(The potty training reward tokens pictured above are an Amazon find!)
When I shared we were diving into potty training on Instagram, I received a bunch of messages asking me to share my experience. Three kids later and I think I finally have a good enough grasp on potty training to share a blog post about our approach based on what worked (and is currently working) for our boys.
Before we set out to potty train Chase (our oldest son), I read the book Oh Crap! Potty Training. It’s an incredibly helpful resource and one I recommend but I also encourage anyone who reads it to take it with a grain of salt. It’s saturated with information and can increase stress for some, too. I took the “take what works for us, leave what doesn’t” approach when reading that book. The result was a potty training method that isn’t fancy, catchy or Pinterest-graphic friendly but it works for us and helps us keep our sanity and not stress over something we know our kids can handle.
As for the boys’ ages, we’ve potty trained all three of them around the same age. Our boys all have summer birthdays and we’ve potty trained all of them at two-and-a-half years old when they’ve been a couple months shy of three. This has proven to be a sweet spot with our boys because they can communicate, understand us and seem to get what’s happening. (I am pretty sure the Oh Crap Potty Training book had me sweating and stressing thinking I missed the “ideal” potty training window with Chase but we were totally fine.) Potty training a few months before Chase and Ryder began attending the 3s class at their preschool gave them a couple of months to work on potty training, handle hurdles, practice going potty outside of our home, etc. and we’re doing a similar timeline for Rhett for the same reason.
And now let’s move right along to how we approach potty training!
Hopefully you all know this by now but please know I am not even close to a potty training expert. I’m just a mom of three who has been around the potty training block a time or two and found a method that works for her kids and keeps stress minimal. If you’re planning to potty train your little one soon, I encourage you to use what might work for you from this post and ignore anything that isn’t a great fit for you or your child.
How We Handle Potty Training
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Hype It Up Before Hand
This is HUGE! We talk a lot about potty training for a week or so before we begin. This looks like reading potty-specific books (the boys have all loved this one and this one thanks to the interactive noisy buttons), taking them along to pick out some fun character underwear, involving them in selecting their rewards for potty training and watching the Daniel Tiger potty training episode. The Daniel Tiger potty episode includes a little potty song (“If you have to go potty, stop and go right away. Flush and wash and be on your way!”) and we sing this song non-stop during potty training. It’s a great resource and I think it resonates well with kids because it’s memorable and makes it feel a little less tense and stressful. This Daniel Tiger potty training book is a great way to reinforce the episode.
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Commit To Being Home for 2-3 Days
We clear our calendar and commit to holing up at home for two or three days when it’s potty training time. Playtime outside in the yard is totally fine (a huge perk of summertime potty training!) but other than that, we stay home and try to position ourselves in the same room as the kid who is potty training as much as possible. This makes it easier to notice signs that they may need to use the potty and we’re better able to quickly move them to the potty if an accident begins. During these few days, we’re all about regularly encouraging trips to the potty all day long. Loading up on liquids so more regular trips to the potty happen is another tip I read that we also implement.
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Naked from the Waist Down
This one was met with a little resistance from two of the boys but keeping them naked from the waist down has been pivotal for us for the first few days. It makes it easier to see an accident the moment it begins and the kids REALLY notice the wetness because it’s all over their legs and feet. None of our boys have liked this feeling and I think after the first couple of accidents they begin to put two and two together and realize that in order for their bodies to stay dry, they have to make it to the potty.
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Rewards + Sticker Charts + Color Changing Potty Stickers
I know there are mixed viewpoints about reward-based potty training but we are ALL about it. It works and seriously motivates our boys. We have always done a little sticker chart which works well for the first or two day but eventually all of our boys have lost interest in the sticker reward chart. What didn’t they lose interest in? Candy. Haha! Choosing one of their favorite candies (or, in Rhett’s case, marshmallows) as a reward for any successful potty trips worked like a charm for our boys and definitely increased their motivation to sit on the potty and try to go. A little treat after a successful trip to the potty is not something I sweat because I know they won’t be waiting for a marshmallow or M&M from Mom after every potty trip for all the days. I’m totally fine with a little something special to help reinforce our praise when they make it to the potty, especially since this is the part of potty training out kids have liked best!
