the exact minute that we first met (he’s pretty good with remembering details!!!) in the spot where we first kissed. Our engagement will be just under a year, with the wedding on September 2, 2012!!
We’re both in our late 20′s, quickly became each others best friend, and knew there wasn’t anyone else we’d want to spend the rest of our lives with!
Lisa
[Reply]
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We met in college, were friends for 3 months before we both admitted to having feelings for each other. As soon as we found this out, I basically moved into his dorm room, and we now live together. We have lived together from the get-go, and both decided we want to marry each other within a few short months. Right now isn’t the right time for engagement (need to be able to afford a ring before you can have one!) but we both want to start young. His family all got married in their late teens, and everyone in my family had babies before the age of 21. I don’t plan on moving THAT fast, but we both know what we want, and plan on having it all before the age of 25. Getting into a career before engagement isn’t a big deal for us, but it is a very huge deal before children. I may only be 21, but everyone tells both of us that they’ve never seen us happier before. When you know, you KNOW!
Rebecca
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:49 pm
I should also add, I guess, that we’ve known each other since we were toddlers and that our mothers plotted to get us together our whole lives.
Heather
[Reply]
We were together five years before getting engaged including living together for two years, then were engaged for a year before getting married. Now we’ve been married for 7.5 years ad we couldn’t be happier. That being said, I think it’s all about knowing yourself and what will work for you and your relationship. I don’t think there’s a magic number.
Heather
[Reply]
Oh love this post! It’s been a big topic in my life lately. My boyfriend and I have been dating since our senior year of college. This December will be 3 years. We bought a house together this past May and since then I can’t even begin to tell you how many have asked when are we getting married. (I consider the house my promise ring haha) I’m really in no rush, even though I know he’s the one and we’ve talked about marriage. He just says, he has a plan. But if I were to go home tonight and he’d ask, I’d for sure say yes and I’m pretty sure he knows that. I have a feeling it still may be a couple more months til he pops the question though.
Now I’m literally going to go read every single comment on this post to see what other people have done.
yay.
Nancy (BeYoutiful Fitstyle)
[Reply]
Like you, I think it depends on the couple. I’m single now, but I was with an ex for 5 1/2 years….and then we broke up. My bff dated her boyfriend for 10 years and they just finally got married. Different things work for different people, and that surprises me that your teacher was so adamant on a set number as the “correct” number of years! I wonder if she followed her own rule?!
Heather@Just a Colorado Gal
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:33 pm
ha! i wonder, too! i never asked!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over 1.5 years and we already know that we want to get married. We’ve had to deal with a lot the past year which may be why we feel so sure after a relatively short period of time. I’m not sure how long it’ll take for him to actually propose and for us to get married, but in the meantime I’m sure and look forward with excitedness for the day he pops the question.
Ellen @ Undercover Runner Eats
[Reply]
I kind of agree with your teacher, Julie. I think ideally, couples would wait a couple of years to get engaged so they can experience big life changes and some dramatic events together. I think this is really important to long term viability as a couple. Also, I feel like after one year you think you know the person, but it takes year 2 and 3 to really solidify your understanding of your significant other.
Obviously this isn’t to say that people who get engaged on the early side won’t work out — clearly there are plenty of readers who are proving that wrong with their comments. And this isn’t to say that you can’t “know” the person is the “right one” right away. I just think ideally, a couple years is necessary to “verify” your feelings before you make things legal.
Just to give you some background on me: I dated my fiance for about four years before we got engaged. I knew I wanted to be with him for life within the first month of meeting him. I’m glad I waited, not because I changed my mind, but because it was important for us to learn about each other more before we decided to officially join our lives.
Nina
[Reply]
I am not dating anyone at the moment, but I feel like when I meet “The One” we’ll be married like 3 or 4 months after we meet…yea, lol.
Jihane @Sinful Sundays
[Reply]
i completely agree with you when it say it depends on the couple. I was with my boyfriend for almost four years before we broke up. We broke up after we both graduated college and realized that we were at different points in our lives. I was moving to the Northeast for my job and he was still at home. I do think that you should both graduate college and live together before you get engaged. I think when college is over, real life begins and you don’t know how you’ll work as a couple until you face certain problems that arise with a job, home, etc.
Sara @ The Foodie Diaries
[Reply]
I think it depends on a lot of things…where you are in your lives emotionally and financially, and how you feel about each other.
I have been in 2+ year relationships that I knew weren’t going to last.
Now, I have been with my boyfriend only 6 months but we just moved in together. I am usually really cautious, but I am 100% sure he is my future husband.
After our first date, I called my best friend and told her I just had dinner with my future husband.
He feels exactly the same way. It’s just….right. We want to wait until our careers are more stable, and I’m in no rush. Whether we get married in a year or 5 years, I know he is the guy for me.
Coco
[Reply]
I think it really depends on the couple. Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship for 7 years and was 2 months from getting married when I called it off because I knew he wasn’t the one. But after 1 week of dating my husband, I knew he was the one. We dated for 2 years before getting engaged and were engaged for 6 months before getting married. Best decision of my life, hands down.
Rosa – Fitness, Food, Fulfilled
[Reply]
I think this is an interesting topic, because I often shy away from telling people how long my husband and I dated before getting married (9 months). Really, there’s no reason to have any shame in this, as everyone is different!
Interestingly, it was a similar dating-length as both of our sets of parents.
Mimi
[Reply]
By the time I get married my fiance and I will have been together for 7 years. I’m only 24 right now and I know it seems young but I love him and I know we’re perfect for each other.
Ashley @ Good Taste Healthy Me
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We aren’t married yet, but my fiance and I got engaged about 5 years after we started dating. That was a year and a half ago and we plan to be engaged for a loooonnnng time before getting married!
Jen
[Reply]
Great topic today! Well…here goes bearing my soul…I was engaged once, after three months of dating. It was that “spontaneity” and “passion” feeling. To my dismay, my fiance ended up having horrible addiction issues as well as other things. Three months for me is not long enough to get to know someone’s soul, heart, passions, and character…or at least not with him. I am in a happy relationship now, and have to say…we have been together 4 months and I feel I am just scratching the SURFACE of who he genuinely is…and I love every minute of it. I do not say the 4-letter “L” word yet, and am OK with that. I want it to have so much meaning when it is eventually said.
claire
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:32 pm
it took me & ryan four months to say “i love you!”
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
Well, we were completely crazy for sure. We got engaged 2 weeks after we met and married 4 weeks later. However, he is in the Navy so our entire life has never happened in the way “normal” people’s lives happen. LOL Family and friends thought we were nuts at the time, but to me, when you know, you just know. I guess we were right because even with all the stresses that military life puts on us, we are still happily married. We’ve had 4 kids and in January, we will celebrate our 15 year wedding anniversary!
Stacy
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:31 pm
i got chills reading this! congratulations to you and your wonderful family.
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
I’m probably in the minority here, but my husband and I married 6 months after we met…I met him Thanksgiving weekend in 2004, and we married June 17, 2005. Things are going well for us, though…married 6 years and counting
And, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been!
