Today’s lunch came about as a total mistake.
I intended to make black bean burgers by following this recipe.
I wrote down all of the ingredients and figured I would just blend everything together in the food processor, like I did with my salmon burgers.
Wrong. Apparently I wasn’t supposed to put the black beans in the food processor. Oops.
I ended up with a bunch of gooey burger batter… nothing firm enough to shape into burgers. Since I hate wasting food, I poured the burger batter into a loaf pan and baked it for 50 minutes instead.
The end result was actually pretty tasty.
I present to you, black bean loaf!
Served with leftover steamed broccoli and fresh strawberries this near-miss lunch was actually quite a hit!
Now let’s discuss compliments…
Changing Compliments
Isn’t it funny how a certain compliment can make your heart swoon?
- I love the way you did your hair!
- Great job on that essay!
- What a pretty dress!
- You kicked some serious tookus in that soccer game!
- Awesome presentation today!
Anytime someone takes time to pay me a sincere compliment, it always makes me smile and makes my day a little brighter.
Over the past few months, since I’ve really poured my heart into blogging, I’ve found that while I naturally appreciate every kind comment, certain compliments from readers – ones I may not have previously valued as much – are now meaning more to me than ever before.
Compliments about my writing. My creativity.
As a teenager, I received praise from my parents when I’d get good grades and felt proud when a teacher would write encouraging words on a paper I wrote or a test I took. But, admittedly, the comments that meant the most to my teenage self were the ones that came from my peers about my appearance.
If I heard a certain boy thought I was cute, that meant way more to me than a teacher telling me I should submit a paper into a local writing competition.
I’m not sure when I began to appreciate and value compliments about my personality, intelligence and talents more than kind words about my clothes or my hair.
As a teen, the opinions of your friends and classmates mean so much and in my experience, it seems like teenagers typically don’t compliment each other on class projects or a peer’s warm heart or innate ambition. It’s all about your looks at that age.
Thankfully, it seems like as time goes on and teenagers become adults, skills, talent and effort are more widely recognized. As an adult, I find myself constantly impressed with the talents of others and less focused on their appearance. As my friends become doctors, lawyers and teachers, I am so proud of them not because they looked cute getting their degrees, but because of the hard work and time they poured into accomplishing such a monumental goal.
I’m impressed by the friend who volunteers regularly at her local church. The friend who spends time with her ailing great grandmother because she cares. The coworker who is constantly going out of his way to teach new employees special tricks of the trade to make their job less stressful.
These are the people I idolize now. These are the people I hope to emulate to become a better person myself.
Questions of the Afternoon
- What type of compliments mean the most to you now? Is this different from when you were younger?
- What is the most meaningful compliment you’ve ever received?
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I love when I get compliments about my character, morals and values. Basicallly, who I am as a person…that’s what matters to me in life!
Okay, no joke – I tried this exact same burger recipe last week & the same thing happened to me! I accidently blended the back beans too much & it turned into a runny mess. I ended up baking the runny mixture and you’re right- it was actually pretty tasty!
really!?!?! oh i’m so glad i’m not alone!
I’ve totally done the same thing, too! Black bean loaf – like meatloaf, but vegetarian….right? Hah, that’s what I told the folks I made it for, at least. 🙂
Getting compliments about my writing still gives me butterflies in my tummy 🙂 It’s nice to hear it from people OTHER than your parents, haha!
I think any time I’m complimented professionally it means so much to me. I agree with you that as we get older, we value things like intelligence or talents we have that are recognized as opposed to looks/appearance. Of course it’s always nice to hear that people think you look nice, but I guess, beauty is only skin deep, you know? It’s nice to know that you have things people will value for the rest of your life – even when you’re wrinkly and old!! 🙂
Loved this post – it really made me think!
Hi Julie! What an interesting question to ponder. I think that I’ve always appreciated comments about my intelligence. But perhaps this is because I was never really focused on my looks. I also think compliments on appearance from men don’t do as much when u’re in a long-term relationship, if that makes any sense.
I think overall, I most enjoy compliments about the things I most like about myself: my thoughtfullness, cooking abilities, kindness, etc. The things that you most value about yourself can certainly change over time, which is why the compliments you like best change as well.
AAAAMEN sister! I totally know what you mean about compliments received earlier in life regarding appearance meaning so much more at the time than they do now. I’ve definitely shifted my thinking as I’ve become older, and the physical ones don’t weigh nearly as heavily as the ones related to character, personality, and other inner traits.
Although this may sound really pathetic, ever since I’ve been in college I’ve gotten so many compliments from guys that it’s actually flattering and refreshing. I was literally the perfect student in high school and felt that only the work I did and my athletic ability was recognized. So it’s definitely weird for me to receive this different kind of attention now. However, I really do love when others praise my writing or personality traits.
