In today’s post, I’m addressing questions related to marriage, motherhood/me time, fitness, work and knowing when you’re “done” having kids. Let’s dive in!
Additional posts about life with three kids:
- One Week Into Life with Three
- The Transition from 2 to 3 Kids
- Life with Three Kids: 1.5 Years In (Part One)
Life with Three Kids: 1.5 Years In
- What can you do to prepare your life before the third child arrives?
From a practical standpoint: Sign up for grocery delivery/pick-up if you don’t have it already. I count Instacart as one of my biggest blessings on a weekly basis.
From an emotional standpoint: Understand that it will feel like you have so many different balls in the air and inevitably some will feel like they’re dropping at all times. Lower your expectations for what you think you can and should be doing. Be prepared to let some things go. Anticipate feeling overwhelmed and needing help. This is NORMAL.
I realize this may sound like not-so-helpful advice but, honestly, I think it really, really helped me in the transition from two to three kids. I had some very honest conversations with friends who went through the transition from two to three children a year or two before me and I am forever grateful to them for not painting a perfect oh-so-easy picture. Ryan and I were anticipating a hard phase of life when we had Rhett and I think that knowing we were in for chaos and new challenges helped prevent us from feeling defeated all the time. We expected it to be hard and when it was, we weren’t shocked or upset. During the times when everything was clicking and it felt semi-easy, we were pleasantly surprised!
My friends all told me (in a loving, encouraging but very honest way) that something about adding a third baby into the mix was a game changer in terms of chaos. Understanding that down time would be nonexistent and that I’d have to get more comfortable letting things go was something I tried to prepare myself for going into the transition from two to three.
- How do you find time to get things done around the house? Like normal household chores?
One thing I randomly found myself doing when I first became a mom was saving chores I could accomplish when the kids were awake for when they were actually awake. Using their nap times and bed times to do certain chores like laundry or doing the dishes is something I try not to do when they’re asleep because I can do these things when they’re awake. I often use bath time to fold laundry and have Rhett “help” unload the dishwasher because the dishwasher is one of his very favorite things at the moment. Other tasks I can often do when the boys are awake: Vacuuming, wiping down counters, putting away laundry, cleaning toilets and sinks, etc. The boys love helping with certain chores like cleaning windows or pretty much anything that utilizes a spray bottle so I’ll often have them “help” with these tasks. Ryan and I save some of the deeper cleaning for weekends when we can tackle these things together while the kids play so one of us can jump in if the kids need us here and there.
I also feel like it’s worth saying that letting go of expectations of having a sparkling clean home 24/7 has been crucial in this phase of life. If you come over to our house at any given time, it is never perfectly clean. I’d much rather have dusty floorboards and stains on our carpeting and enjoy motherhood than feel like I’m fussing at my kids about their messes and feeling stressed by the pressure of maintaining a perfectly clean home.
- When does it get easier? This is hard.
It IS hard. And I don’t know the answer to this question because it is still hard. I believe every phase of motherhood has its challenges so I wonder if it ever feels easier or is motherhood just continually hard in new ways?
I will say that I’ve never felt more physically needed than I have in the past 1.5 years and I’d imagine this will lessen over time. The boys still need my hugs, my arms, my boobs, my cuddles, my non-stop attention, my time… a LOT of me. That can feel very draining.
Comparing life now to the newborn days, I can say it’s easier because sleep is better. It’s harder because Rhett is now into everything so sibling battles have escalated. It’s easier because we got to the bottom of Rhett’s lip tie issue. It’s harder because now every kid has preferences and opinions and desires and they don’t always align.
It’s hard in new ways but it’s better in ways I never could’ve anticipated, too. Seeing our kids grow up and watching their relationships develop and our family bond grow stronger is something that makes all the hard worth it over and over again.
- How you you fit in fitness with three kids in the mix?
