The first three weeks after Chase was born, Ryan and I were almost convinced we lucked out with an “easy” baby. My mom was in town, so I had a ton of support when Ryan had to go back to work the week after Chase’s birth and I am convinced that her company coupled with Chase’s eat-sleep-eat-sleep routine tricked us into thinking life with a new baby would be much easier than anticipated.
Yes, we were up a lot in the night in the beginning, but there is a big difference between waking up to nurse and immediately returning to sleep and waking up to nurse only to have your baby cry, fuss, or want to party it up for two hours at 2 a.m. We began to experience the latter right when Chase hit four weeks old. Experienced moms told me that this was when Chase finally “woke up” and I now had a baby on my hands, not a sweet, sleepy little newborn.
I read enough during pregnancy to know that the first six weeks with a baby are supposed to be really challenging. I assumed that this meant each week would be hard, but that the weeks would get progressively easier. Week one would be the hardest, week two would get a little easier and week three would be even easier yet as we learned more about what made our baby tick and how to best meet his needs. With Chase, every week after week four has seemed to get progressively more challenging.
Right around when Chase turned four weeks old, we were introduced to the “witching hour” of inconsolable crying in the hour or two before bedtime. And then Chase no longer went back to sleep after every nighttime feeding, often resulting in two-hour stretches of rocking and soothing in the middle of the night. Chase only seemed to settle when he was being held or nursing and I was finally hit with the kind of exhaustion and frustration that brings you to tears.
And then, in the midst of the sleepless nights and days packed with poopy diapers and spit up, Chase smiled.
His eyes began to lock with mine for a little longer. His coos began to morph from fussy cries into excited squeals.
Oh yes, the screams, tears and breakdowns continue, but I know it’s all part of this incredible journey.
Chase is growing and changing every day and I feel so lucky to be able to watch my little boy enter into each new phase of his life. I feel so lucky to be able to cuddle his soft little body on my chest and when he falls asleep as I’m holding him, I often cannot help but kiss his forehead and inhale his wonderful baby smell.
Being a mom is challenging and completely consuming but it’s also, without a doubt, the most unbelievably incredible thing in the world. Chase is everything to me and each exhausting day we spend together only makes me fall deeper and deeper in love with my little boy.
{Photos 2 and 6: Brooke Whitney Photography}
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This post is written so beautifully! I love how honest you are about parenting, and willingness to share both the joys and frustrations. The latter tends to not get shared as much, and I appreciate your willingness to share the reality.
Those pictures are stunning! Chase’s smile is so infectious! You and Ryan are already incredible parents <3
My two are now almost-17 and almost 13, but I remember those early days and I still shudder. I know you’ve heard it from others, and trust us when we say it will pass. It might not feel like it at 3:32 AM, but it will. Mine both started doing better about going straight back to sleep after a nighttime feeding around 4 months.
It’s hard to feel human when your sleep is so fractured. Hang in there 🙂
Exactly! I feel so forgetful and my brain just feels foggy these days… It helps to hear others have been there!
So much truth in this post! I’m a mom of two with #3 on the way and I couldn’t have said it better myself! Hang in there! Your doing awesome and it shines through both you and Chase!
Our witching hour was from 1-4am…ahhh! Every single night for a month, except for the one extra-special night that it lasted until 5:40am. (Yes I was standing & swaying & shushing in the kitchen, tearfully watching the clock.)
But it did end! It’s been a week now of bedtime by 1am, which just feels so reasonable after living like a vampire for so long. Hooray!!
Now on to the next obstacle, which is trying to get her to take a bottle of pumped milk. Anything that worked for you? I’ve spent a tiny fortune on different bottles, none of which interest her.
1-4 a.m. is, without a doubt, our most challenging time of night, too. It’s always a bit of a crapshoot as to whether he’ll eat and sleep or eat and cry/fuss/want to play. I’ve learned to expect the unexpected right now!