My favorite compliments are the ones when others see things in my personality that make them feel good – like the time I was told that I “had the sweetest heart of anyone they know” or that I “lit up a room when I walked into it”…those are the ones that mean way more than “hey sexy” or “nice eyes”
Great post Julie!
I think you are bang-on, but I do remember getting a compliment from one of my friends in Grade 12, she said she loved that I was always positive and genuinely happy, and it made her happy (um, but not positive and happy like Ryan from the Bachelorette ;)). That really stuck with me.
I have also ALWAYS really enjoyed hearing that I was funny, and creative. Maybe more so now, but those two compliments have definitely always meant something to me. Hearing that I’m a good writer has definitely made my heart swoon lately.
But yeah, in high school compliments about my school work…well who cares 😉
I love ALL compliments. But I think ones that have to do with talent stay with me longer than ones to do with appearance, mainly because my opinion on my appearance changes from day to day.
Just recently on my blog, I’ve gotten 3 or 4 comments that I’m inspiring someone else as a runner. I’m not even trying to be inspiring – but the fact that I am to someone else is probably the best compliment I’ve gotten in recent memory.
Like, I kept the email notification to look back on it because it was the most amazing thing to hear. I inspired someone! It’s usually the other way around.
I love compliments on my speaking ability (presenations, etc) and my intelligence.
One compliment that sticks in my head is when I was going on a hike and walked past a couple who didn’t know I could hear them and the woman said, “now I want me legs to look like hers!” It was just a feel good thing.
i would appreciate that, too! 🙂
You should feel great about everything in this blog, Julie! Not only are you creative, cutting-edge with blogger technology, but you are down to earth as well. I have always thought this about your blog…which is one of the reasons I began reading it…and I can hands down say that if I only had discovered YOUR blog alone, I would still have started my own, that’s how much I felt inclined to join the “blogger” world because of your page!
The best compliment I have ever received, besides compliments about my hair (which are great, too) would be about my dedication to volunteering and choosing a career path in helping terminally ill children. I love hearing that what I do has meaning, because it reminds me that people still do care for others, and that is great 🙂
You make some really great points! These days, it means so much to me when someone comments on the way I take care of my family or my intuitive way of reading people – it makes me feel like they get *me*. I think the best compliment a boss ever gave me was when my restaurant manager hired my sister without question because he trusted anyone related to me!
I still give alot of physical compliments (bc ppl love to be told they look good too) but I must make a note to give more meaningful compliments too.
I love hearing how confident I am. I was always the shy one with no confidence growing up, but somewhere between puberty and being 28 years old, I grew some ballz, and started loving myself for who I am. 🙂
(BTW, not cocky, but confident). 🙂
You are so right here, it is true that our values and priorities really do change as we get older. I think it is harder to give people compliments sometimes on the non-materialistic elements of our lives as we are unsure how they will react; but still it is those compliments that are few and far between that mean the most.
My favorite type of compliment is when I get complimented on something that I do at my job. I work really hard at what I do and it’s nice sometimes to get recongizned for that. 🙂
You bring up a great point here! I read an article (I think in the Huffington Post) about how we, as a society, talk to little girls. The first thing many people say is “You’re so pretty!” or “That dress is cute!”, focusing on the purely aesthetic. The author of the article, on the other hand, said that the first thing she’ll ask is “What book are you reading/what is your favorite book?” and then engage them in a conversation about whichever book/characters they like.
The article just made me think about how we talk to little girls–I know I’m guilty of the “you look so cute/ pretty/i love your dress” compliments, I just honestly never thought about how, down the road, that might lead girls believing that they have to be pretty/have the latest fashion trends to have worth. I haven’t had the chance to put this into action yet, but I think I’m going to try to be a little more mindful of the compliments I pay!! Even in the comments here it does seem like more people value compliments based on intellect or personality over the physical any day. Thanks for this post!!
I love receiving compliments at work – that I am doing a great job teaching! It makes me feel purposeful – especially when it comes from a veteran teacher or an administrator.
I often get so caught up in my life and what I need to get done, that even when people compliment me, it tends to go right over my head and/or I have trouble accepting it. I’m learning that the older I get, (I’m only 23, so I have a ways to go : ) the happier I am when I can slow down, and not only thank someone for their generous compliment, but let it sit with me for a while. I think people often times think compliments are given as an off-the-cuff responses to avoid awkward silences, but the truth is, it can take a lot of courage to give someone a compliment. I try and remember this when someone gives me a compliment so I don’t just brush it off. The best compliments, I think, are the ones from kids. You know children are honest and aren’t afraid to tell you what they think, so when I get a compliment from a child, it makes my day! : )
And if we are on a compliment toot… I thought I’d just tell you that you’ve COMPLETELY changed my life. #1, I’ve fallen in love with BodyPump and I think thats enough said, and #2, I have SO many new recipes for healthy food options that are variations on the unhealthy ones I’ve always loved and I feel like a new woman.