Postpartum fitness is something that changed a lot for me after the birth of our third child. After I had Chase and Ryder, sticking to my fitness routine was admittedly fairly easy for me because I work for myself from home and have a lot of flexibility in my schedule. I utilized the times when the boys were awake to go to the gym and take advantage of gym childcare. That was great and definitely helped me keep my workouts consistent because it felt like my “me time” and gave me a break from mom life while I focused on something important to me and my overall health and wellbeing.
Add another child and a pandemic into the mix and my mindset around fitness shifted fairly dramatically. (You may read more about this shift in this post: A Shift in My Fitness Mindset.) I cannot remember the last time I worked out five or six days a week and now consider three (occasionally four) workouts a week my new normal. And that feels GOOD.
Giving myself a lot of grace and recognizing that working out as much as I did before kids or even after one or two children was no longer realistic helped me lean into this new phase of motherhood. I feel a lot more relaxed about fitness these days and have zero guilt if I go several days or even a week without any traditional form of exercise because I am pretty sure all moms out there would agree that motherhood IS physical. Motherhood = Movement all day long.
In terms of how I fit my workouts into my schedule, they typically happen before the boys are awake or, occasionally, when Rhett naps. Chase and Ryder are old enough to entertain themselves while I work out (HUGE perk!) and if they’re home and awake while Rhett sleeps, they’ll play in the driveway or front yard while I workout out in the driveway. (Working out while Rhett is awake is impossible so I don’t even try.) I’m also now occasionally going back to in-person Burn Boot Camp classes once a week or so and utilize their childcare for Rhett while the big kids are at school.
I rarely work out on the weekends and my weekday workouts almost always focus on strength training. I also absolutely count walks with the boys as exercise and love that this is something we can all do together. I truly believe walking is one of the very best things you can do for your body!
- I want another baby but I’m worried my husband can’t handle it. He’s already so tired and his patience is thin. Thoughts?
This is so hard but I also think it’s really great that you and your husband are recognizing the effects parenting can have on your patience, mental health and relationships. Truth be told, Ryan and I have had a very similar conversation when we talk about adding another child to our family. We want to be our BEST selves for our children. We want our kids to feel like Mom and Dad are understanding, patient, fun yet serious about the important stuff, present and available. Would another baby alter this for us too much? Would another baby make us less patient and take away from us parenting the way we want to parent our children? It’s not an easy question to ask and it’s an even harder question to answer.
I cannot weigh in on anyone’s personal situation and feel fortunate that Ryan and I have been on the same page when it comes to growing our family but I know this is often not the case. In one breath I fully believe the saying, “You’ll never regret having another baby,” but I also know that kids put stress on every aspect of life and if that stress is something that will bleed into your marriage and parenting, that is something I would not take lightly. Just because one parent is not overwhelmed by parenting six kids doesn’t mean we should feel inadequate if we’re overwhelmed by parenting two. The way everyone responds to parenting is personal and unpredictable (don’t we all WISH we knew how kids would effect us before having them!?) and worth assessing thoroughly before deciding whether or not to try to grow a family.
- What kind of a car did you get to accommodate a larger family?
We got a used 2018 Lincoln Navigator (the extra-long edition) and I LOVE IT. I drive my cars for-ev-errr and plan to drive this thing until it dies! We opted for captains chairs in the middle row so the big kids can walk through to the back row and buckle themselves. Ryder is still facing backwards so I actually help buckle him in from the trunk if he needs help. (Ryan says this was one of my more genius “mom hacks” since it means I’m never crawling into the back of the car.) Worth mentioning again is this Unbuckle Me tool that helps our big kids unbuckle themselves! Rhett’s car seat is in the captain’s chair behind the passenger’s seat so I can still throw him a pacifier, snack or a toy if he needs one.