One other novelty worth mentioning that’s not exactly a reward but definitely increased potty training enthusiasm with our boys are these color-changing potty stickers. You place one at the bottom of a little potty and they change color when heat (in this case pee!) activates them. They rinse clean so they’re resuable and add a little extra fun to the monotony of potty training.
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Move a Little Potty from Room to Room
I know this isn’t realistic for the long-term but during the first couple of days at home, we take a little potty with us and move it all around the house so the potty is easily accessible at all times. Eventually it gets stored in the bathroom but in the beginning of potty training, keeping the potty close by works well for us. For those potty training little boys, I highly recommend a potty that has a little hump that goes between their legs (like this one) to minimize splashing and messes. I also ordered this potty seat that folds away that you place on top of a big toilet but we have not transitioned to that one for Rhett to use just yet.
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Don’t Sweat Naps and Nighttime
This was advice I received from our pediatrician during our first go-around with potty training Chase that I took to heart. Don’t sweat naps or nighttime potty training right away. Little kids have little bladders and if they’re still waking up after nighttime with a full, wet diaper, thinking they can hold it through the night might be a little too much to handle right away. We’ve always allowed for diapers during naps and nighttime and while I initially worried this might be confusing, Chase and Ryder never seemed to question it or get confused and so we’re taking the same tactic with Rhett.
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No Diapers Outside of the House (+ Using Extra-Absorbent Cotton Underwear At First)
Once our 2-3 days at home for the initial potty training blitz are up, it’s underwear time! We try to really, really encourage use of the potty before leaving the house whenever we have to go somewhere and also go to the potty right when we arrive somewhere to minimize accidents as much as possible. That being said, you better believe we have a spare pair of underwear and shorts/pants in the car at all times in case of an accident for quite a while just to be safe.
I know pull-ups work for many but I’ve never done them for our boys because the boys’ 2s preschool teacher told us she’s seen many kids get confused by them because they don’t feel the wetness after an accident as much as real underwear. (She has 20+ years of experience helping kids learn to go potty so I trusted her advice on this one!) Instead of pull-ups, when we first begin venturing out of the house, I’ve put the boys in extra-absorbent cotton underwear. It’s a little thicker in the crotch area than traditional kids’ underwear so it helps absorb dribbles and a small amount of urine but it still allows the child to feel wetness after an accident. They’ve been my go-to for the beginning days/weeks of potty training! Note: They will NOT keep your child completely dry and are not a diaper substitute by any means but they are helpful in preventing wet shorts/pants if a child lets out a little dribble (not a full bladder release).
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Recognize A Lot of Kids Have Their “Thing” When It Comes to Potty Training + Accidents Happen + Practicing Patience
One thing I’ve realized when it comes to potty training is that many, many kids have a hurdle of some sort to overcome when it comes to potty training. I vividly remember two of my girlfriends struggling big-time because their children refused to poop in the potty at all and always asked for a diaper. One of our boys refused to poop at school and would have an accident right when we arrived home from preschool unless we made sure he ran inside and immediately used the potty. Right now, our hurdle seems to be the big toilet. Rhett much, much prefers his little potty and is quite intimidated by a real toilet. We’re taking our time with this at the moment and limiting long trips out of the house because he seems nervous about sitting on anything other than his little potty. (I’m open to tips on how to make this easier for him if any of you have any advice!) Talking with many, many friends made me realize a lot of kids have something they have to work on during their potty training journey and potty training is often far from seamless. (Also, for any new readers, this blog post Q&A I did with a potty training expert when we were in the midst of potty training Chase addresses a lot of potty training hurdles!)