Oh and for your question about bottles, Chase actually took them fairly well… I wonder if having his frenulum clipped early on helped with this transition? I was nervous about it as well. He seems to like Dr. Brown’s bottles best (with the wider nipples). Have you met with a lactation consultant? I know they specialize in breastfeeding, but they were also really helpful with tips about bottle feeding as well!
That’s a great suggestion. I did see an LC for a breastfeeding issue very early on but that was before I was even thinking about pumping and bottles. I honestly think I waited to long to introduce it. Good for you for getting Chase going already.
I love seeing all the mama advice in your comments. It may be meant for you but it’s helpful for everyone!
For what it’s worth, my baby will NOT take a bottle from me but she did fine at daycare. I’ve heard similar things from other mamas. Hope it works out for you!
Yes yes yes. To ALL of it. You’re doing a WONDERFUL job, Julie, and that little boy is so incredibly lucky to have you. Keep it up! And text me whenever you need to vent 😉 xo
So precious~
I felt the same way! Those newborns totally trick you in the first couple weeks and you think you just lucked out with the best baby on the planet, and then the witching hour hits!! I was prepared for the first several weeks to be rough, but to be honest, I thought the period between months 2-4 were the most difficult. Once my little girl wasn’t just sleeping the day away anymore, it was hard to get out of the house and I felt like the challenging newborn phase would never end. But, sometime during month 5 things started to click and now that my daughter is 6 months old I feel like she just gets more and more fun every day! It is definitely wonderful when they hit those milestones like smiling and make you feel like it’s all been worth it! What a cutie he is!
He is just too cute! I can only imagine how hard the sleepless nights are for you guys, but the difficult moments make the good ones all that much better. 🙂
I love your honesty. As beautiful as it is to be a mom it is the hardest job out there! I experienced the same thing from week 4-6, I thought it definitely got tougher but I did feel that after the first 3 months it got way easier 🙂 Enjoy your precious time with Chase!
I’ve heard wonderful things about getting to 3 months and 6 months! I’m hoping that will be a good phase for Chase, too! 🙂
I remember the witching hour. Fortunately it will pass.
An awesome baby book that really explains how babies moods work is called Healthy Sleep Happy Child. One of my main takeaways was that a baby’s fussiness peaks at 6 weeks (but that is off the original due date so Chase would be more like 8 weeks) and then gradually gets better with major improvements around the 12th week. Every baby is so different but I totally saw this pattern with all 4 of my babies! It might be worth a read…it was a lifesaver for me!
I’ve been reading that book off and on for the past two weeks and think it’s awesome. It also made me feel less alone and understand Chase’s growth a bit more. It’s great!
Oh good! You are doing a great job and it does get easier even though I know it seems like the sleepless nights are never ending!
The best and worst part of parenting is that NOTHING lasts for long – good or bad! So cherish the “easy” stretches, and bre reassured that when you’re in a tough stretch that it won’t last forever. I would recommend getting acquainted with the Wonder Weeks. I don’t think they are 100% accurate, but knowing that there are usually expected tough stretches/sleep regressions (3 weeks, 6 weeks, 4-5 months, 8-9 months, a year, 18 months, etc) over the first few years will mean you won’t be caught by surprise. What worked well for me when my baby was young was co-sleeping, nursing on demand, baby wearing, and lots of skin-to-skin. I hadn’t planned on being such a hippie mom 🙂 but it worked SO well for us and life got a million times easier once I surrendered and embraced it. And don’t worry about setting up “bad habits”; all the research shows that most of what makes a good sleeper is genetic and the approach you take to sleep had absolutely no baring on how your baby will sleep as a kid (there are some good long term longitudinal studies that support this). So do what feels good for you and Chase and it will all work out.
Life with a 4 year old isn’t any easier than life with a newborn, but it’s hard in different ways, and so, so rewarding and fun, too. Parenthood isn’t for the weak, that’s for sure! But so worth it!