We’re able to fit most things in the car for our road trips but also bought this overhead bag for trips when we have a larger load. One thing to consider: I cannot for the life of me figure out how to get the Double BOB stroller into the trunk of the car but Ryan always finds a way to get it in standing upright without trouble so it IS possible but it’s admittedly a pain. The Double BOB stroller is HUGE and our other double stroller (the Chicco Bravo for 2) fits in without a problem. The only time we really bring the Double BOB with us in the car is on vacations so it’s not a huge deal but still worth mentioning.
- Do people still ask you if you’re going to “try for a girl?” I have three boys and hear this often.
YEP. I shared more about my thoughts regarding people hoping were having a girl when I was pregnant with Rhett here.
To be honest, most of the time these comments roll right off of me. Truly. I know people mean well when they ask us about our desire for a girl but sometimes, on the days when I’m feeling a little more emotional, the comments can get to me. I know this is rooted in the fact that we found out we actually did have a girl at one point and lost her.
I can then also feel defensive over the three boys we DO have because they are awesome. They are enough. We are not lacking for love and we know our family is beyond blessed by our dude crew. Having all boys or all girls is wonderful. Ask anyone with only boys or only girls and I think they’ll agree.
When it feels like everyone else out there wishes we had a girl, I ask myself what I want and what I want is what’s right in front of me: My boys.
- How did Ryan find the time to train for a Half Ironman during this phase of life?
You may read more about Ryan’s training in this post: Ryan’s First Half Ironman Q&A
- We recently had our third. We’re so unsure about whether we are done or not. Do you feel “done?” Thoughts on this?
I understand this deeply because THIS IS US. I receive some version of this question multiple times a week. I’ve honestly thought about writing a whole blog post on this topic because my feelings around feeling “done” are so complex.
I continue to talk myself out of writing this post because I think back to how I would feel seeing a post like this on a blog when I was going through my miscarriages. It is my hope that I can eventually share a post about this topic in this space from a place of understanding that it’s not a post everyone will want to read nor is it a post everyone should read. My heart is telling me to dive into this further because it is a really important thing many people struggle with (myself included!) and I think conversations in the comments section from you guys could be very beneficial for others as well. Stay tuned because I think this is something I may eventually share.
- How do you juggle working from home? Do you work when the older two are at school? How does this work with Rhett and his nap?
This is an ever-changing beast. I work during the small moments I have to myself in the day. My work windows usually look like 5 – 7 a.m., Rhett’s nap time (2ish hours in the afternoon if Ryder takes a nap or has quiet time at the same time), an hour or two before bed at night and then catch-up time on the weekend during Rhett’s nap while Ryan hangs with the big kids.
When Rhett transitioned to one nap a day things got really, really stressful for me on the work front. Couple this transition with the fact that I’ve had to keep Ryder home from school more than usual this year due to runny noses and I felt constantly stressed by my lack of work time. Some weeks it felt like the only time I had to work was before dawn and late at night when I was completely exhausted.
Eventually I realized I could not manage to do everything I had to do in a day and hired a wonderful woman to come watch Rhett one to two mornings a week while the big kids are at school. These 3.5-hour work windows have been GAME CHANGERS for me and my sanity. They allow me to have uninterrupted work time when I’m not worried about Rhett waking up or the big kids needing something. They’ve also served as the perfect reminder that I truly LOVE what I do. This blog is so incredibly important to me and realizing I cannot raise three kids and work the same time without help was a pivotal realization that has increased my happiness in both my job and motherhood by about a million percent.
- How do you handle lack of sleep?
UGH. This is hard. I can say with 100 percent certainty that I have not slept straight through the night in more than 6 years. Motherhood altered my sleep for the worse and it’s a battle.
I will say, however, that this is one area that improves dramatically for me as my kids get older. Once Chase and Ryder weaned (when they were a little over one), both slept through the night and now they typically do not come out of their room after we tuck them in unless they’ve had a nightmare, accident (Ryder), their sheets get twisted (Ryder) or they get a bloody nose (Chase) or leg cramp (Chase). Rhett is still up once to nurse in the early morning (between 5 and 6 a.m.) and this isn’t a big deal because I’m often up already working or working out.
