Hollow

Ever since I read about the tragedy that occurred at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut on Friday, I feel like I’ve been walking around feeling hollow. I’ve been consumed with an empty feeling.

Whenever I struggle with emotions that I cannot handle, I typically turn to writing. I’ll write blog posts that will never be published just so I can get the words out and work through my feelings. These unpublished blog posts are often a stream of consciousness overflowing with words. Because my emotions are so strong, the words effortlessly flow as I work through things and try to make sense of what my heart is feeling.

When I sat down to write about Sandy Hook Elementary School, I felt so much.

My core felt like a jumble of emotions and words. I had so much going on inside of me… but I couldn’t seem to get my fingers to begin typing.

Not one word.

How could I capture the feelings I felt when I leaned that an elementary school was the target of a shooting? One that left 26 innocent people dead?

How could I adequately express the pain and sorrow I felt for the family members of the victims?

How could I put into words the agony that I know the parents of the little boys and girls who were killed will feel when they open a closet to see presents that will go unopened this holiday season?

And then I realized I couldn’t.

I can’t.

All I can do is offer my prayers. My deepest prayers. My sympathy.

I know we will all move on with our lives and forever remember the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School. Many of us – myself included – took time this weekend to enjoy time with loved ones and cherish the little moments. I wanted to resume blogging in a normal fashion yesterday… and today… but I couldn’t. There is so much left unsaid. Even as I move to push “publish” on this post, there is so much left unsaid.

To the victims who lost their lives at Sandy Hook Elementary school and their family and friends: You have my tears, my heart and my prayers.

Comments

  1. says

    This post couldnt have been said any better. Friday morning after I heard the news I just sat at my desk and cried. It is a completely empty, helpless feeling. I just want to hug all the families who lost a loved one but I know they feel the out poor of emotion from a whole nation struck by such a tragic, horrific act. Those little children and adults will forever be in our hearts.

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  2. says

    Beautiful post, Julie. I spent the weekend being present with my son as much as possible. This really hit everyone hard and I still find myself choking back tears for people I didn’t even know just because I can understand a fraction of the pain they’re feeling – the excitement you feel buying presents you know your kids will love. The magic of setting up the Christmas tree and looking at the ornaments you picked out together each year as a family.

    I’m praying along with you.

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  3. says

    Thanks for acknowledging this tremendous tragedy publicly. You wrote that extremely well. I have been feeling the same way. There are no words to describe it.

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  4. Michelle says

    Hi Julie, I read your blog daily (it’s become a part of my morning ritual) and I love that you again took the time to address this. You summed up how I’ve been feeling amazingly well, in a way I never could manage to do. Thank you for your blog and your beautiful heart and soul.

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  5. says

    Well-written Julie. I just remember walking on the treadmill at my gym and seeing the coverage on the news. My heart literally broke. I came home and turned my TV on CNN, and I felt the tears well up inside of me. Such a senseless tragedy. I was sad, angry, confused, and so many other emotions all rolled up into one. All any of us can do is pray and appreciate the lives we live and the people in them. We never know when, or how we’ll be called.

    Blessings to you and yours.

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  6. Sally says

    That was very well said. I think everyone feels at a loss for words regarding this tragedy. My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected by this senseless act.

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  7. says

    That was absolutely beautifully said. I have felt very empty since this tragedy struck. I simply look at my two girls and just don’t even know how these parents are supposed to go on. My heart truly feels pain for all the families. Thank you for putting your feelings to words.

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  8. says

    i found out friday in the teacher’s lounge and felt hallow the entire afternoon as i taught my students. this morning i couldn’t help but think of those first grade students every time i heard my fourth graders tell me stories, answer a question, or simply have a conversation with a classmate. as a first year teacher i kept wondering how i would have reacted in that situation. i felt numb as i read over our schools’ “red folder” policy as i prayed in hopes that i will never have to use any of that information. thank you for taking the time to express yourself through your blog.

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  9. Lauren Barnard says

    Beautiful post, Julie. I teach first grade in Texas and so many times I caught myself just watching their sweet faces and had to choke back tears many times, I have 22 6 and 7 year olds, can’t imagine someone wanting to do such harm to such young babes. Such beautiful innocence taken and I still can’t wrap my head around it.

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  10. says

    I too thought of the unopened presents, and what those families might do with them. Leave them? Let another child open them? Never open them? It’s unbearably sad. Thanks for posting your true feelings about this. I know it isn’t fun to feel this way, bearing the sadness for these victims. But your post is much appreciated.

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  11. Melissa says

    This is why your blog is one of the best. You are truly yourself, its not just a business.. & that shows. thanks for this. i feel the same way :’( its weird going on with normal life.

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  12. Michele R. says

    I’ve never commented on your blog but I read it sometimes and I wanted to thank you for posting this. I’ve been a bit bothered and thrown off by how many food/health blogs have just gone on with their usual business without mentioning this tragedy. To me, this tragedy is so incredibly heartbreaking I can’t imagine not acknowledging it if I ran a popular blog. I appreciate your post and share your heartache.

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  13. says

    Beautifully stated! As a mother of two, one of them a sweet little first grader I can’t help but feel lost and confused about this senseless tragedy. My heart hurts for these families, deep down! But I can’t help but wonder what can “we” do to help, if at all? A card or something. When someone is grieving its hard to know what to do to help, if anything. But is there something we can do to show our love and support to these families? They are not alone and they will not be forgotten even if our days go on…

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  14. says

    This was very touching Julie. It was a horrible thing that happened and a horrible time of year for it to occur. My heart goes out to all of those suffering and all of those who can not see the smiles on their little one’s faces this Christmas and all of the Christmases to come.

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  15. Jen says

    Hi Julie, I have been thinking about you since i read your post since yesterday. I read in one of many facebooks posts that people at engaging in #20#26 random acts of kindness in memory of all the little ones and the brave adults who are now in heaven. This is one way for us all to show kindness and love for the ones who aren’t able to.
    Hugs to you!!!

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  16. says

    I feel like what you have said here explains why it was really hard for me to write more than a paragraph or two on my blog about Newtown. I had no idea what to say but that does not mean that we don’t have any feelings. In fact it can mean we have too much. Thank you for sharing this post with us!

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