I just downloaded the Wonder Weeks book the other day… Thanks for the reminder to check it out! I also downloaded the app last week and think it’s spot on so far!
The book I used when my daughter was a newborn was “Cherish the First Six Weeks” by Helen Moon. No ground-breaking differences from what you’ve been reading, but this post reminded me that she referred to Week 5 as “Hell Week.” 🙂
Luckily it’s also when you start getting those wonderful gummy smiles.
Oh I wish I would’ve read that book ahead of time!
I have an almost 6 month old boy and it gets so much better! He was incredibly fussy in the first two months and entering into months 4 and 5 I almost forgot that I used to be afraid of a screaming meltdown in the grocery store. And nights have gone from 3-4 wake ups to 0-1 on average – and right back to sleep. Plus, smiling and laughing and interacting make it so rewarding…and my husband is connecting with him on a whole new level – it’s so great to see. Hang in there – it passes sooner than you think it will. 🙂
So cute! I’m still waiting for a genuine smile from my 2-month old… adjusting for his prematurity (he was five weeks early), it’s hopefully coming soon… I told the pediatrician I need some payback/reassurance already 🙂
Just another mom who has been there chiming in. My first was a handful after the first month. I thought the same thing that we lucked out with an easy baby. Like everyone said before, it gets better and nothing lasts forever. It feels like it will never get easier but it does. My best piece of advice is to take it one day at a time. I felt so overwhelmed the first few months thinking about the future and what it would be one month from now, etc. just concentrate on making it through to the next day and pretty soon you’ll have it down. I had my second son a week before Chase (also 2 weeks early!) and I can assure the second child is so much easier. The confidence you gain with your first is a lifesaver. Best of luck!
Oh yes, every new mom has been there. It is ever-changing and they will always need you on some level which is what makes us human. 🙂 Mine are 17 and 14; I remember these days vividly. They seem endless but they pass and a new adventure is always around the corner. Enjoy the ride, Julie! It goes by in a (literally) blink.
Hi Julie! Chase is adorable, and I love how he has changed your world! Keep on sharing these types of stories with us! 🙂
“Happiest Baby on the Block” helped us so much when we went through that tough phase. Hang in there!
Awe, this made me tear up 😉 I remember those first weeks with my little one so well and am so excited to experience it again with #2 later this year <3 It is definitely some of the most challenging times, but absolutely the best of times too! Your little one is such a cutie and that smile is heart-melting <3
I’m right there with you! My son is 2 months today and the smiles make the parties at 2:30 until 3:30 worth it ! People told me ‘oh it gets easier after 6 weeks ‘ I’m not sure it’s easier or I’m just used to the lack of sleep and our ‘witching hour ‘ which for us occurs at different days every day! I just tell myself each day is a new day and can’t be worse then the day before !! Keep it up girl you got this ! You’re doing amazing !
It took longer than 6 weeks for my little guy. It took until 3-3.5 months or so. Every baby has their own timeline, but it sure has been nice getting out of the witching hour stage! It seems like forever when it’s happening, but now I hardly think about it and it was only two months ago 🙂
Julie, I understand you are prob getting tons of advice, etc, and I know I didn’t always like getting advice, so forgive me if I’m being annoying. But, during Penelope’s ‘witching hour’ what helped the most was nursing 1/2 hour before fussy time began…and sometimes she’d nurse for 2 hours (more comfort sucking and not really eating). It was tough but it got better after the first few months. I know it’s draining but try to remind yourself that this is a short time in the grand scheme of things. It helped me and I hope it helps you! Parenting is tough but trusting your instincts always helps. Hugs to you and Chase!
Agh witchinf hour! My baby girl started two nights ago! I feel bad because i had just said: we got it down, she has a good schedule and then, uh uh, the crying starts ar 5:30 and that and fussiness goes to about 10pm! Good Lord. Then shes up 2-4am! Praying for you and for me. I feel like i have a cloud for brains! But seriously i am praying hard for supernatural strength because ive heard, THIS TOO SHALL PASS. So lets hang on tight. You are closer to being done with baby chase being at 6-7 weeks right? My girl is at 5 this weekend 🙁 wahh.