The best thing I do for my sleep is try HARD to get into bed early. If I don’t need to work after the boys are in bed, Ryan and I try to get into bed by 8:30 p.m. I will often read (a highlight of my day and my “me time”) for an hour or two before falling asleep by 10 p.m. I think early bedtimes are crucial for my energy levels and my ability to wake up early before the boys are up.
- Is there anything easier about having a third child?
The fact that the kids have each other to play with makes things feel easier. They primarily look to each other for entertainment rather than me and Ryan and that takes some pressure off Mom and Dad. Rhett still wants me the most but he’s becoming increasingly interested in hanging out with his big brothers which is great! Chase and Ryder are super close and play very well together so the fact that they can entertain each other is so helpful. Rhett is now at the age where he just wants to follow his brothers around and copy them non-stop and I can already see things shifting and Rhett becoming a pivotal part of his brothers’ playtime!
- Do you ever have time for yourself?
Kind of. Not really? I know this sounds horrible but it’s also my reality and I think it’s a reality for many moms out there. The only time I feel like I have to myself is often my work time (early mornings, Rhett’s nap time, after the boys’ bedtime and the mornings we have Annemarie watch Rhett) but I am fairly protective over the hour or two I have before bedtime. Though I find myself working before bedtime more than usual these days, the time I have to read before bed feels like my “me time” and really does a lot to fill my cup. I don’t really watch much TV so reading is an escape for me and something I deeply love.
- How do you prioritize your marriage with three kids?
It seems like “date night” should be my answer here but… it’s not. As someone who feels like the answer to this question is always “schedule date night once a week,” I’m here to say we don’t do weekly date nights nor do I feel this is the answer to maintaining a healthy marriage for us. (It might be for you and that’s awesome!)
For us, this looks like spending intentional time together every single day. This feels more cumulative and important to us as a couple than a nice dinner out once a week. We’re pretty on top of getting our boys in bed before 7:30 p.m. every night which gives us some time to ourselves as a couple in the evening (assuming one of us doesn’t have some work we need to wrap up). We’ll often sit on the couch and just unwind together — no TV, no phones — or we’ll get into bed ridiculously early and hang out together until we want to read. (No phones in bed is a rule we have that helps so much!) We genuinely love downtime together and choosing to talk and connect with each other after our kids are in bed works well for us.
Now that the boys are older and I’m winding down on my breastfeeding journey, we’re hoping to do more solo weekends away here and there as we LOVE traveling together. Exploring new places together always seems to breathe life into our marriage so I’m hoping this is something we’ll be able to prioritize now that we’re out of the baby phase.
Questions of the Day
I’d love to hear you answers to any of the above questions. Please pick any that interest you and chime in!!
Here are a few if you’d like a prompt…
How do you prioritize your marriage with kids?
How do you fit fitness into your life with kids in the mix?
When do you tackle household chores? How do you get them all done with kids to care for as well?
Emily says
We have 7 kids (all born in a 9 year period, last are twins), my first 3 were born in just over three years. Moving from 2 to 3 was not a huge difference difficulty-wise. To be honest, both my husband and I agree the first was the hardest (and not because he was a difficult baby, because he wasn’t), it was because we didn’t know what we were doing!
All this to say, every single family and mom will have a different experience! When people tell me they can’t handle their two and say how can I have 7, I tell them what we have is what is hard and what we can handle. Every single mom has a different experience, let’s stop the narrative of having to compare ourselves to others!
Alison Althouse says
“When are you *done* having kids?” I truly felt this to my core during my second pregnancy… I was done. We had a boy first but then I had a miscarriage and, as weird as it may sound, it reminded me that not *every* pregnancy results in a baby. When I got pregnant again, I went all-in and was completely content with the idea that this was my last. My second boy arrived and he rounded out our family in the most perfect way. I should also include that my husband was active duty Navy while we were creating this family and I was very apprehensive about how I would handle single-parenting more than two children… we joke that we handled one-on-one better than zone defense (our boys were born during March Madness).
