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Things I’m Loving Friday #57

October 31, 2014 by Julie 1,607 Comments

Good morning and Happy Halloween!!! I hope your Friday is off to a good start. Mine certainly is thanks to two of my best friends, Merri and Ashley! They both flew in town yesterday afternoon and we spent the day exploring, eating and chatting non-stop. I am so happy to have them here! They flew…

Filed Under: Things I'm Loving Tagged With: anniversary, Charlotte, fitness apparel, Luna's Living Kitchen, Montiel, Things I'm Loving

Hi! I’m Julie and I am a mom to two energetic boys and a personal trainer and blogger living in Charlotte, North Carolina. Welcome to my blog! Peanut Butter Fingers follows my life and my interests in food, fitness, family, travel and (mostly) healthy living.

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Miscarriage is horrible and hard and painful and isolating and just when you think you’re “handling it” and “doing okay” something will smack you in the face and the grief will bubble up and you’ll find yourself breathless and crying in your car. Today’s tears began flowing as I read stories from mothers sharing their heartbreaking losses as they remember their precious babies during Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I’m so glad a day like this exists even if it is really, really sad. It helped me cry tears I clearly needed to cry. ⠀
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As I read words filled with so much longing and grief, my heart began aching and it all came rushing back. ⠀
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I thought about the first two babies we lost. I thought about the moments before my two previous D&Cs when I found myself sobbing because I knew I was moments away from never being physically close to my babies on earth again. I thought about our most recent loss. I thought about the moment I had to quickly stop playing “adventure hikers” with Chase because I felt cramping and a throbbing pain and I ended up passing our baby in the bathroom.⠀
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To be honest, I feel like I’ve handled this loss with just about as much strength as I have inside of me but for some reason today I felt the grief from our losses compound. I found myself feeling so impossibly sad that I now have three babies in heaven that I cannot snuggle and love on and chase after every day. I felt the weight of everything and began spiraling down an unhelpful road of “whys,” “should bes” and “if onlys.” I felt my strength waver. ⠀
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And then I had this thought: Maybe it’s okay NOT to be strong sometimes. Maybe it’s okay to be really sad and frustrated and angry and heartbroken. Maybe it’s okay to dissolve into tears the second I reach my car after keeping it together in public. Maybe it’s okay to feel really freaking thankful for my two wonderful healthy boys one moment and really freaking sad about the loss of three babies the next. ⠀
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I know from my past experiences that this loss will make me softer but it will also make me stronger. I may not feel that strength today or tomorrow but it will come... eventually.

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Clearly our family is on a mission to do all the fall things this year. Corn maze = Check! 🌽 (Also, I promise Ryder had fun. Swipe through for proof. He just likes to give kind strangers who take our family photo his best angry baby face. I need to make a montage of this gem of an expression because he does it EVERY time. 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️)

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Avocado Deviled Eggs! 🥑 Think the classic deviled eggs everyone loves — so they’re salty and creamy and easy to make — but with a little zesty flair! Bonus: These bad boys are healthy, too! 🌟

Find the full recipe on the blog at bit.ly/avocadodeviledeggsrecipe (swipe up link also in my Stories) and grab everything you need to make this tasty appetizer at @bjswholesale! #ad #appetizer #deviledeggs #avocado

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I am not a registered dietitian. My blog is simply a documentation of my life. The views I express are mine alone, based on my own experiences, and should not be taken as medical advice. I DO NOT post everything I eat. Though I am a certified personal trainer, the workouts I post may not be right for you. Please speak with a medical professional before making any changes to your current routine.

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Things I’m Loving Friday #57

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