Thanks for being honest tho, makes me feel human when i read that others are on the same boat.
Almost brought me to tears! I’m having my first baby in about 10 weeks and this made me even more ready to meet her!
Not sure if this was mentioned but I purchased the wonder weeks app and the book. I found it to be helpful as far as what to expect my LO to be going through and it helped me to understand the reasons why he was acting a certain way.
Congrats by the way! My LO is 4 months tmw. Being a mom is exhausting but so rewarding.
It pretty much just keeps getting better from here! 🙂
Hang in there, mama! It is tough! I have an 8 week old daughter, also my first. Around week 5-6, she went through a growth spurt which apparently is really common in that time period! She was so fussy, waking more in the night, etc. I was so discouraged and it was so hard! As soon as week 7 came along, she settled down and things got a little bit easier. The other thing that has REALLY been helpful for us is an eat, play, sleep schedule. After feeding her, we play, and within the hour, she is so tired and goes down for a nap. This has worked so well in fact that she has been sleeping through the night- 8-9 hours for the last 2 weeks. I’m not sure how she knows that it is night time, but this has worked for some of my friends, too. Each baby is so, so different, and each baby needs different things, but just wanted to share in case it could be helpful for you all! You are doing great!! He is presh!
Motherhood is so amazing and so challenging. I almost feel lucky that my first baby was my hardest because it has made the others seem easier. She didn’t even have a “sleepy newborn” phase. I spent all my nights rocking her, nursing her, singing to her, and often crying from exhaustion and frustration. Yet, somehow it all works out. Being open and talking about it like you are doing is a huge help. I definitely held too many things in and didn’t want to share just how much I struggled in those first months. And she took years to become a consistent sleeper (still wakes at least once a night at age 7), but I learned how to handle things. I learned how to talk to others, and it helped me feel less alone in the struggle. My husband was there and always encouraging, but he was a busy student with lots of homework and studying to deal with in those years. Anyway, the point of all my rambling is… you can’t expect anything based on others’ experiences, because every mom and every child is unique. What you can do is maintain perspective by enjoying the wonderful parts of motherhood, finding people to share with and relate to, and just loving that little one like you are doing. You are an amazing mom. Keep up the good work!
I thought you would get a kick out of this, just now on my Facebook feed a friend of mine “liked” and shared a photo of a couple holding hands while running what appears to be a marathon. The caption on the photo says, “This could be us but we like pizza and Netflix.” The couple are very attractive and fit and then I realized it is you and your husband! What a small world, and how crazy is that? I live in East TN but the photo was originally shared by a radio station in Indianapolis, IN, (RadioNOW 100.9). Well now you have officially gone viral! 🙂
Oh and I sure hope you get some rest soon, I’m trying to learn what I can from your posts b/c my husband and I will celebrate our 1 year anniversary on Saturday and since I’m 32, we are talking about trying to have a baby before it’s too late. But I’m terrified b/c I know NOTHING about pregnancy or raising a healthy, happy baby.
My daughter is about 11 weeks now and we had the “witching hours” every night when my husband got home from work. I ended up adjusting my diet to avoid milk and soy protein.. It’s known as a milk and soy protein intolerance (MSPI). These proteins were making my baby really upset and since cutting them from my diet she’s been much happier. It might be worth looking into if you haven’t already!
Sounds like you have gotten a normal dose of motherhood! I had a colicky baby for a LONG time (finally got off meds between 12 and 13 months) and it was really insanely hard, but I also think the hours I spent with him trying to make him laugh, comfort him, calm him have helped make my son an incredibly loving, snuggly, silly, and happy toddler. So don’t think your efforts are going unnoticed! They will come back to you more and more in the form of smiles and giggles and snuggles. All the things you are doing to chase, he will come back and do to you.