Amanda says
This is random and I know you weren’t looking for recommendations, but we have Beddys on our bed and our son’s and they are incredible and could help with Ryder’s twisted sheets :). They are one piece and the comforter essentially zips to the fitted sheets. Sheets don’t get twisted and beds and very easy to make!
Samantha says
100% agree with Beddy’s! My youngest son used to wake up every night because of his sheets or comforter and still will if he doesn’t have his Beddy’s. But ever since Beddy’s he sleeps so much better! The only time he really wakes up now is for bloody noses and leg cramps (sounds familiar, haha). Definitely worth the investment!
Chelsea says
I loved the part where you talk about reading every night and that being your “me” time. I still have such strong memories growing up of my mom getting in bed early every night to read her books (always with a dog curled up at her feet). As I got older I started to ask her more what she was reading, what did the cover mean, did she like it, etc. Just opened up a lot of dialogue between me and my mom. All the women in our family are voracious readers (my 93-year old grandma and I have a two-person book club 🙂
I think it is such a great example not only to show how important it is to take time for yourself, but to always be open-minded and curious to read new stories/perspectives.
Julie says
i have memories of both of my parents reading in bed a lot as a kid, too, but honestly never really thought of how that played into my views on reading — thank you for this comment! in retrospect, i definitely think seeing my mom and dad unwinding with a book and prioritizing trips to the library and reading played into my love of reading from a young age. and also i LOVE that you and your grandma have a book club!!! that’s so sweet. i absolutely loved discussing books with ryan’s grandma before she passed. she was a big reader as well and we both loved historical fiction.
Amy says
That was a really great post. I appreciate your honesty!
Julie says
Thank you, Amy <3
Megan says
Deciding to be “done” has been really hard for us. We had 3 and it felt like a lot but I knew in my heart I wanted a “bigger” family. So we decided to try for one more. I’m currently pregnant with my fourth and definitely feel more done than I ever have. I have always wanted five children but I struggle in pregnancy and postpartum a lot. As hard as it is to close that door I’m very ready to move on and focus on the children I have been blessed with.
Julie says
it’s truly something we talk about constantly. i wonder if we’ll just almost “ease into” being done at some point. i always thought i’d have a feeling of finality and really wish i did. ryan is the same so we’re no help to each other on this one – ha! i also struggle a lot during pregnancy from an emotional standpoint (a lot of anxiety and constant fear) and that absolutely is something i’ve considered heavily when we talk about another child. it plays a big, big part for me. i’m happy for you and your growing family and am excited for you to move into the next phase of life with your four children <3
Kaci says
I’d love to read your post on feeling done or not from the perspective of someone who’s had multiple miscarriages. I have two boys and am currently going through my fourth miscarriage. I don’t feel done but also don’t know if I can handle another loss. I appreciate how open you’ve been about your losses and hope this is a post you’ll end up sharing.
Julie says
i am so, so sorry you’re going through this right now. you’ve been there before but that doesn’t make it any easier. it’s awful and i am just so sorry for your loss and your pain. and i do hope to share more about this topic and our losses definitely play a very big role in our thoughts about whether or not we want to try for another child. i know full well a healthy baby is not guaranteed and i am honestly a bit of a mess when i am pregnant and filled with anxiety. i hate that fear could/would play a role in our decision but that is definitely a big part of my reality.
Kristen says
If it’s within your means, getting a cleaner to come every 6 weeks has been a godsend. I’ve stopped doing some of the self-care things I used to do (pedicure or facial) to allow for this item in the budget. I’m a single mom, so finding the time to CLEAN clean has been near impossible. Knowing I only have to keep up on tidiness and minor cleaning tasks takes a huge burden off of me. Other chores I do at varying times. Sweeping / swiffering I do after bedtime, and dishes I try to get as much done as possible while my son is playing. Laundry & dinner prep I do during the workday since I WFH – I’ll try to identify calls where I can leave the camera off and multitask.