Amy
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:31 pm
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
My husband and I met in high school and just recently got married in early October. So we essentially dated (minus a few breaks during college) for 11 years. It’s safe to say we like to give big decisions a lot of thought. haha
I feel really lucky to have met him so early in life.
Amanda
[Reply]
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 4 years…we are both only 24 but I want to get engaged within the next year or so. Why wait when you want to be with someone? Although I definitely understand your hesitation…sometimes I can’t imagine being someone’s wife before I’m 30!
Candice @ Sailing on Paper
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years and living together for 2.5 years – we are just waiting until he finishes up grad school to start worrying about the whole marriage thing – he’s got under a year left
Cait @ Cait hates Cake
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I have been thinking about this ALOT lately! I am single but I think I would like to date 6 months- 1 year before getting engaged! My parents dated for 3 months before their engagement and they have been married for 20 years on the 17th of November! I agree with you that it totally depends on the couple! I have always wanted to be married in my mid twenties, especially because of my quest for my PhD never ending until I am 30! I really want to be married before I graduate with my PhD!
meg
[Reply]
My boyfriend and I have been together since sophomore year of college (we’re both 24 now) and plan on getting married eventually. We live together now but I’m still in grad school and neither of us are where we want to be financially before planning such an expensive event! I’m one of those “been dreming of my wedding since i was 12″ kinda girls so I don’t mind waiting until we can do it right! (I’ll def use a couple of your DIY beautiful wedding ideas as inspiration!)
Amanda
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We dated for a little under 2 yrs, were engaged for 5 months (I was 24 when he proposed) and now we’re happily married
I would’ve married him 3 months into dating if he was ready!
Jen
[Reply]
We dated for 2 years and 3 months and will be engaged 9 months before getting married next summer. Our wedding date is 3 weeks before our 3 years anniversary.
I think the timing was perfect, though I’m SO ready to be married now!
Ashley @ Coffee Cake and Cardio
[Reply]
We date for almost 2 years before getting engaged, and then were engaged for just over a year before getting married. I also recall a teacher being adamant about the three year rule about dating before marriage and then three years before any kiddos too! However, I think it was just right for us, and over a year later I still couldn’t be happier!
Lauren
[Reply]
We got engaged in June and our 5 year dating anniversary was this Halloween! When we get married we will have been dating for almost 6 years (next August).
Bridget
[Reply]
I’ve been with Scott for 6.5 years now. I hope he pops the question soon. I feel like I’m getting old lol.
Nancy
[Reply]
I was just talking about this with my roommates last night! We were all telling the stories of how our parents met and got engaged. There was such a variance in the stories–our parents knew one another anywhere from 9 months to 4 years before getting engaged.
As many people have said, I personally think it depends on the couple as a whole as well as individuals. I dated someone for 3.5 years, and I was definitely seeing the future and wanting to marry him, but he was in med school and the timing just wasn’t right. I’m now dating someone else, and things feel right, but only time can tell.
It’s not super romantic, but I don’t think there is only ONE right person out there for everybody. I think its a combination of chemistry and timing. As you get older, I think it’s increasingly common to get engaged with a shorter duration of dating time too.
Brigitt
[Reply]
I just got engaged two months ago after dating for 7 years. I am 27 now and we met in college.
I think WHEN you started dating is a lot more important than HOW LONG you dated.
For example, 7 years of dating when you are 12-19 isn’t quite the same as if you’re 30-37.
Jessica
[Reply]
My ex and I broke up after 4 yrs together, so I definitely don’t see myself engaged after a couple months! I think I’d need at least 2-3 years together before thinking about marriage.
Charlie
[Reply]
Your pancakes look absolutely delicious!! I think you are right on that it does depend on the couple but I think being with someone for at least a year is generally a good rule of thumb… someone once told me that you need to see someone in every season and I think that’s good advice that I plan on following!
Emily @ Glitz Glam Granola
[Reply]
We were together about a year and half before he poped the question! Our engagment is longer though, as we will have been engaged for another year and a half before our May wedding. BUT – I first met my fiance in first grade, and this is the 3rd time we have dated over our many years of knowing one another. Third times the charm
He is my best friend – and I have known him for 21 years!
AP
[Reply]
After reading these comments, I don’t think we’re the norm at all! My husband and I met and were engaged in less than a year. We met when I was 25 and wanted to wait until we had been together at least a year to take the jump, but he had the ring and was so afraid that he’d loose it that he popped the question about an hour after picking it up! It was actually perfect and just what I wanted; no pressure & our own pace (even if it was fast). This NYE will mark our 3rd wedding anniversary!
Congratulations on your race, I’m so impressed that you’re working out already. I couldn’t walk for a week after my last 1/2 marathon. Nice Job!!!!!! (and I love your story).
Jill @ A Cook’s Nook
[Reply]
My hubby and I dated 3 days shy of a year before getting engaged and I was only 21! We had been through so much together making our relationship stronger, the biggest being the death of his father who I never got to meet. We knew from day 1 God meant for us to be together forever and we have a wonderful marriage!
Ruthie Hart
[Reply]
My husband and I dated for 3.5 years before getting married. For 18 months of that we were engaged. It seemed like the perfect amount of time for us because we got to really know one another.
I have told him from the beginning that to me, divorce is not an option. I don’t even consider it as something that exists. I wanted him to be comfortable with the idea, that although both his and my parents are divorced, that if wanted to marry me, it would be for life.
I think the problem comes when people don’t truly consider their vows. They just hear “through the good times and in health” without considering “the bad and sickness.”
I think it depends on the couple, but I also think too many people rush into it. Such an interesting topic!
Amber K
[Reply]
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for just about 8 years. We met at 19 and 20 and after college did long distance for 4 years before moving in together. I was ready to get engaged when we moved in, so I have been a little impatient (Societal pressures don’t help) – but I know we will get engaged and married at some point and I’m okay with that
Tiff
[Reply]
My husband and I only dated 10 months before we got engaged. And all of that time was spent in a long distance relationship. When you have to get to know someone over the phone you learn things you might not have otherwise. Then we ended up waiting a year before we actually got married.
I am one hundred percent in love with my husband and I knew he was the right guy for me. But he and I both always encorage people not to rush into a marriage.
We got engaged quickly out of neccesity because I was going overseas, but I can’t even begin to tell you how lucky we are that we ended up in the right decision, because so many people don’t.
