I want to write more about Pepper. I want to share about our bunny-hopping, licky love machine and her spunky, affectionate personality. I want to share all the good about Pepper with you right now and direct my focus and sadness into remembering why the void she left feels so big — because we loved her so much — but I know there are likely questions and I want to get this part out of the way because this is the part that is ripping me into pieces right now.
Yesterday morning, once all the boys were in school, I leashed Comet and Pepper up for a walk. We walked a route we’ve walked a million times. It’s a walk we’ve done with the kids and dogs too many times to count. We were more than a mile from home and walking across the street from a neighbor’s house. Their German shepherds were out and started barking as they ran toward their fence. They were behind a fence so I glanced away toward Pepper and Comet who were not reacting and just peacefully walking and sniffing along.
And then I glanced back toward the fence and the larger German shepherd was out of the fence and running at top speed toward us. I was immediately on alert because of the dog’s speed and yelled a firm, “NO!” but the dog kept coming and made a beeline straight for Pepper. Tiny Pepper who adores other dogs and has never met a stranger. Everything happened at warp-speed as the dog took Pepper’s body into is mouth. The dog grabbed Pepper’s torso and would not let her go as I screamed and screamed. I just remember yelling, “NO! NOOO! NO! HELP! PLEASE HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!” at the very top of my lungs, hoping and praying the owners would come outside and call their dog off or the dog would drop Pepper and she would somehow be okay.
It was all so fast and a blur and I just remember falling to my knees and and trying to get to Pepper. I was terrified for Pepper and I was terrified of this dog that didn’t seem to hear me yelling as it kept attacking my defenseless tiny dog. Pepper was was on her back with her little mouth open and her tiny paws in the air not standing a chance and this helpless feeling of pure terror is one I am struggling with so much right now. I cannot stop replaying this moment in my mind and it makes me shake as I type this and it makes me want to vomit and cry and permanently erase this from my memory forever because it was so, so awful.
The neighbor next to the house with the dog that was attacking Pepper has two dogs who came running down their driveway barking and this was the distraction that stopped the attack, as the dog dropped Pepper and took off toward the other two dogs. I immediately scooped Pepper’s limp body up in my arms at the exact same time an SUV drove around the corner and pulled over. My friend Molly lives in the neighborhood and thank God she just happened to be driving down the street and heard me screaming and pulled over right when she saw me. I just remember shaking and saying my dog was attacked and Molly saying, “Get in.” At this point I finally saw someone walking down the driveway of the house where the dog came from. I yelled out, “Your dog attacked my dog” as we were loading Comet and Pepper into the car as quickly as possible because I knew Pepper needed immediate attention.
I held Pepper in my arms and kissed her again and again and told her how much I loved her as Molly drove us to the closest vet. I was so, so scared for her. I could tell she wasn’t okay. She was alive but everything that was happening with her in my arms (which I, again, cannot stop reliving), made it clear to me that she was not okay. Not at all. I told Pepper over and over again how much I loved her and that she was such a good, good girl. I stroked her tiny face, looked into her eyes, kissed her and loved on her with every ounce of love I had in my body.
We arrived at the vet within 5 minutes and I dashed into the lobby saying, “My dog was attacked! I need help!” They were incredible and immediately took Pepper from my arms. I was shaking and crying and so scared and upset. I called Ryan once they had Pepper in a room and thank God I got him just as he was boarding a flight home from a work trip in California. We were both just reeling.
Within a few minutes, the vet came into the room where I was waiting and told me they did everything they could to save our girl. They gave her epinephrine and chest compressions but her heartbeat never picked up from the slow thump they heard upon our arrival until it completely stopped beating. I was feeling for her heartbeat in the car and I knew in my gut it was much, much too slow for a small dog.
I just remember crying and crying and saying, “We loved her so much. She was the best girl. Our boys love her so, so much. They are going to be so, so devastated.” The vet could not have been kinder and more understanding. I asked to see Pepper again and she brought her out to me wrapped up in a towel. My girl. Have you ever felt like you’re the sun, moon and stars to an animal? I was that for Pepper and I couldn’t save her. I think that’s part of what’s ripping me apart. I wanted to help her with every ounce of everything I have inside of me and I couldn’t.