Working out at home has also been a lifesaver. I have a Peloton and stack classes so I have a library ready to go & put on my workout clothes as soon as I get out of bed. I try for 15-40 min most days of the week, and I am usually able to fit in something. Like you, the mindset has completely changed around fitness. Right now I’m only interested in moving and feeling good on my own terms whenever possible & recognizing that one day I’ll have the freedom to go to classes, train for races, cook every night… but right now I don’t & that’s ok. It’s all temporary & I’ll miss my son wanting to he held 24/7 when he realizes he’s too cool for me.
Julie says
Thank you for this push <3 Hiring someone to help with cleaning has been on our radar for a while but we've been pretty aggressively saving for the new house for years so we've put it off. We're pretty sure we'll look into having someone help with deep cleaning once a month or so when we move. I think that will breathe lifeeee into our home (and our showers and toilets, etc.) -- haha! And I am right there with you on your thoughts on fitness right now <3 <3
Ana says
Thank you for sharing this post. I currently have only one boy and people already ask me if I want a girl and I do get a little mad because my boy is my whole world and I want more children because I want more CHILDREN, regardless of the sex. But I know it’s almost a small talk topic, so I generally just brush it off.
Julie says
Exactly!! It’s definitely small talk most of the time and not malicious in the least so usually I can let it roll off as well. Occasionally there are days I can get in my head and feel more emotional about it because of all the other stuff in the back of my mind that I mentioned above but , bottom line is that I love being a mom of 3 boys more than anything and that is where I put my focus.
Danielle says
Personally, I would love to hear your thoughts on how to decide on when you are “done”. I am really struggling with that question right now. Loved these posts on transitioning from 2-3 kids!
Kristen says
I had to come to terms with the hard fact that we were “done”. Before I got pregnant with my first, my husband told me he didn’t want to be forty with a newborn. Fair and fine. It took us almost 2 years for me to get pregnant. The second one came very quickly. But now husband is 40 and while I want more (I thought I’d always have 4), I’m happy with my girl gang. They are the lights of our lives and husband is my North Star.
Fostering is not out of the equation but likely won’t happen because we are so happy with our family. Life doesn’t always deal you the cards you wanted, but it’s the hand you have and grace and graciousness are so important. I’m sorry for your losses, you have 3 beautiful boys and that is what matters. A girl won’t change how much you love your boys, just like a boy won’t change how much I love my girls.
Laura says
Thanks for writing this. It is something I need to hear! I have two beautiful and healthy children but I’ve always had the desire for a third. My husband just turned 40 too and doesn’t want more and won’t budge. I’ve felt pretty sad and even upset at him before but I know two kids is the right decision for our family! Thanks for your words 🙂
Ana says
This post was just what i needed!
We just had our 3rd in December. Drowning is how i describe most of my days. I can honestly say we are struggling prioritizing marriage. My husbands job is very demanding so if I am not working he is. We do try and utilize the time when the kids go to bed to touch base but with the newborn most nights we just pass out. We do talk about doing a better job when we start getting consistent sleep.
I feel like everyday chasing the kids is a work out LOL! I am trying the postpartum fitness program you recommended in a previous post. I love it so far!
I have started doing the majority of the laundry on Saturdays which helps so the washing machine isn’t constantly going. We also do a big clean on Sundays to start the week out on the right foot. With nicer days it is easier to keep the house cleaner since we are outside more.
Jess says
On trying for a girl – I agree it’s not malicious but definitely see how it’s hurtful.