Sarah @ The Dirt Road Dreamer
[Reply]
My Fiance, Ryan, and I first met in 9th grade homeroom. My older brother, Ryan, and I were all in the same class of 17 freshmen. My brother and Ryan quickly became best friends. Ryan and I were in love with each other since we first met in 9th grade, but neither of us thought that the other would ever be interested. Years passed and Ryan moved from Florida up to North Carolina to help out his mom. Although we texted regularly I didn’t see him again for a couple of years. Then, on memorial day weekend of 2010, seven years after we had first met, Ryan came down to Florida to visit. That weekend we finally admitted our feelings to one another. After that weekend, he went back to NC and put in a request to transfer to Tampa. We were constantly either texting or calling one another until he moved down about a month after labor day. Fact: he moved from NC to FL for me before we had ever even kissed. We moved in together within a month and got engaged on 12/4/10, after less than six months of “dating”. I’m really glad that we moved in together when we did and also that we got engaged when we did. We waited so many years for each other, and we just couldn’t imagine being apart any longer. Now, we are pretty much inseparable and we are planning on eloping in Italy late next year followed by a reception in the US for our friends and family. <3
Katy Marques
[Reply]
Katy Marques Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 2:38 pm
*my older brother Scott, Ryan and I
Katy Marques
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:30 pm
what exciting wedding plans! italy sounds amazing. i hope you have a wonderful time!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
Katy Marques Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Awe-thank you so much! =o)
Katy Marques
[Reply]
My husband went on our first date in April 2001, we were engaged Memorial Day weekend of that year and got married August 25, 2001.
10 years later we are still in love
Jen@FoodFamilyFitness
[Reply]
I’ve been dating my bf for 7+ years now. we were really young when we started dating, but I’m hoping for an engagement soon… he, on the other hand, is very career-driven and wants to have that in place before making a bigger commitment.
I think it totally depends on where you are in your life… but I couldn’t imagine dating for any less than 2 years before getting engaged.
Dani
[Reply]
We were dating for 4.5 years and living together (gasp!) for 2 years before getting engaged a few months ago. I think it depends on the situation, and that age plays a large part in the length of dating time. We were 21 when we started dating, so for us this was the perfect length of time.
I have friends that had been dating since high school and were together for 8 years before getting engaged, then another friend who was only dating her now-husband for a few months… different strokes!
Jessie
[Reply]
I’m single, but when I do get engaged in the future I’d want to wait around six months before I get married. I know that may sound short to some, but being Jewish (and Orthodox at that), that’s pretty standard. No, wait, actually that’s kind of *long* for most of them! A lot of my friends date for a very short period of time (I had one friend who dated a guy and are married within, oh, two-to-three months. Sometimes less. But it’s the culture, it’s the way of things — it certainly isn’t the absolute standard, but it happens very frequently. The goal is dating for marriage — not dating just to date.
Me? Yeah, not so much. I have to be dating someone at least a year before I get engaged and wait more than three months to marry. Seriously, though — I have friends who condensed the engagement/marriage so that the total time they’ve known each other up until their wedding date is six months or less.
Ugh. As you can see, I can go on and on about this! I kinda get carried away!
Rebecca W.
[Reply]
Thanks for this post, Julie. I enjoyed reading all the comments. Unlike most of you, I don’t believe in marriage for myself in the traditional sense, nor do I believe in “the one.” But I definitely want to find someone to love and be loved by for a long period of time, which might prove hard to find without these concrete expectations. With that, I am 30; he’s 29. We’ve been together a year and a couple months, and we love each other very much, but we’ve had some rocky patches that have exposed issues that we have both made a concerted effort to work on, which you’d think is a good sign, as if we’re worth the work to stay together, but the agony and doubt that has ensued from these issues persist to the point where I don’t feel confident about a future with him. Wish I knew he’s NOT the one, for I’d be able to grieve and move on. But I never was one to believe in a soulmate, so where does that leave me? Any advice?
Samantha
[Reply]
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:28 pm
oh that is definitely tricky. i am a firm believer that EVERY relationship takes work. it’s not always fantastic, but if it’s fantastic the vast majority of the time and you find yourself completely in love with the person, i think it’s worth trying to work on issues. when you said “i don’t feel confident about a future with him,” i would think you’d definitely want to talk about why you’re feeling that way with him. maybe it’s something you can figure out together? maybe he has similar concerns? of course i’m not involved in you situation at all, but please know i wish you the very best!
peanutbutterfingers
[Reply]
I’m single and have never been in a serious relationship so I don’t know how much reality I actually have in my ideas about this.
But – I think it really depends on the age. At 28, despite not having been in a serious relationship, I feel quite confident not only in who I am, but what I would need in a spouse. Thus, I would feel comfortable with a shorter engagement (probably not less than 6 months though). Yet, for people in their early 20s (or younger), I think there’s a LOT of value in dating for at least a year and being engaged just as long. I changed so much in that time frame and the guys I dated/liked at that point I know would be horrible for me today.
All that being said, it can really vary so much from person to person.
mindy @ just a one girl revolution.
[Reply]
My hubby and I were together for 2 years before we got engaged, but then we were engaged for nearly 4years before we got married. Dont worry – that wasnt 4 years of wedding planning
After being together for 1 year, my hubby moved to France and we were doing the long distance thing when we got engaged. Although we both knew we would get married one day, it was more of a sign of commitment to each other during that time.
We’re both still happily together, after 8 years, two county moves and two furry babies! (We took as long deciding on getting a cat as you did with Sadie!
)
Lucy
[Reply]
after 232 comments I am sure that mine doesnt count but I love my husband so much I wanted to add my comment. I am 29 years old and my husband (still weird to type) and I met and dated for eight months to the day….we started dating on 4/5/11 and got married on 11/5/11…it was just the two of us Saturday and then a luncheon with our family and friends.
I love him more than life itself and I know that even though we havent been together long…this is the man I see myself old an gray with….we work…and its not about time…its about knowing.
Jessica
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peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:29 pm
newlywed!!! congratulations!!!!
peanutbutterfingers
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Jessica Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:31 pm
thanks, I will let you know when it acutally sinks in!!! LOL
Jessica
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stephanie*s Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Congrats Jessica! Lol, I was reading through the comments, I got married last Tuesday (1 week ago!) and it is soooo weird saying “husband” now.
but i love it. enjoy it!
stephanie*s
peanutbutterfingers Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 5:18 pm
congratulations to you, stephanie!
peanutbutterfingers
My husband and I got engaged after 3 months of dating, we’re engaged almost 3 years and have been married over 3 years. We’re going on our 6 yr anniversary of our first date in 2 weeks!
Shelby
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Hi Julie – I know this is a ton of comments to weed through but I couldn’t pass this up. I got engaged on Saturday after dating for 5 1/2 years and I’m over the moon!
I wouldn’t change a thing, the 5 years gave us both time to finish grad school, really get to know each other, get settled and become financially secure before “officially” starting our life together. I can’t wait to become his wife!!!
Leslie
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We met and started dating when I was 15, he was 16. We went to high school together. We were engaged shortly before I turned 21 and were married just after I turned 22. So we dated for just under six years before getting engaged.
10 years after we met we are still going strong! There have been some ups and downs but I am so lucky to have my husband in my life. He is an amazing guy and I love him so much. We have definitely grown up together, and I think that has made our relationship pretty strong.
Ashley
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We got engaged just after our 3 year anniversary. Then we got married just after our 4 year anniversary. We have been married for a little over a month now!! Yay newlyweds.