I just cried and pet her tiny body and thanked Pepper for being the very, very best girl to me, to our family and, especially to our boys. The boys who began every single day racing down the stairs to greet HER. Not Mom or Dad, but Pepper. The boys who scooped her up when they wanted a moment to read on the couch because she’d always nestle in to their blankets and be the best cuddle buddy. The boys who morphed a tiny, fluffy princess of a dog into an outdoorsy adventurous girl who adored kayaking, camping and miles and miles of walking.
Our Pepper.
The hours that followed Pepper’s passing were miserable. I called the owner of the German shepherd. I felt sick and sad and just completely in shock. I still do. Pepper was perfectly healthy. Only 3.5 years old. We thought she’d be our family dog until the boys were into their late teens and early 20s. How was this real?
When our first dog, Sadie, died years ago it was horrendous and ripped my heart out but I almost felt like Ryan and I were allowed to be selfish with our grief because the boys were so, so young and not as connected to Sadie. This time feels different. This time my grief feels so, so heavy because it is so layered. Her loss was so sudden and so horrific but also… the boys. How was I going to tell them their beloved dog died? How was I going to tell them they wouldn’t have the chance to love on her one last time or say goodbye to the dog they adored who was only ever 100 percent love and spunky affection to them?
I have a friend who is a child psychologist who was an angel to me yesterday. We talked about how to speak with the boys. She encouraged me to be truthful but use words that weren’t as scary as “attack.” She said to say something along the lines of, “A big dog bit Pepper today. I took her to the vet and they tried as hard as they could to make her better. Sometimes when a big dog bites a dog as small as Pepper it’s too much for their little body. Pepper died today. I’m so, so sorry.” She encouraged me to tell them Pepper is not hurting at all anymore and she is in heaven and emphasize how it’s okay for all of us to cry and be sad right now because this is really, really sad.
Ryan’s flight landed around the same time I was heading home with the boys after school and we told them together. We had the boys go straight from my car into our backyard because we knew if they went into the house and weren’t immediately greeted by a teeny dog whose excited tail wags wiggle her whole body, they’d know something was up.
The tears immediately started flowing from the boys as they understood Pepper was no longer alive. We told them it was okay to feel really, really sad. We told them our whole family feels so sad because we loved Pepper so, so much. We told them the sadness might not go away for a while and that’s okay, too. We told them about how after Sadie died the very, very worst we felt was the day she died and the days after. And slowly, very slowly, we still felt sad but the sad it didn’t hurt us quite so much. Slowly, we were able to laugh more about our Sadie memories than cry. We promised them this would happen with Pepper, too. Right now we’re going to be sad and cry a lot.
Hours later, Chase turned to me and said, “Mom? Is she really not coming back?” My heart broke again because I understood. It felt unbelievable. He said, “I want this feeling to go away. I just want her to come back.” Ryder said, “If I could have one wish in the whole world, I’d wish for Pepper.”
Me too. We all just want her back.
Last night sucked. I knew it would and it did. One of the best parts of my day, every day, was when I would crawl into bed at night with my book and hear Pepper’s tiny feet scurry across the floors of our bedroom after me. She’d fly onto the bed, and bunny hop over to me, waiting for me to lift up my blankets so she could curl into my belly as I’d read.
This morning sucked. I knew it would and it did. The boys came down and it was like it hit them all over again because their days always began with Pepper kisses and Pepper playtime. We snuggled up on the couch to read together this morning and tears immediately began flowing because we all knew Pepper would normally be a fluffball right on top of our blanket. Right in the middle of our family where she belonged.
My stomach is in knots and I keep thinking I’m out of tears but I’m not. This is just really freaking hard and we are just really freaking sad.
We miss our girl so much.
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Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry. What a horrible thing to experience and happen. Thank you for sharing with us.
Oh Julie, I am so heartbroken for you and your family. Pepper was such a sweet girl and you were such a great family to her. There’s no doubt in my mind that she knew how loved she was by you all. I’m thinking of you all at such a difficult and traumatic time.
I’m so sorry, Julie. This sounds so traumatic and I hope you know how loved she felt by you in those final moments. You were such a wonderful family for her, thinking of you all as you grieve.