My family had one of each and while I love my brother so much, my best friend growing up had three sisters and I was always so jealous of her. Their house was loud, chaotic, covered in clothes and makeup and so, so much fun. There’s something about families with lots of kids of the same sex – those kids always seem to grow up having a blast together! I’m sure your boys will have AMAZING memories of growing up on the lake with their brothers.
Mel says
OMG mom of 3 boys here too, and so much of this resonated with me. I too struggled for a long time with feeling “done” and also with people not thinking my boys are enough. But like you, I try to focus on how I feel, and I absolutely LOVE being a boy mom. My boys make me feel so loved every day, and that’s all I ever really wanted. Now, I just want to make them feel the same. A few months ago, I started to get “baby fever” because I really love the newborn stage, and my youngest is a full blown toddler. My husband and I went back and forth about being done, and decided to get a puppy instead – and…it’s a girl! Let me tell you, she has totally filled that baby void 😉 and has been fun for the whole fam. We had a lab for 11 years, who was totally a part of our family (just like your Sadie) and I wasn’t sure my heart was ready for a new dog yet, but she’s absolutely completed our family in the best way. <3
Natalie H says
This is us too Julie. We have three and talked about a fourth daily for the last two years (our youngest is almost 3 now) we are both on the fence and see some many pros and cons either way. Having the anxiety and fear through pregnancy is a huge thought for me as well. It has gotten worse each pregnancy sadly and I’m not sure I can put myself through it. But gosh I love the idea of four. Would love a post on this.
Spencer says
How did you and your husband agree upon your nightly routine? Was it a conversation or just sort of fell into place? I would LOVE to read before bed every night instead of watching shows or sitting on the couch with quantity time but not quality, but I know he enjoys this together time so much.
Kit says
Hi Julie! This post is amazing – thank you so much for always keeping it real, it’s why I’ve been a loyal reader since your wedding days.
In all seriousness, can you possibly give a brief play-by-play of how your structure your days after Chase is home from school? I am in awe of you getting all three kids to bed by 7:30pm, and then having much-needed time for your relationship and yourself (reading). This sounds like a dream to me. You inspire me so much, thank you!
Bailey says
I second this! I have three kids with very similar ages to you, Julie, but by the time my husband gets home and we eat dinner, we never seem to manage to get our kids to bed as early as we want. I LOVE the rare night our kids go down early and I seriously think that an earlier bedtime for all of us would be life changing. Please be my bedtime mentor!
Marita says
I’ve been waiting for this post! Thanks for sharing all of your honest thoughts on transitioning to 3 kiddos!
Primrose says
How do you get the older two in bed by 7:30? My 2.5 year olds bedtime has been pushed back from 8 to 8:30 she tries to delay until 9 and has left us with very little adult time. Sometimes husband is in bed before she goes to bed so I’m alone by myself after I put her to bed.
Caroline says
My kids were like that until they stopped napping, then for the first time they went to bed at 7:30 and it was magical. Now that they’re 6 and 8 we’re back to 8/8:30.
Sarah says
Although I’m childless by choice, I found this post (and similar ones) really enlightening and interesting. You provide insight into the experience of a woman, a couple, and a family that in some ways is very similar to my own and yet also very very different. I endeavor to understand other people’s lives and experiences, and your post is helpful in that regard. Thank you for sharing.
Mer says
I am also childless by choice and love these posts. Though I don’t plan on having children, many of my friends have at least 1 child. It helps to have someone share so freely about her reality with children so that I can better understand my friends and their lives and experiences. Thank you, Julie, for sharing so much and doing so in a kind and understanding way.