I’ve found myself reminding myself to give the boys (and myself) a lot of grace during potty training. Potty training can be frustrating and I think it’s okay to admit it’s not the most fun or exciting endeavor to embark on with a child. Is it annoying when you ask your child if they have to go potty only to hear them say “no” and have an accident two minutes later? Of course. Does it happen? Of course. While potty training can happen quickly for some, it often takes time and involves some accidents along the way. Keeping expectations realistic and not imagining your kid as some kind of potty prodigy can go a long way.
And now I’d loveee to hear from you guys! Please weigh in below, as I know a lot of us benefit from comments and advice from those who have been through the ringer with kid-related stuff like potty training! You guys have helped me countless times during my motherhood journey and I’m always so grateful for your insights!
Some Helpful Potty Training Finds
Questions of the Day
If you have potty trained a little one/little ones before, what has helped you the most?
Did your child have any big potty training hurdles you had to work a little harder to overcome? Did anything in particular work for you?
If you have any valuable potty training resources to share, please add them below to help those who might be on the lookout!
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Just want to throw out there for others deciding what to do that we just let our kids potty train when they started doing it – one was just over 3 and the other less than 2. We had the kid potty, we talked about it but there were no rewards, no set timeline, no big plan.
Not saying anything is wrong with those things just that it can happen very naturally if you don’t need to have it done by a certain time for school, etc.
And man, seeing this post made me glad I am nearly a decade past the diaper phase of parenting!
yes!!!! if we didn’t have the pressure of needing to have the boys potty trained for their 3yo preschool class (it’s a requirement at their preschool), i think this is what we would’ve done as well.
I second this! Toilet training wasn’t even a thing for us. We just waited until our son was ready and it was a seamless transition. Janet Lansbury has great guidance on this.
https://www.janetlansbury.com/2014/08/3-reasons-kids-dont-need-toilet-training-and-what-to-do-instead/
My kids are teens (1 girl 1 boy) it truly is individual. I remember everyone sad all boys are so hard to potty train. My son was like one or two days and he was completely potty Trained . My daughter on the other hand, months lots of battles 😬, so I think it’s just individual and a lot of patience.!!
After almost a year of potty training my first son, we are finally doing really well! He was a kid who did not want to poop on the potty. We had dealt with some severe constipation and he had been a bit traumatized from some necessary enemas. We finally got going on Miralax and that was a game-changer. We just had to be patient. We let him poop in diapers as long as he needed to. One day he wanted to go on the potty. Then we worked through consistency with that. Now we have slightly wet undies every-once-in-awhile, especially when he’s doing something super fun, but those are not common. I feel like we have finally made it through.
The biggest thing learned was potty training is a long game. The idea of training over a long weekend is a joke and sets parents up for a lot of disappointment and frustration. My advice is to follow your kid’s timeline and with some gentle encouragement, they will get there. Like all things with parenting, patience is key!
Yes to the long game!!! There’s so much “potty train your kid in 3 days” content out there and it’s definitely more of a process than that — at least it was in our house!
So much this!! One of the things I hated about the “Oh crap” potty training book was that I felt like a failure because we were not “done” after the magical 3-7 days.
An idea a friend gave me that worked wonders for us too when we were out in public and they needed to use the “big potty”, was that I would sit behind them on the toilet so they didn’t feel like they were going to fall in. After a few times of doing this they got used to it quickly and it wasn’t an issue! Now, automatic flushers are another story 🤣😉
Sitting behind the child is a great idea! I’ve talked to several moms who bring stickers into the bathroom and place them over the automatic flusher sensor to prevent scary flushing!
Oh this is so smart!! And yesss those automatic flushers were killer with Chase!!
Also, go figure after I shared this post yesterday Rhett did totally fine on the big potty all day soooo just goes to show sometimes thing just happen naturally/when they’re ready.