Rachel
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I totally agree with you that it’s entirely individual. I think when a couple knows they know, and the amount of time it takes to get there doesn’t matter. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We are high school sweethearts-started dating junior year of HS-and have been together since. We went to different colleges and after graduating in May 2010 have now been living together in a tiny NYC apt for a little over a year while he goes to grad school at nyu and I work and become certified as a health counselor/holistic nutritionist. People have been harping on us about engagement since year 3 (hello we were 19 then!) and we are still not engaged. I know I absolutely want to spend my life with him, but I am just now turning 24 (hooray for november babies!) and for us I feel like we don’t need to prove our commitment right now while we are both trying to get our personal/professional ducks in a row. We are happy abd love each other. But if it did happen soon I would not complain!
great question! It really gets us women talking away, eh?
Laura@mypurposefullife
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Relationships are such funny, individual things! I can see both sides- when you meet someone and it’s the right fit, you just know, so why wait before committing? I also think there is something to be said about being together a couple/few years before marriage. My husband and I dated for a year, then moved in together, got engaged on our 2nd dating anniversary, were engaged for a year and 4 months, and married last May. (We just hit our 6 month wedding anniversary!) In the 4 years that we have been together, we’ve seen a lot- we’ve lived in 3 apartments and a house, we’ve both been laid off from our jobs, weathered long distance film shoots that kept us apart for weeks/months, we adopted 2 dogs, and have seen each other through the deaths of 3 grandparents. Many highs and many lows, but it’s made us solid. I feel like if we can navigate all of that together, life is going to be a good ride. Oh- and one thing I cannot stress enough- as my husband and I have learned individually and together (we’re 29 and 30) you can ALWAYS get married. Enjoy your twenties to their fullest- take risks, take chances, live life for you. The right person is the one that wants to go on the adventures with you/let’s you be the person that you are. And that right there makes for a solid marriage of two individuals. I wouldn’t realize how amazing my husband is, if I hadn’t given myself the time and opportunity to be amazing on my own:)
KellyLA
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Just catching up on your blog today! My husband and I were together for TEN years before getting married!! We broke up for about 8 months in that time but still!! LONG time!!
Kim
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 years (we started dating our freshman year of high school)! I’m anxious to get engaged but I’m still in law school and we’re doing the long distance thing, which sucks (I’m in DC and he’s back home in Michigan). I always told him that I didn’t want to have a long distance engagement. I feel pretty confident that once we’re back in the same place for good things will progress quickly.
Kyra
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Hum… I think that less than a year is not enough… On the other side, I remember a “rule” that after 3 years, you should either get engaged or break up, because if you don’t know then for sure, then it’s not the right person. I think that this can apply if you began dating after you were 25! But at the end every story is different!
Miriam
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I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 21. I already had a little girl and was looking for the right person to help me raise her. When the guy I loved at 15 came back into my life I thought he was it but my DD didn’t like him and he didn’t want to be serious. A guy I worked with talked me into going on a double date with his friend, so I went and met this geeky guy who at first I didn’t really like. Well after a few more dates I introduced him to DD and she really liked him. After 7 months we moved in together, and were engaged at one year. A year later he adopted my daughter. We have been married for almost 12 years now and have three more children, and I don’t feel like a day had passed since we first fell in love.
Annette @ with a side of brownies
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My boyfriend and I are on our 4th year of dating and we are only 21 and 22. We’ve talked about marriage and have the full intention to tie the knot down the road. I could marry him tomorrow for all I care, but our lives are in a huge transition period and I think we need to wait a couple of years before things smoothe out. That being said that will take us to your time frame for getting engaged, about 5-5.5 years, but like I said I could get married now. I guess it depends on the relationship!
Jennifer (The Gourmetour)
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Stepahnie @ Mr and Meatless Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:56 pm
P.S. We’ve been married for exactly a month TODAY!!
Stepahnie @ Mr and Meatless
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My husband and I dated for a little over 2 years before he proposed (on the beach in Key West, it was so perfect!). But we were also 27 and 28. I think that few extra years makes a difference. I don’t think I would have necessarily been ready to take that jump at 24…not without feeling a bit nervous about it. But Jim and I also never experienced cold feet or got nervous about any of it. Throughout the whole wedding planning process, we were both just entirely excited to be committing our lives to each other. But I have respect for people who don’t take the decision lightly. I think part of the reason our country has a 50% divorce rate is because people make poor decisions about marriage…either they jump in too quickly or for the wrong reasons (like having a child together). It’s a BIG deal. And you need to be sure you can be in it for the long haul.
Stepahnie @ Mr and Meatless
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We will be celebrating our 7 year dating anniversary in three weeks. We started dating when we were both in high school and 16, (almost 17) and now we will be 24 soon! We have grown so much since when we were 16, but we grew up together and have a very strong relationship. I am definitely ready to get engaged and married, so hopefully it won’t be too much longer now. For now, I will just keep pinning wedding ideas. Hah!
Laurel
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I know we took the non-conventional route, but my other half and I knew we were it. I was only 19. We go together after a couple months of meeting, I practically moved in with him within the month after we got together, and we were handfasted (the traditional European marriage ceremony) within 6 months. It’s been almost 6 years and it’s the best decision I ever made
… the funny thing is, I’m NOT an impulsive person. It took me about an hour to buy a hat this weekend, but when you know… you know!
Chantal
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I think it really depends on how old the two people are, and how much experience they’ve had, as well as just the uniqueness of their relationship. My fiance and I dated 13 months before getting engaged but had spend EVERY single day and night together (with the exception of maybe a few) since the week after we met. We knew that we were ridiculously compatible and never got sick of each other. Also, we were both 29 and had had serious relationships before. When you know, you know! I think it’s good to know each other for at least a year though…they say 6 months is when you really start to show your true colors.
Amy @ ElephantEats
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i just got married in september. prior to being engaged, we were together *unofficially* about 4 years…
erica
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I met my husband in Jan 2009, we were engaged June 2009, and married Feb 2010. We knew instantly and were ready to take that step. Also I was 26 when we got married and he was 34. Both of us had careers and everything in order.
Amanda
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It’s funny to read all these comments because where I’m from, usually people only date for a short period of time (a few months) before getting engaged and married. I live in Utah, so the majority of the people here are Mormon. Because of the church’s standards, most people choose to get married quickly so they don’t break any rules
I think it just depends on the couple! Most of my friends dated their husbands for less than a year and are completely happy.
Meg
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I’ve always thought 2 years was a good amount of time to get to know someone before you get married. But as I get older (I’m 28) I could totally see myself being that person who meets someone and is married 6 months later. I am established in my career and know what I want out of life, and I’d hope that I’d find someone in the same boat as me considering my age (not that I am all that old).
But I don’t think you can put an exact number on how long you should date someone. i think that is one of those things that you know when it is right and you can’t really put a definite number to it.
Mercedes
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I met my husband, who I went to high school with, at a pizza place after a fair when we were 15. I dated his best friend off and on for 3 years and we were good friends, but not “like that”. Although we did our share of flirting.
We also had a 2 year engagement, which my family teased me about…but I had a lot going on and didn’t want to rush the details!
After graduation, our school threw a huge post grad party for the newly graduated seniors and we hung out all night where more harmless flirting continued.