P.S., I’ve recently discovered this thing called Coconut butter (if you’re a fan of coconut). it is a solid at room temp, but when you heat it up, it incredible to put on granola, smoothies and so many other things. It gives a rich and creamy coconut taste you can’t get from coconut flakes. AMAZING if you’re into coconut.
I definitely still like to hear I look beautiful from my guy, but the compliment that recently made me the absolute happiest was when a friend told me something like, “I absolutely could not have done this without you!” She’s been trying to lose weight and get in top shape for a hike to Kilamanjaro (!!) later this summer, and I’ve been working out with her and asking her questions about staying on track with eating and stuff, and for her to tell me she couldn’t have done it without me…well, it made me heart feel like it was floating!
I agree 110%. I lahhhhve when I get compliments, and when I get them from blog readers, and especially other bloggers, it brightens my day so much. Plus, I take it SO much more to heart!
I like getting compliments about my intelligence, but honestly, I sometimes wish it was about my looks. I was the other way in high school- everyone complimented me for how I did in school and how dedicated I was to my work. I guess for me it’s nice to hear that I look good sometimes- I don’t want to just be known as someone who gets good grades. BUT, I do still like to get complimented on doing well at something- and intelligence is really important to me, so I think I just went around in a circle trying to explain that haha. I love this post!
I like hearing “you’re funny” or “I totally relate”
You aren’t even a little impressed that they look cute while getting their degrees?! JK- just thought it was a fun sentence you wrote 🙂
My favorite compliments are ones that recognize my hard work I put towards something. I appreciate it when my husband says a meal is delicious, because I worked hard on it (usually). I appreciate when people enjoy my writing, because it takes time. I love when people say I have a well behaved dog or am living a healthy pregnancy because these, too, are things I really strive for.
…but some days a ‘wow, you’re hair looks great!’ goes a long way… especially while 30 weeks prego!
within the past 1-2 months, on 3 separate occasions I have had someone say “I would like to be you for just 30 days!”
and one compliment from a friend in CA that said “I want to be just like you when I grow up” (this was said because I took the high road in a situation (and typically do)…she doesnt. :/
One of the best compliments that I’ve ever received was in 9th grade, when one classmate said to another “When do you see Anne NOT smiling?” Stil sticks with me today. I love that my cheerful personality is appreciated by others.
I like hearing things like “you’re funny” and my friends always tell me that I am really upbeat and optimistic and I love that!
While I was in grad school, my professor told me that I look really strong and that made my day. It’s nice to hear when people notice that you are working hard.
I completely agree with this post! I have noticed that as we age we begin to cherish the compliments based on our personality and achievements much more than our looks. A few months ago my college friend was telling me how much of a genuine friend I was and even her mother told her that I was truly such a good person and friend and had such a big heart. It was those compliments that almost brought me to tears and that I cherish and appreciate so much more than any compliment about my looks. Anyone can be beautiful..but inner beauty and a possessing a good heart are far more important in my book.
I think the most important compliments to me now are those about my work (day job as a fundraiser and side job in photography) and those about me as a friend (good listener, always there for people, etc)…although I feel especially excited and proud about compliments on my photography since its a new endeavor and one I feel very passionate about…
I totally know what you mean about the types of compliments that mean the most to me now. Of course, it’s always nice to hear someone say you have nice hair or like your outfit, but when someone compliments your character or talents, it takes it to a new level.
Compliments that really make me glow and smile are when people say positive things about a project I completed or anything that has to do with my intellect.
When I was a teen I was the same way too. It was nice if someone complimented my new J-LO tracksuit, but complimenting me about my academic achievements seriously gave me a high.
Meaningful compliment—A couple of weeks ago 2 different people told me that I was a genuinely fun person to be around. That was nice. Made me feel good.
Honestly it’s the compliments about my children that mean the most to me nowadays because I believe that at least 80% of it is a reflection of the parenting.
I feel guilty for bein’ a “workin’ mom” a lot of the time and so these compliments help to reassure me that I’m not the world’s worst mother.
As a teen I was obsessed with good grades and doing things “right.” Any compliment related to this made me giddy.
Now I appreciate compliment for my achievements but also for my attempts at things. I put a lot of work into things even if they don’t turn out right.
I also love compliments on being me. It feels odd for someone to say they like me because I wasn’t told that a lot as a teen and in college but to have a friend tell me they enjoy being around me without any reason, I love it. 🙂
loveeee it when someone compliments me on something that i really work hard on and am interested in: school work, fitness, health
but what means the most to me when someone tells me what i have done that has made them happy/ helped them
that is by FAR the BEST compliment everrrr
I agree, as I’ve gotten older I love it when people comment on qualities such as my personality or work I’ve done rather than my appearance, clothes, etc. I think it’s because it makes me feel more worthwhile as a person. Appearances don’t last forever, but being a good writer does!