We just started last week with my son who turns 3 this Saturday! We’ve generally used the same approach Julie described above and it’s been great. My son needs to be potty trained to attend his 3yo preschool in August. On our reward chart he stamps a dot marker every time he goes and gets m&ms every 4 stamps and it seems to really motivate him! We’ve slowly phased that out after the initial naked from the waist down days. My biggest takeaways so far have been keep it low-pressure, offer lots of encouragement and genuine praise for success and effort. We talked and read about it with my son a lot before officially starting. We also talked up getting underwear a lot and he was excited to finally have some! Also I can’t recommend the Summer brand travel potty enough! It works as a stand alone potty on the go or you can use it as a seat on a regular toilet while out! It’s small, comes in a carrying bag and easy to take into a store or just general on the go! I found mine at Marshall’s for only $5.99! To everyone in the same boat—You’ve got this!
I would second the idea above of a collapsible potty seat for on the go. We got one off Amazon and it folds up very small, so is easy to take in the diaper bag whenever we’re out and about. It sits on top of a toilet seat and just makes it so they don’t feel like they will fall in to the big toilet. Also makes me feel stress less because they aren’t clinging to a grimy toilet in a public bathroom!
I loved our pediatrician’s advice that kids will overnight train when they are ready. It’s a developmental thing that happens at all different ages. My son just started staying dry overnight at 4.5, but have heard that up to 8(!) is actually considered normal.
It’s actually 10ish. My son is almost 9 and still wears a pull up. A few of his friends do as well. Pediatrician has zero concerns and said at 10 they would address.
Yes!! I could’ve hugged our pediatrician for that advice when I was going through potty training the first time around! Absolutely helped alleviate some stress from the whole thing.
Hi Julie! My first son was also afraid of the big potty. What worked for us was to take a travel potty with us (the oxo 2-in-1 go potty) everywhere and he would use that in the public bathroom. Honestly, sometimes he didn’t even want to go in the public bathroom bc the flusher scared him so we would just set it up in the car. To your point earlier, I knew he would eventually grow out of needing that (and he did, before he turned 3!) so I didn’t mind accommodating him for a little while!
Perfect timing. Going to potty train my 3rd (but first boy) next month. Nervous this time around bc it’s my first boy. Haha. Great tips and reminders! And those stickers to pee on! Genius. Definitely grabbed some of those. Thanks Julie!
good luck!!! hope it goes well for you!! and sending alllll the patient vibes your way!
I’ll never forget how horrified our preschool director was when I told her we were doing the Oh Crap method with my oldest. She turned out to be right that it is too much pressure on the child (and parents!). We tried it with my first when he was about 27 months and it was stressful for all of us, not to mention difficult for our family to stay homebound for 3 days. We called it after day 3 and started again a couple of months later doing a much more laidback approach – and he got it pretty much immediately. We used this approach (similar to yours minus the pantsless stay at home portion) with both of our boys right at 2.5. They both got it within a couple of days, so I think the right age is definitely an important factor! My youngest is 18 months and a girl, so very curious to see how the experience will differ. I also agree with others above that our pediatrician recommended waiting on nighttime potty training. We never did any nighttime “training” and my oldest just started waking up with a dry pull up right before he turned 4. My middle is 3.5 and has been waking up with a dry pull up a couple of times a week so thinking it will be around the same for him. Congrats on being close to done with diapers!
I’ve potty trained 4 kids now and I think the biggest secret to our success was for me to be in the right mental state before starting the process. I waited until I had help for siblings, did freezer meals, cleaned the house really well before starting so that my only responsibility for 3-4 days was to be on crotch watch 24/7 and focus on helping kiddo learn how to use the toilet.
“crotch watch” made me LOL so thank you for that!! haha!
This is very in-depth. When your boys get older and they find out you used their extremely private moments for content, how do you think they’ll react? You seem very concerned with the content they consume (no screens?) but have 0 issues using them for content on your very public blog and Instagram. The internet is not a safe place for posting your children constantly, it’s rather UN-safe, especially when you detail your whole entire days including the places you frequent.
I have wondered this same thing. It sounds like your kids don’t get screen time, but essentially their whole lives are online. How do you explain this to them?