Julie, this is the saddest story I have ever heard about the loss of a pet. I am devastated. This happened to a little dog in my neighborhood years ago (though I did not see it and I am still haunted by it). Please be sure to call the police if you haven’t already. I am so, so heartbroken for you all.
I am so so sorry for you and the boys and Ryan. Losing a pet is the worst and in this way is unimaginable. I hope you are comforted knowing what a wonderful life you gave her and that she’s watching over your from heaven.
Julie and I am freaking sorry, this is absolutely horrific. We lost our beloved family dog a couple weeks ago (she was old and had a lot of health issues) and knowing how that felt I can’t imaging how you are feeling when this is so unexpected. I’m thinking of you and your family and saying a prayer for sweet Pepper.
Oh Julie, I’m so sorry and feel for you and your sweet family. So heartening to hear the wonderful way you were able to help relay the news and comfort the kids. Sending so many good thoughts for your peace and healing.❤️🩹
Julie, I cannot even imagine the depth of the grief that you and your family, especially those little boys, are feeling right now. How horrible that you had to experience that and I know how memories can be pretty rough especially around a tragedy. I had tears running down my face while reading this post, feeling a mix of anger and grief. Nobody ever expects something like this to happen and it shouldn’t have happened. Praying that God heals all of your hearts. With lots of tears right along with you, sending love!
Oh Julie. This made me cry. What a horrific thing for you to go through. Sending you and your family lots of love and prayers. Pepper was such a sweet girl, I enjoyed all the posts about her and her adorable face.
Julie I am so sorry to hear this. That sounds so traumatic. Sending love to your family right now.
Julie, I am so incredibly sorry. Watching your dog get attacked is absolutely terrifying. My dog and I were attacked on our walk home from dropping my daughter off at school by two German Shepherds. The owner had opened the door to let someone in just as we were passing, and the dogs bolted at us, breaking the electric fence. One went straight for my dog’s back and grabbed hold. I dropped his leash as soon as it got him to try and give him a chance to run or fight. The other dog came for me. I was somehow able to kick it in the face and pin it to the ground while I screamed for the owner as my dog was attacked. It was horrifying to watch, listen to, and even recall two years later. We were fortunate in that my dog escaped with 6 puncture wounds to his back. I still have a large scar on my knee from the incident that will likely never go away. Please consider talking to someone yourself to help heal your heart. I am so, so sorry for what you had to witness and that your precious dog was taken far too soon.
My heart breaks for you and your sweet boys! Sending prayers for comfort and strength for all of you.
Julie, I am so sorry for your loss and for the trauma you experienced. Pepper was clearly a cherished member of your family and was loved to the fullest every day of her life. As a veterinarian who has seen this scenario too many times, my heart breaks for you, Ryan, the boys, and all the veterinary staff who came to Pepper’s aid. Praying for peace for you and your family during this difficult time.
Oh Julie, my heart is absolutely breaking for you and your family. I’m praying for you all during this absolutely heartbreaking time. Your little fuzzy pepperoni always made me smile in your posts. Please take the time you need to grieve this loss 💜
Julie 😞 I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your beloved Pepper, especially in such a horrific and traumatic way. Our walks should feel safe and peaceful—especially so close to home.
I’m praying for you and your family as you navigate this unimaginable grief, and that somehow there would be some kind of justice, even though nothing could ever replace Pepper or the bond shared with her💔
If it’s ever helpful down the road, EMDR was truly life-changing for me in processing.
Praying hard for you and your family—May you feel the supernatural comfort of Jesus as He holds your beloved girl in His arms❤️🩹
I’m so sorry that you had to go through something that is so terrible. I was weeping as I read it. Our precious pets are family members and to have to witness an experience you did is just horrifying and traumatic. One thing to hang on to is that Pepper knew that she was so very loved. She had a wonderful life with all of you. I send prayers for comfort and peace, and that the time can come as quickly as possible when the happy memories of Pepper overshadow the pain and sorrow you are all feeling.
This is horrific. I’m so sorry about your little girl.
Julie- I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. I cried with you as I read what happened and I too feel sick over your family’s loss. We lost our dog in 2021 and when you got Pepper for the first time I felt like I wanted another little pup. She was just the cutest. Her life was better because of your family and I am so very sorry that her time with you was far too short. Sending lots of love to you guys.