To make a long story short(er)…we started seeing each other 5 months later and dated for just over 4 years before we were engaged
We’re celebrating our 3rd anniversary in January!
lauren
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I was with an ex boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years when we got engaged (I was 21). Unfortunately things did work out, he was 7 years older than me and I think it was much too young – he wanted to have children soon afterwards (scary thought!!!). I’ve been with my boyfriend now for 3 1/2 years and we’ve talked about the future and getting married. Quite alot of my friends have gotten married recently (I’m now almost 26) and although I was a bit reluctant at the thought getting engaged again I most definately would love to now (HINT HINT Mr Watson ;o) ) LOL
Sian
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Sian Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 4:51 pm
I meant *didnt…. D’oh!
Sian
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My husband and I dated for only a year before we were engaged. We were engaged for a year and 7 months before getting married
Now we’ve been married for a little less than 6 months!
i don’t believe the whole 3 years thing, because my husband and i have been together for a total of three years and we have had less than 3 arguments our entire relationship, literally! and all three of those were solved within 3 hours. Some people just know sooner than other i suppose, but it definitely doesn’t hurt to be apprehensive when getting married. It’s a HUGE decision and deserves all the time and thought you could give before making the decision!
LaRae
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When I saw Andrew, I knew that is it. He had my heart immediately. We have been doing for a bit over 4 years and will know each other for 5 in February. He got me a ring, a year after we met as a “claim” ring to keep the boys away…Its like an engagement ring, but not LOL. I want another 3-4 years before we get married so maybe another 2 years for the proposal…we will have been together for 6 years then! I will be 26 soon, and I think 28-29 I would like to be married
Jessica Corbin
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My hubby and I met when we were 19 and freshman in college…however we didn’t start dating until I was almost 23 years old and only dated a year before getting engaged, and then our engagement was a year. A lot of people felt like it was fast, but we had been such good friends for so long, when knew when we started dating it would be forever.
Karinda
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My husband and I got engaged two weeks before our fifth anniversary. I probably felt like I was ready 12-18 months before that but I also needed major orthodontic work and didn’t want to get married until it was all over (no braces in wedding photos, thanks).
During our five years together we lived interstate away from both our families and friends for two years then came home, got a cat and bought a house together so we were pretty well committed.
I know some people have moral or religious objections, but I couldn’t imagine getting married without living together first. I had to learn that my husband isn’t perfect but that I love him FOR that, not despite of it. My husband’s brother and his wife didn’t even kiss before their wedding day though and they’re going strong after five years so, as always, different things work for different people.
AliCat
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We only dated for a year and half before our wedding day (and we were only engaged for 3 months).The military forced us to speed things up if we wanted to be together, but I will forever be grateful for that. I’ll take as many days married to my best friend as I can get!
Sarah
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I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, and prior to meeting him I always said that at the 3 year mark if you’re not engaged, something is wrong. Well, now of course I know that there is a lot more that goes into it, and although I know I’m ready to be engaged like yesterday, other factors like finances, family, work etc play a big role in the process. I do hope I don’t have to wait TOO much longer
Brittany @Little b’s healthy habits
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six months of dating and a one month engagement
maybe a bit quick but it felt right. we’ve been married a year and a half now.
katrina
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I love how open minded everyone is! My boyfriend was my high school crush. Right after he left our small town for college and I began my senior year of high school, we became a couple. I am excited to celebrate 6 years with him this weekend. We have been living together for four years and talk about marriage and that he doesn’t want to talk about when we will get engaged because he wants to be able to surprise me with it. That’s both the sweetest … and smartest thing for him to say haha. As long as I get to spend my life with him, I’m in no rush.
Margaret
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My husband and I just got married exactly 1 month ago. We were engaged for 8 months and dated for 5 and 1/2 years. Our senior high school prom was our very first date!! I am so in love!
Hailey
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My fiancee and I met while filling up our cars at a gas station. We had our first date at an Italian restaurant a few days later where we sat for 4 hours just talking and people watching. I knew after our first date that I was going to marry him. We dated a year before getting engaged, and we are getting married in 12 DAYS!
November 20th is our 21 month-iversary. Even though we have known each other less than 2 years, it feels like it’s been a lifetime. (As cheesy as it sounds) when you’ve found the right person, you just know they’re it.
Danielle
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My husband and I dated for nearly 9 years before getting married. We started dating when he was 19 and I was 20 when we met…we went through long distance, his law school, my masters and 6th year degree, fights, make-ups, deaths, and a ton before we got married, and we’re still learning!
I think it definitely depends on the couple!
Gina B
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My husband and I were dating for 3 weeks before getting engaged and married in less than a year, BUT we had met at work 12 years earlier. We knew there was a connection there, but never really got it right. He was already involved with someone and I ‘m not the sort of person to cheat or encourage it, then I transferred with work, met someone and we sort of lost touch for a couple of years and then one day we bumped into each other (literally) at the races, got talking, discovered that we were both single and that was that
happily Ever After
jane
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I met my husband January of 2010. Our first date was end of march. Didn’t date too seriously. I was the queen of flings. Hated commitment. Then in the end of July we got serious. He proposed in October. Married end of December 2010. I can honestly say he is the love of my life. I fall in love w him every single day! I’ve never been happier in my entire life! It’s almost been a year. The newly we’d phase never has to end. That is our motto. Sorry I tried to keep that short!!
Sara u
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my boyfriend and i have been together for 3.5 years! We first got together when he was 15 and I was 18! (Yes I was that scandalous senior robbing the freshmans cradle!) But we’re still together, he is now a freshman in college and I have a full time job. We hope to be engaged in the next 2 years, If we could afford to live together (we both still live with our parents) i’m sure we would, and if we could afford it i’m sure we’d be engaged already. I know we belong together forever
chelsea
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my hubby or i aren’t impulsive people. neither of us had been married previously. but we were engaged within 4.5 months of dating and married about 6.5 months later! by that time we were 35 and 32. i guess by then you’ve been thru a lot, finished education, started a career, dated plenty. . . and we just knew. there were never any reservations, and there still aren’t
he’s shown himself consistent and true as the day i met him. and we’ve had to weather A LOT of major storms with regard to family illness and such.
i really think it depends on the people. but i do think it’s wise to go thru several life “seasons” with someone to see what they’re made of, how they react, etc. unfortunately, i know of a lot people and friends who really didn’t know who they were marrying, and it’s led to a lot of heartache.
heatherb
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My boyfriend and I met in college and have been together 7 years – and we are very close to an engagement! I think it all depends on the couple, but generally I would say the longer the better, just so you know each other as well as you can. And the more you go through together, especially the tough times, the better you can tell how your partner will support you when you need it and vice versa. But my parents met and got married within 2 months and they’ve been together for 32 years! So I don’t think there’s really a right or wrong way to do things! It’s so personal.