Sara says
This is such a great post, Julie! I love that you are such a happy boy mom – like me! I have two boys (my second is our rainbow baby) and I have lost count of how many people have asked us if we were trying for a girl or told us that we need to have a girl. There was some times when the comments would really hurt my feelings but now I’m much better able to let them roll off my back. In fact, a hospital worker asked me when my second son was less than a day old if we would be trying for a girl. I answered very truthfully and said, “no, we are so happy to have a second son. It took me a year to get pregnant with him.. I had a miscarriage and it was so horrible… I could never go through that again.” I now tell myself that when people tell me I should have a girl, it’s almost like they’re telling me, “you should have spent your whole life living in Florida!” (Rather than VA). It may seem like a funny comparison, but it always puts things in perspective for me! I have absolutely no clue what life would have been like living in Florida lol… All I know is my actual reality while living in VA, which is happy!
Julie says
Why don’t you sleep through the night if your kids are??
sarah sulieman says
not married and don’t have kids but Ive been following you for years and it is really fun and interesting to watch you work through these phases of life and their respective challenges. best wishes to your beautiful family! <3
Steph says
As someone who struggled through pregnancy and even more postpartum, I am D-O-N-E, as is my husband. But as soon as my 2nd baby turned 1, baby fever kicked in and I found myself thinking “well, what if we had just one more?” Cup of Jo wrote a post a few years ago referring to it as “The Ache” – https://cupofjo.com/2017/09/sadness-when-youre-done-having-children/
Even though two is the perfect number for our family, I don’t know if that feeling of wanting a 3rd will ever truly go away. Parenting is a wild ride!
Hillary says
This is me. My depression during and after pregnancy is horrible. I basically spend the whole time convinced a divorce is imminent and feeling so emotionally closed off from everything. I also struggle with an eating disorder and that has been exacerbated during both of my pregnancies. Part of me feels so done, but part of me so desperately desires to feel that baby inside of me again and I would love, love, love to experience childbirth again. I need some group therapy on this topic!
Steph says
Hillary, it’s so terrible but you aren’t alone! I had some of those exact feelings after both kids. I had horrible PPD/PPA after my first and didn’t know what it was until months later. I couldn’t even get out of bed. After the 2nd I was better prepared but still had PPD and PMMD. Thank god for meds and therapy! I’m in a much better place now but feel like I blocked out a lot of the newborn days, especially with my first, which makes me sad. Totally agree with you, the desire to have another can be strong but I’m also very happy with our family of four and don’t know that my husband and I can go through that again. All of this is to say that I feel for you, and I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make <3
Steph says
Hillary, it’s so terrible but you aren’t alone! I had some of those exact feelings after both kids. I had horrible PPD/PPA after my first and didn’t know what it was until months later. I couldn’t even get out of bed. After the 2nd I was better prepared but still had PPD and PMMD. Thank god for meds and therapy! I’m in a much better place now but feel like I blocked out a lot of the newborn days, especially with my first, which makes me sad. Totally agree with you, the desire to have another can be strong but I’m also very happy with our family of four and don’t know that my husband and I can go through that again. All of this is to say that I feel for you, and I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make <3
Audri says
As a mom just days away from welcoming our third, all of your posts about 3 kids have been very helpful to my peace of mind. I look forward to hearing how your family grows and truly appreciate the advice and perspectives you give. Its surprisingly hard to find mom-blogs giving advice on 3+ kids, likely because of everything you mentioned here about how life just takes over. Thank you for continuing to share even through the craziness, it really is helpful for those of us seeking advice on the matter.
Solange says
The “done” question resonates with me so much! Our third was born two months ago, and we have a 3 and 5.5 year old. We are 38(me) and 40, so age wise this is likely it. The biggest factor in my reasoning is financial-we both work outside the home, and early childcare is $$$, not to mention long term education costs. Surprised no one had mentioned this yet because both factors seem like a big deal to our family! We had first and second tri losses so baby making came with a lot of hard emotions, so I am looking forward to putting that anxiety and trauma behind me. I am finding however, even with everything we went through and everything we have, there is a sadness that this fleeting newborn time and baby phase is coming to an end. I think I’ll never truly feel “done” but will likely ease our way into the next phase which will feel pretty great too. Good luck to you-such a complex decision.