I would also like to know how she explains (or will explain) this. Posting friends and family’s children is a bit invasive as well
I appreciate your concern and want you to know this is something I think about and evaluate regularly. I could honestly talk in depth about this for a long time (and do with those closest to me) but please know it’s not something I take lightly. Right now our boys are quite young and the kid-related struggles I blog about are less personal (sleep concerns, toddler tantrums, etc.) than the struggles and issues that may pop up as they get older. Already, I don’t share nearly as much about Chase and the things he goes through and that’s intentional as he’s in elementary school and older. I check in with myself about the content I share and ask how I’d feel if my mom shared stuff like this about me online. I know I wouldn’t want the things I struggled with as a teen online but would I care if my mom shared how she potty trained me or the fact that I was a challenging sleeper as an infant? No, I would not. I fully believe and expect the personal side of parenting I love sharing so much on this blog will decrease significantly as our kids get older, as I feel it happening already with our oldest.
As for our limited screens philosophy for our kids (at this point — they’re all under 8 years old and I realize this will likely change over time), our decision to limit screens for our boys is complex but one that stems largely from seeing positive behavior changes when screens are limited and not from safety concerns at this age which I am assuming is the correlation you’re making here? It’s definitely not the right decision for every family but it works for us.
And you mentioned sharing friends and family in your follow-up comment — I’ve been blogging for more than a decade and the friends and family who appear in this space have given me permission to share what I do. I do have a few friends who do not want to be on the blog or Instagram which I 100 percent understand and respect and of course I refrain from sharing anything about them and their families.
Also, I completely understand the way I approach my life and my blog may not be what you would choose to do and I respect that completely and appreciate your concerns. I also hope you can respect my decisions and trust I am making them from a place of the most intense love for my family. I genuinely love sharing and connecting with readers in this space, many of whom I consider true friends, and connecting over shared experiences and struggles has been a huge gift to me. I do not share these issues for “content” but because my blog has always been a place where I share a glimpse into my life — since day one! — and motherhood and everything that goes along with raising a family is currently the biggest part of my life. I have absolutely considered removing the personal aspect of this blog and transitioning into sharing more recipes or other topical content but my heart is in connection and sharing through experiences and the ups and downs day-to-day life.
Thank you for this reply, I appreciate that you’re willing to discuss this topic.
On the subject of sharing personal things…just because you wouldn’t mind your mom talking about potty training you publicly, doesn’t mean your kids will feel the same.
Also, the privacy aspect goes for their pictures being online as well. I’ve become more aware myself of the dangers of posting our kids online (I’ve personally pulled back), and the internet is a wild place…picture stealing/cloning, people recognizing your kids in public. Maybe I’m just paranoid, but things like that are worrying.
Please don’t think this is coming across as an attack, I genuinely think we should all think twice before sharing pictures of our kids (myself included!)
Thank you for reading my reply with an open mind — it honestly is refreshing and seemingly not the norm these days. And you are correct that what might not bother me might bother my kids and that is something I consider as well and think will be increasingly important to be mindful of as they get bigger. Thank you for encouraging me (in a kind way) to continue to think more about everything that goes along with the personal side of blogging.
Could you consider anonymizing this post a bit? Instead of specifically saying which kid struggled with accidents after school, just say “one kid struggled with X, while it wasn’t an issue for the others” to make your point that every kid is different. That would make a huge difference!
This is a great idea and I will edit the post now. Thank you!
Thank you for your response. I have also been a long-time reader and was asking out of a place of curiosity. I’m on the other end of the spectrum and have never shared anything about my family online. I don’t utilize social media. I am a reserved person and while some of it has to do with that, I also think often about what it would mean for my children in the long-run. While our worlds have become larger and more far-reaching with technology, I find there is a profound responsibility to hem in the personal aspects.