Ps. You are not the first or the last mother that will cry WITH your baby because you just can’t get him to stop crying. My husband got so used to me running errands with our son and we would return both crying because he would just start screaming in the middle of a store and scream till we got home. Online shopping is your friend!!! And target lets you nurse in their dressing rooms 😉
He is absolutely adorable! I don’t have kids yet but often think that babies (like puppies) are so darn cute to get you through those tough times. Thanks for sharing!
You hit the nail on the head when you said just when you think you have your baby figured out, everything changes! I understand why parenting is so hard.
I love your post, so similar to the experinces I have with my little girl! I love hearing other mom’s perspectives! Thanks so much for sharing 🙂
He is so darn cute! You may roll your eyes at reading this, but my second daughter is 9 months now, and knowing that she is probably my last, I sometimes pick her up and cuddle her in the middle of the night. Even though the nights are endless and you are brought to tears from exhaustion, in just a few months they no longer need you at night anymore and you kind of miss it. I don’t want to be one of those moms that says “cherish” these times, because the beginning is brutal, even “easy” babies are a tremendous amount of work. But know that having his needs met and knowing that you are there for him is creating a strong foundation of trust. I look forward to your next post!
Long time reader, first time commenter. I had a little boy in late August and am having a very similar experience. We swore we had the easiest baby ever… for the first 2 weeks. Then he seemed to “wake up” and his digestive system went all wacky. He was diagnosed with acid reflux (crazy!) and breast milk seemed to worsen the situation. We’ve switched to a special formula (which broke my heart) while I cut some things out of my diet and things seem to be getting better. But yeah, there have been days of non stop screaming and bouncing. It’s hard to believe but I do think it’s all normal newborn stuff. You’re doing great!
Sending love and support your way, too, Tara! <3
My motto has been “This too shall pass.” It’s a great motto in one way–I knew that my son would eventually sleep through the night, I knew he would eventually stop spitting up, I knew he would eventually sit up, etc. But, in the same way, with each new milestone, it proves that time is passing. and with a baby, it passes WAY too quickly!
So, as many moms have said, just remind yourself that the “bad” can’t last forever and snuggle that little baby. Before you know it, he’ll be a toddler running wild pulling off his diaper and “no” will be his favorite word 🙂
YOU CAN DO IT!
I love his smile!!
And amen to all of this <3 The tough moments are so so tough, especially in the night!! But I promise they pass….I keep telling that to myself too since my newborn won't go to bed when we want to, haha. 😉
Also, I loved Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child book–it helped us with our first and she's an incredible sleeper. Wahoo!
Have you heard of Wonder Weeks? Babies go through mental leaps that make them fussy and clingy etc as they are learning new cognitive skills. Sometimes they correspond to growth spurts… sometimes not. THere is an app too! Check it out!
Stephanie
He’s so beautiful! From my experience of a very fussy baby, co-sleeping is the answer to everything 🙂 You will both get more sleep, it saved my sanity plus it’s good for you both! http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/sleep-problems/scientific-benefits-co-sleeping
With co-sleeping you don’t have to get out of bed, you don’t have to resettle them. I actually have to use a fitbit to work out how many times my baby wakes during the night because I don’t remember. Don’t be scared to bring him to bed with you, it’s a beautiful and game changing experience if it works for your family.
For us, the 3/4 month period was the hardest. It got better after that!
Oh Julie, I SO know what you mean. We have a little guy who is now nine months, and the first four months are exactly what you describe. One thing that helped our mental health during the witching hour was to try to somehow have fun ourselves. I’d put baby in the carrier and dance away to my favourite tunes (not baby music). It actually seemed to help a bit with the crying, and our crazy dance parties lifted our spirits enough to get through it. It will get better.
Thank you, Ali! <3
So precious I can’t stand it! Such a sweet smile 🙂