Tee @ She Writes, Bites, and Window Shops
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Hi Julie, this is my first comment – i live in Australia and just recently came across your blog & now i’m addicted! Hahaha. I feel like i’ve found my twin when reading your posts and in regards to your love of a healthy lifestyle but incurable sweet tooth
Im single currently but my old pastor used to always say that a year was a good length to date as you can experience life together through all the seasons which i think is a good little piece of wisdom. However i think when you know, you know
Thanks for writing such a great blog!!
amber
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4 1/2 years! Long time
Lori Kay
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I think your age definitely tends to play a factor…at least it did for me! We also met freshman year of college, after only being there for a couple of months. So even after a year or so when we realized we wanted to be together forever we didn’t feel like we were emotionally mature enough for “marriage.” Since we were still in school, our parents were helping us quite a bit and it just didn’t feel like the way I wanted to start off our married life. We got engaged on my 21 birthday, so we had been dating for about three years and then got married about a year and a half after that, which was a year after we graduated college.
So even though we had been dating 4.5 years when we got married we were only 22, which is pretty dang young, but it felt like perfect timing and we’ve been married a year and a half now and I love married life
i kind of wish we hadn’t waited quite so long actually!
Ashley S.
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I have only been dating my boyfriend for 2 months. He just told me this weekend he wants to marry me someday. he didn’t propose or anything. I could see us getting engaged before we’ve even been dating a year though.
My sisters were just saying this summer I would be the person to get married in Vegas or something spontaneous.
I think it also makes a difference that I am 27 and my boyfriend is 33. We are also both well established in our careers.
Erin
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We were together for two years before getting engaged. I’ve been in longer relationships where I wasn’t comfortable with talking about marriage but with him I kind of always knew where it was heading. When he did propose, it completely took me by surprise but I knew I had gotten to a point where no matter when he decided to ask I was going to say yes.
Jessica @ Sushi and Sit-Ups
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My parents met in December at a Christmas party my aunt was hosting and were married in the next July…so met, dated, and engaged in 7 months! They’re still going strong after 37 years!!
My hubby and I knew each other in high school (we’re 2 years apart in school years) but never dated. After not talking or seeing each other for 5 years or so we reconnected and began dating. 9 months later he proposed on a beach in Greece! Our engagement was rather long though, and pushed us over the 2 years together mark once we finally said our vows. I got married a bit younger than I had anticipated (at 23) but knew that he was the guy for me and was ready to start my life with him before he asked! It sounds rushed to a lot of people, but since we were friends in high school it took out some of that “getting to know you, what’s your background, what kind of person are you?” learning curve.
CB in Texas
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Paige Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 8:19 pm
We have a really similar story! I was friends with my soon-to-be-fiance in high school and we started dating 5 years later. We plan to get married next fall, so that will be 2 years from our first date. We’ll also be getting married at 23
Paige
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CB in Texas Reply:
November 9th, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Thanks for sharing! So often we get some taco-neck action (think about how you eat a taco…tilted head) and a confused look from people who don’t understand how we never dated in high school but reconnected and ended up married. I definitely had a crush on my hubby in high school, and there was some mutual flirtation action but nothing more than friends back then! It was so funny when I told my old friends that I was dating him. Always the same reaction: a pause, “huh” and encouragment because they knew we were a good match because of our personalities.
Good luck as you plan your wedding, it’s stressful but so worth it and fun!
CB in Texas
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I think one year would be my minimum before getting engaged. I don’t think you can honesty know a person and have gone through enough to be ready to get married before that.
Liz @ Tip Top Shape
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My husband and I knew each other from introduction to wedding for 7 months. And we’ll be married 10 years next May. Funny thing is, I knew who he was before he even knew I existed. I told my BFF that I was going to marry him, and I did
Joely
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My husband and I met when I started college, but he is 5 years older than me (he was going on and off, finally finished after 10 years! and I finished after 6!) and we were friends for A LONG TIME (7 years) before we started dating. I knew there was something special about him when I first met him, but we stayed friends instead, and we were both dating other people. Once we started dating, we were engaged within a year and a few months and married less than a year later. We just knew we wanted and were supposed to be together! Once you know, you know! It’s good to know each other’s history and personality thoroughly! Now we’re living and teaching overseas and I’m pregnant with our first baby!
Patti Stanger on Millionaire Matchmaker says you should know within a year if you want to get married, lol! 
Anne
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My husband and I dated for 11 months before getting engaged but 3 months after we met we talked about getting married. I think you gotta do what you are comfortable with!
Linda
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Kyle and I dated 6 months, married 9 months after that, currently married 2 years 2 months. It felt fast, but right and at 24 I felt young too.
Carissa @Fit2Flex
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I’m getting engaged this winter & I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 10 months
We plan to get married just under 2 years after our first date; however, we’ve been friends for 8+ years, so we know each other better than some couples might after dating for less than a year, ya know? I’ve dated quite a few guys & never been in love until this fellow!
Paige
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My fiance and I moved in together after a year and a half, we bought a house together which was a huge commitment in my mind. We got engaged 3 months before our 3rd ”anniversary” together and we are getting married this summer on exactly the day of our 4th year together
Cher
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Engaged after 9 years, married after 11 years from our first date. We were 19 when we met so we still had a lot of growing to do and wanted to finish undergraduate AND graduate school before we settled down. Of course I started to get impatient but I think it was right for us. If I could go back, I would do it the same way all over again. We finally got married two months ago!
Rachel
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My fiance and I dated for 6.5 years before he proposed. From the very second that I first met him I knew he was the one. Within minutes we were best friends and there hasn’t been a day since that our relationship has done anything but grow. I’m as cliche as they come, I know but it’s true! We’re in our 4th year of college (undergrads) and have been engaged for 5 months. My finance is everything I could ever dream of and so much more!
Kaitlyn
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 3 years now, juniors in college. I know we’re still young and have our lives ahead of us after school, but I can’t help and think about our future together. Married, two dogs, eating dinner together, watching TV. Sounds pretty ordinary, but our whole relationship has been long-distance. With busy schedules and no car on my end, it’s lucky we are able to see each other each month. He’s truly my best friend, and I don’t take for granted the time we have with each other so every seemingly mundane thing (eating together, watching Hulu together, running together) is so special to me. The idea of being able to see him every day…can’t even imagine.
The problem is I don’t think any sort of engagement will happen anytime soon. Our life plans are completely different and based in completely different cities. He wants to go to med school more than 8 hours away and eventually wants to do Doctors Without Borders overseas. The thought literally breaks my heart. But I’m willing to wait 15 years if it means I could still have him in my life. So I’ll guess we will see!
Trina
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I actually met and was close with my husband’s family before I ever met him. He lived in another state with the military, and his mother just “happened” to introduce us when he was visiting once. She had it right, because we just fit so well together. The transition was easy for us, and I’ve never doubted anything since the first date.
We were a bit older and established in our careers. Being established and on your own, and also having dated A LOT of wrong people made it so easy for me to know. We were together 4 months before he deployed for the first time for 6 months- made it through that- and were engaged just before our 1 year anniversary of dating. We married a week later in a wedding by ourselves, but had a formal wedding 6 months later. We may have moved quickly, but in that short amount of time we endured a lot as a couple and got to see each other in many stressful and unpleasant situations. I’ve never looked back:) Many people thought we were crazy, but I’ve also known people who dated for 7 yrs before marriage and then were divorced in less than 6 months. I think it is all about when you know, you know and don’t do it if you are having serious doubts.