You are such a great mom, Julie, and I love your blog (I’ve been a reader for almost 8 years!) My older son is now 12 and if I get two photos of him to post a year, I’m thrilled! He doesn’t like photos but thankfully he loves to be videotaped while mountain biking! He didn’t want to have anything to do with his cute “first/last day of school” signs this year, so I just took a separate picture of the sign as a momento ! Lol! You can always take down a post in the future if your sons come across it and are like, “mom! I don’t want this on the internet!”. But I truly appreciate and enjoy all that you share with us!!
My seven year old has autism and is fully potty trained at school and ABA and even if his ABA teacher is over for a home session, he will use the potty with no issues whatsoever. But…when he’s just dealing with me, he always wants a pull up (a very kind teacher told me about two years ago, “his pull up is one of his comforts at home!” Our problem is that he needs a pull up at night time so he knows they are in the house. I just bought a paw patrol sticker chart, and we printed a photo of a Lego firehouse he wants, to put by the chart. I’ve been thinking about getting balloons and having a “no more diapers” party for him and just seeing how the nighttime accidents go (and doing lots of laundry Im sure!) but getting the pull ups out of the house. I had never heard of the special underwear you mentioned in your blog so thank you so much for sharing that!
I have moments where I think people must think I am the worst mom in the world because my son still wears pull ups at age 7 when not at school or ABA. I wish I had tried harder when he was three (the first time he started peeing in the potty!) but because he wasn’t talking then, I didn’t want to push him. He started talking in sentences just in the last year or two and has made such amazing progress. I know we will get there with potty training eventually.
There is a great book by Amy Poehler called “Yes Please” that you should all read. It has a great quote in it:
“Good for her! Not for me. This is the motto women should repeat constantly repeat over and over again. Good for her! Not for me.”
Let’s build each other up. Life’s hard enough.
I have done a lot of the same things as you, I started preparing with some fun books, a kid potty that has a flush sound and let our little one flush the toilet for us sometimes to get used to that. We were probably around 2.5-3yrs for him, got stools, potty seats and faucet extenders so he felt like he could do a lot all on his own. Rewards only worked for a few days, so we followed the big little feelings method and did 3 days at home. After those three days we had very minimal accidents! I agree it comes down to right mindset as well. We also didn’t scold for accidents but rather reminded pee goes in the potty.
Our pediatrician shared once they go 30 days without any night time accidents in diaper that’s usually when she recommends removing the night time one. Biggest thing I’d say overall is there are many ways to do it and do what works for you and your kiddo 🙂
1000% agree with no pull-ups. I always tell my friends this and they look at me like I’m crazy, but it makes so much sense why that would be confusing. No pull-ups worked for all three of mine!
I wish everyone had that flexibility. I would have LOVED to do 3 “pantless days” then right to underwear, but many daycares require pull-ups until kids are farther along potty trained.
I hate the “shame” that comes with pullups when sometimes working moms have no choice.
I totally agree with you- they slow down progress, but I still have to go to work.
Megan, I am truly sorry if you felt shame regarding pull-ups from this post. You’re absolutely right that we all have to do what works for us and a lot of that can be dependent on outside factors like childcare, work schedules, etc.
Do all of your boys still wear overnight diapers? My son is 5 and he still wears them and wakes up wet every morning. It’s so reassuring to hear that this is normal and part of development.
Chase and Ryder don’t anymore and haven’t for a few years now but we dropped them only when they were no longer needing them/waking up with diapers that weren’t wet which didn’t happen when we first tackled potty training. Our pediatrician definitely helped me feel less stressed about this “milestone” and assured me it would come!
I’m just here to say THANK YOU so much for sharing. You have no idea how helpful it is. It is why I love your corner of the internet so much!
I also appreciate you sharing! Our daughter is 2.5 and has been pee trained for a few months but we are still struggling with poop potty training. Hearing your experience is very helpful!
Thanks for this post, Julie. I read one of the popular books for potty training and it really gave me so much anxiety about starting. I saved your post and made some similar things and are starting on Monday. He turned 3 in June but is really only just now showing signs of being ready. Wished it were sooner but know it’ll happen when he’s ready!