Compliments about my integrity, my value a wife/friend/sister/daughter and about my work mean to the most to me!
Oh and I’ll just be honest, I am only 25 but I already love to hear “wow, you look so much younger”. My husband thinks that I am crazy, but I can’t help it, I love it! haha
I just wrote about compliments — one of the great small pleasures in life! I am working on trying to give more compliments (geniune ones, of course), because…why not? They can make someone’s day, and they’re totally free!
I guess my favorite compliments are about things that I feel I have some control over. People often say nice things about my hair — and while I certainly appreciate it, I was born with this hair… I didn’t really do much to earn it. But a compliment about my work, or even about my style — that feels good, because I know that my efforts are noticed and appreciated.
It always nice to hear a compliment especially one that is not superficially based! What is even nicer is when people appreciate and compliment the things you do when you don’t even realize you are doing them. (like your friend who is taking care of her grandmother)
I do admit I like to receive the compliments on all my hard work with my diet and fitness but the ones that mean the most are the ones about my work. It makes me feel smarter than just some skinny girl who works out alot. i like knowing people recognize that I’m a smart, talented individual as well.
Definitely compliments about my personality or skills – those I take seriously! People often say things like ‘nice outfit’ or ‘your hair looks good’ without really thinking about it, but something like ‘you’re a great listener’ or ‘you did a great job’ really mean something.
Compliments can really turn a day around! I love it when my work is complimented – especially if I thought it was going unnoticed, when my husband compliments my food, when my kids say “I love you” and that I’m “beautiful” out of the blue. I also love it when people tell me my kids are well-behaved. I don’t necessarily think this is true, but it makes me feel like I’m doing something right!
The best compliment I received lately was from my high school best friend. We fell out of touch and she recently started reading my blog. We haven’t really communicated in years and she wrote me an email saying I was such a great inspiration for her. She’s a new mom and the adjustment isn’t easy. It really touched me that she wrote all of these kinds things about ME because I felt like she was always the one doing the inspiring when we were growing up. I was truly blown away – words can be so powerful!
I’m the worst at taking compliments. I don’t know if it’s modesty or an uncomfortable feeling I get but I love giving them out when I really, truly mean it! The best I’ve gotten have been in heart felt cards from people who really know me, they mean so much and I keep them all! I’m a sap!
Compliments I cherished when I was younger: You have beautiful eyes, your so cute, you’re a great dancer, you rock at softball. Compliments that mean so much to me now, are: Good parenting! your such a good mom, thank you, and when my husbands recognizes things I do around the house and so forth.
Receiving compliments from my parents about my marriage/life choices means a lot to me…It always feels good to make your parents proud, no matter what age!
🙂
I definitely love getting compliments on my character!
I also love compliments that are truly genuine, or unique… not just you’re everyday “cute outfit” kinda compliments, although, those are nice too!
Also, compliments from my parents or my future in-laws are a big deal to me. 🙂
The compliment I got a little while back actually didn’t make me feel like it was a compliment. Some people were saying things like “How can she fit everything in her schedule and it coming out great?! How can she volunteer to help with everything from kids with cancer to organization duties?”
And I overheard thinking they were talking trash about me and how I want to be perfect in everything. My friend assured me that they meant it as a compliment and that they were kind of jealous they can’t do the same.
Til this day I’m a little iffy about it because I’m not one to take compliments easily. So I’m slowly learning that sometimes people say things as a means of a compliment … but it just comes out wrong.
As for you and your writing and thoughts …. I always save yours for last because I know I can always enjoy it. It has more than just pictures of what you ate and wore. It has real thoughts about real things that everyone can pretty much relate to. That’s why I like reading YOUR blog. Keep it up!! 😀
I completely agree, those type of compliments mean less and less to me as time goes on. I like to write fiction in my spare time, and it means a lot when people give positive feedback to my work. The compliment that has meant the most to me so far would have to be from my boyfriend. I went through some tough times last year and suffered from severe panic attacks. Out of the blue a few months back he told me how proud he was of how far I’d come since then and I’d worked very hard to overcome it. He just smiled and said I was like a new person and gave me a kiss. Was the nicest compliment ever as it feels like a huge achievement! 🙂
I love compliments that tell me how cool it is I am reaching my dreams, or going for what I am passionate about, or my helping my little sister (who struggles sometimes).
Those things MATTER 🙂 You are a very great writer, by the way!
A few months ago, a friend from out of town saw a picture of me after losing quite a bit of weight. After months of hearing how pretty and skinny I was looking, my heart skipped a beat when my friend exclaimed, “You look so HAPPY and VIBRANT!!”
I would rather be called happy than skinny any day of the week.
Just a simple compliment like “thank you” brightens my day 🙂 I guess my priority would be mannerism first, above all !