I’m so completely devastated for you and your family.
When my dog was a puppy, she was attracted during a walk by two German shepherd. She survived because of a heroic neighbor who came out when he heard me screaming. Please file a police report. I did, and the dogs who attacked my Abbey went on to attack another dog who didn’t survive. Without my initial report, they wouldn’t have had a pattern of behavior to go by.
I’m so, so sorry you had to go through this. It is a horrifying experience and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Forgive all the typos… I wrote this on my phone without my glasses and while crying.
Heartbreaking…..my sincere condolences. A terrible tragedy for you and Ryan but your boys??? I’m praying for you all. 🙏
I am devastated for you and your family and so so sorry for your loss. I know how much she was loved. Sending hugs and healing your way.
I am just so heartbroken for you and your family Julie. That is incredibly scary and traumatic and I am so sorry you and Pepper went through that. This is one of my biggest nightmares. The next days, weeks and months will be so hard, but just focus all of that love and grief on all of the wonderful memories you made with Pepper. Watch videos, look at photos, print some and display them ♥️ Sending love and comfort to you all.
Julie, I have been crying over Pepper for the past half hour. It is just the saddest, most horrific story, and my heart absolutely breaks for you and your family. I have been following your blog for 10 years, so I feel like I know you. This is just absolutely devastating and traumatic. Reading about what you went through made me have a physical reaction so I cannot even fathom what you especially have been going through. This is truly the worst nightmare we could have for our children or pets. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your precious Pepper. I am very thankful the dog did not attack you, and I am very thankful that your boys did not witness the attack. But other than those two things, it’s just the saddest, most horrific story about the loss of a pet I have ever heard, and I am truly heartbroken for you all. I will be sending many, many prayers your way.
This is devastating and I am so so so sorry that you and your family are having to go through this. Praying for you all as you heal from this painful experience and loss.
Julie,
My heart breaks for you and your family. I will be praying for all of you.
Julie, I’m devastated for you all. Our teeny chiweenie was attacked by a German Shepherd – it was nowhere near as frightening as what you’ve experienced. So many prayers for you all! I pray healing for you especially. Witnessing this tragedy and feeling so helpless – God be with you!
I am so very sorry for your family’s loss.
Where I live what happened to your dog is a criminal offense.
Yes, I completely agree. When a dog attacks and kills another dog, they are most definitely a threat to other dogs, kids, etc.
My heart breaks for you and your family. The sadness of losing a dog cuts so deep and adding this trauma is just devastating. I hope the beauty of all of your grateful readers showing their love right now provides a little comfort.
I am so sorry Julie! I have followed you for so long and truly felt that Pepper found you to heal your heart after losing Sadie. I am so sorry for you and your family. I hope you can find healing after such trauma and profound loss. We are all crying and praying for you.
Julie, this is beyond devastating. I cried so many tears reading this post. I am so heartbroken for you and your boys. You did the best you could for your girl, I know it! I am so sorry you had to go through this. Praying for you all and so incredibly sorry for this tragic loss.
Julie,
I am so so deeply sorry about Pepper. Like everyone else said, this so truly devastating and traumatic. You and your family gave Pepper the absolute best life filled with love and in time, I hope that your wonderful memories will override this one terrible moment. So so sorry…
When I read your headline I was in disbelief. I am truly so sorry that you had to witness and experience the trauma of what happened to Pepper. Losing a pet is always hard, but when it’s so unexpected that you don’t get to say goodbye makes it so much harder to process. Sending thoughts and prayers your way as you navigate life without her. She was a dog that you weren’t planning for but filled your heart. She was oh so loved
Julie, I am so unbelievably sorry for you and your family. The pain of losing a dear pet family member is truly gut wrenching, and it never goes away. I wish I could give you a hug. There are never words for this grief. Pepper knew how much you all loved her! I am so, so sorry!!!
I am so, so sorry. What a horrible experience for you, Ryan, the boys, and Comet. There are no words. Pepper deserved better. I remember the pain of losing a pet & having to tell the kids. My heart goes out to all of you!
Julie, how absolutely horrible. I am so so sorry for your loss and that you experienced this. I am praying for you and your family. Sending love to you