Leslee
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My boyfriend and I started as a long distance relationship. We met accidentally. He’s from TX, I’m originally from MD but after graduating in May I spontaneously moved to FL (no job, knew no one, just free spirit). His best friend moved in across the street and Bryan came to help. I knew his best friend before that. As soon as I met Bryan and saw those crystal blue eyes I knew there was something different about him and I haven’t stopped smiling since. We started as best friends, neither of us were looking for anything but in each other we found this indescribable comfort and bond. We told each other things even our lifelong friends and family didn’t know. We fell in love and after spontaneously taking a 700 mile roadtrip to TX to visit him we officially began dating. Now we live together with our 2 year old mutt, Lily in Austin, TX and still laugh and love like little kids. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had, my biggest confidant, my greatest supporter, my partner in every walk of life from scaling the tallest mountain in TX together to making a home out of an old, once shabby 579 square foot apartment. Yesterday we designed my engagement ring and while we’re not officially engaged yet, we’ll be getting married October 13, 2012. Life works in mysterious ways and the best things in life often aren’t planned.
Regina
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My husband and I dated for about 3 1/2 years before we got engaged. I had begun to get a little impatient, since we had both known for quite awhile that we wanted to be together. He proposed in an amazing way, and we had a 9 month engagement. When we got married I was 23 (very mature for my age, though) and he was 26.
Looking back, yes, we could have gotten married sooner, but it was so wonderful how by that time we knew each other so so well. Even though we didn’t live together before getting married, we knew that we worked so well together. Very similar personalities.
We will be married for 3 years in April, and will also be welcoming our first baby then!! We are so excited for our little one, and are just enjoying life so much together!
Lauren
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Our one year anniversary is this month! Alex and I met in Fort Myers, Florida and dated a few months before I pretty much moved in with him. 7 months after we started dating we picked a city on the map and moved to Nashville and I couldn’t be happier! There is nothing I would change about our relationship or where we decided to live. We know we were made for each other (plus he loves my shih tzu Charlee). I adore their relationship too
engagement is something we talk about and have decided to give it a few years until we get our careers on the right path.
Ashley
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I recently got out of a relationship with my boyfriend of a year. I’m only in my second year of university, but I really did think that this guy was the one. Unfortunately, he didn’t feel the same. It’s been about two months since we broke up and it’s still just as hard as the day it happened. Everyone around me says that I’m just upset because he was my first love, and that it will take me about half the time our relationship lasted to get over it, but I want to start enjoying things like university life and my amazing friends wholeheartedly again. I want to start having hope that I will find someone, who might be a better fit for me than this guy was. Your story gives me some hope because you had a long term boyfriend when you met Ryan. I guess it just goes to show that not every guy you date, no matter how much you care about him, is YOUR one. Sorry for the blah-ness amongst all the amazing stories of people falling in love and getting married (which I probably shouldn’t be reading at a time like this
).
Emily
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Currently dating, we’ve been together for almost 3 years and I’m definitely ready! I’m not sure there’s a magic number, I think as long as the couple is mature and truly in love I think it’s okay. However, I do think it takes some time, maybe a year at least, to get to know most things about your significant other.
Mac
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My husband and I met at the end of my 8th grade year (he is a year older). This was junior high of course, my cousin met his friend at a local fair. After talking with his friend for a few weeks he said he had a friend he wanted me to meet, my future hubby apparently. I do still remember bits of that first phone conversation. So we agreed to meet, waited a year before we became an official couple, dated for 6 months, broke up, couldn’t be friends, re-connected after high school, dated for a year, engaged for18 months and married for 11 years now.
I do believe that we were meant to meet at some point in our lives. Our famliy and circle of friends overlapped many times and we never knew it. There was a moment a few years ago that it hit me, if we had not met when we did we would have met at that exact moment. Which leads me to really believe we were meant to meet.
Danielle
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My husband and I met on a Saturday, the following Sunday I moved into his house and then 2 weeks after that we were engaged. (Mind you we were online friends for 4 years). We had 18 months before the wedding and now we’ve been married for almost 3 years. Life is sweet. x
Kirstie @ Musings of a Happy Life
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What a loaded question! There are so many different views about this topic… and the views vary so much. I think the decision kind of comes from religious beliefs, personal expectations and compromises. Not saying certain religions say “Oh you’ve been dating for a year. Time to get married!” But I do think beliefs affect when a person wants to get married. I mean the sex before marriage issue, the living together issue. Everyone has a different opinion. And even though I believe one thing, I think people should base it on what they know and where they came from.
Me: I really don’t want to live with my boyfriend of two years before marriage, even though we have discussed being the one for each other way back when we first started dating as seniors in college. My reasons stemmed from my religious beliefs and the relationship of my parents, who have been married almost 27 years.
But his personal expectation was to wait till a certain age, live together for a while (it worked for his sister, why not us?) and then get married.
Between the two of us… we are compromising
In the end, I know what I think is right, but we have to make compromises with each other. We are living separately, but may have to live together a while while engaged… (We have discussed that my lease may run out too early… But no, we aren’t engaged.)
I, personally, figured that if we were going to build a life with each other after college, why not make the commitment to REALLY build a life together? Oh well. I can compromise
(Did I write a long enough book? Geez this is a long comment!)
Leigh
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We dated 8 months, were engaged for 3 months, and now we’ve been married for 2 years. I couldn’t even drink alcohol at my wedding, since I was barely 20.
When we were dating he was diagnosed with cancer… That sped things up for us.
No regrets though. I am still so completely in love and can’t wait for the next 5, 10, 50 years…!
Ty
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My fiance and I started dating in high school and by the time we got engaged (this past June) we had been together for about 4.5 years. When we get married this coming summer we’ll have been together for 5.5 years!
Like you said, I think the amount of time before an engagement/marriage completely depends on the couple. When you know it’s right, why wait I guess! : )
Danica @ It’s Progression Not Perfection
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My fiancé and I were together about 2 and half years before getting engaged and we’ve been engaged a year NOW on nov 20th and won’t be getting married until aug 2012…so by the time we’re actually married we’ll have been together 4 years!!!
Karen
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My fiance and I were together for almost 3 years before he proposed this July 4th. I would have gladly gotten engaged after 1 year though:) I think any sooner than that is just too quick unless they have a long engagement.
Kristin S
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Valerie Reply:
December 30th, 2011 at 5:20 pm
I got married 11/19, too!!! Congrats!!!!
Valerie
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I started dating my fiance when I was a sophomore in high school, and we got engaged 7 years later in the same spot where we met. We have had a nearly two year engagement since then, and now we are getting married in 10 days (11/19)! I feel like we’ve been through just about everything together; a year of long distance when he left for college a year before me, four years of college, two amazing fur babies, a huge move across the country for his job, and now in just over a week we will finally be husband and wife! This wedding has been a decade in the making, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way! I’m so excited!
Kristen
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I love this thread. I think it’s so important to have life experiences together so you can see how well you react to the punches. I think we do pretty okay, and we have always got each others’ back. So far we have gotten through:
– Living thousands of miles apart and a 7 hour time difference for over a year
- A stressful visa application
- Living together – bills, working, cooking, bills, living together stuff, bills!
- Talking about everything with him.
We believe firmly in COMMUNICATION – he’s not psychic and I’m not a mind-reader either, so we have to TALK. I believe the year apart really made us connect on a whole other level, but it was hard.
And, last but by no means least, my wonderful, amazing, fantastic mother passing away this summer. I don’t know what I will do without her, but I’m taking it one day at a time and knowing he’s got my back just makes it a little bit brighter.
I do love him xxx
Becki
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We were together 4 years before getting engaged. I actually would have liked it to be sooner, but my hubby is SLOW with that stuff. I’m the same way you are about the dog though, we wouldn’t have one if it had been up to me because I was so worried about it. My husband had to take the reigns on that decision!
Brittney
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Ryan (my fiance) and I were together for 2 years before we got engaged, but knew each other for 3. I knew I wanted to be with someone for around 2 years before we got engaged, but some people still think that’s a short time!
Brittney @ Brittney Breathing
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and a half and moved in together about 2 months ago. We have talked about marriage and where we are heading but both feel that we should take our time and be more settled in our careers. He is just starting his own business and I just graduated from law school and am looking for an attorney position (not fun in this economy). We both think it is more responsible to make sure that your life is settled before you commit to a huge event though we both know that we want to be with each other forever.
My question is, how long do you think someone should be engaged for???
Laura
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years, living together for the past year. We both know that we are going to get married. I am ready and he is really good at throwing me off so I honestly have no idea when we will get engaged..it doesn’t help that I work in the wedding industry and basically have my whole wedding already planned.
Megan
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I’ve been dating my guy for 6 years and am just now even thinking about marriage. I’ve never been all that interested in getting married (child of divorce, way too independent) but now I’m 29 and I love him more than ever. We’ve always been post-college relationship-wise and have raised a dog together and lived together for the past 2.5 years. I see myself with him for the long haul so who knows?
Christina Marie
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My husband and I both work in law enforcement for the same department. We worked out of the same station for over a year but never spoke. One of our mutual friends introduced us, though we were both very firm that neither of us wanted to be in a relationship. We started talked on the phone daily and waited an entire month before going out on our first date. We hit it off instantly, and were engaged 3 months later, married 9 months after than, and became pregnant with our first child 4 months after getting married. Now, we are in our early 30′s with two beautiful children and have been married for a little over 7 years. I never pictured that is how it would happen, but I wouldn’t change a thing!
Nicole G
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my now husband of 4 years , proposed to me after 8 months of dating. He is 5 years older than me, and when i first met him i couldnt believe that he actually called when he said he would, wanted to meet my parents and friends, and was completely no sense.
i had no idea that he bought my engagement ring 5 months after we met, and that he had decided in his heart to ask me to marry him – i assumed that since i was 25 at the time, i’d have to wait and see where things went. I didnt wait very long because 3 months later he asked my parents permission and then asked me .
when i tell people that we got engaged 8 months after meeting, they will either look at me like im a freak, or tell me a similar type of story. We’ve now been married for almost 5 years, spent our first years together travelling, building our savings, fixing our home and now look forward to starting a family.
I do not regret that we got engaged so soon, i fully embrace it now, knowing that we spent our first crucial years together learning how to communicate, grow and live together as a couple.
tania
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One of the sweetest things my new boyfriend said to me recently was, “It may take me a year, it may take me five years, but I will ask you to marry me one day.”
And even though we’ve only been together 3ish months and things could change tomorrow, it’s a pretty exciting way to feel.
Mary Catherine
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Just catching up on some posts….oddly enough I got engaged last night! I am beyond excited and didn’t expect it at all! We have been together for just over a year and I had recently realized that it may be awhile before we got engaged and I was okay with that, and then boom, it happened. Isn’t that the way it always is – when you least expect it!
Lauren @ Vaguely Vegan
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I just got married this year. My husband and I met in late 2006, but didn’t begin dating until March 2008. Two years to the day after our first date, he proposed while we were in Florida for baseball spring training. And we married three weeks before our our dating/engagement anniversary in 2011. So juuuust under three years for us.
I actually thought my husband was moving pretty fast–my college boyfriend and I stayed together for six years without getting engaged or married, so I was not expecting a mere two years to engagement with my husband.
As others have said, it depends on the personalities. But it also depends on age. My 20s were spent with my college boyfriend, and I learned SO much about what a relationship should and should not look like, that it was easy for me to see that my husband and I were a really good bet to go the distance.
Dukebdc
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Such a fun post! I am loving reading all of the comments… too. All I know is that Ryan and I have been dating for almost 3 years now, and I am definitely ready for whatever is to come. Pretty sure Ryan is too, as he’s dropped some hints that things are in the works. This was a few months ago, though… so who knows what he has up his sleeve!
Allison @ Happy Tales
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Just catching up on your blog and I’m loving reading all these comments! I met my husband when I was 16 & we became friends with my family. He went to college in our town and he and his friend ate lunch with my family every Sunday after church for years! Then we started dating when I was 18, engaged when I was 20, and married when I was 21 and he was 23. We were (and still are) babies. haha We’ve been married for 2 and a half years. We got married freakishly young, but we’re so happy! Also, we couldn’t live together for religious reasons so that definitely affected how long we wanted to date. Happy to say, I LOVE being married and enjoy it much more than i ever enjoyed dating or being engaged. Probably because it’s so much fun to live together, even though his workout clothes smell SO bad after he plays basketball with his friends
Emily
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I just got engaged after five years with my boyfriend (two of them cohabiting). All told, we started dating at 19 and 22 and will get married at 25 and 28.
More than anything else, moving in together and adopting our beloved dog definitely made me feel ready to tie the knot. Any other differences aside, spending my life and sharing my home with him just feels so natural and good… and I can’t wait to see him as a dad one day!
Have you heard of keeping a “checklist” for your perfect guy? I never actually did when I was single and looking, but after a few years with my honey, I realized that he met pretty much every single criterion I could think of.
Getting married is a big leap of faith these days, but I feel lucky to be jumping in headfirst with someone who really gets me. <3
Mae
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It was fast for us. We met, were apart for 6 months, one in one country and another in one , then he came back, we got engaged and married. And all this happened in a year. We have been married for a 6 years now.
Efka
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I am so happy that this was one of your top posts of 2011 because I am new to PBF and have very strong feelings on the topic. I was engaged to my husband after 8 months of dating, and married seven months thereafter. We got a lot of flack from people who didn’t know us as a couple, but our engagement made total sense to us and those who knew us well. We knew each other was the one after the first date. We were just beginning to get settled into our careers and shared the same dreams and values. Biding time didn’t make sense to us. In between our engagement and wedding, we bought a house. It was a very stressful time and not without fights. Yet, with the tremendous amounts of respect and trust we have for each other we were able to overcome the times when we didn’t quite see eye to eye. Not every relationship is the same. I understand, but for us the timing was right. Thanks for the soapbox and Happy New Year!!!
Valerie
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