Waiting

I cannot begin this blog post in any other way than with a big thank you to all of you for your thoughtful comments and incredible support on my Friday blog post. Being a blogger is kind of weird sometimes. Despite never having met the vast majority of you, I feel very connected to many of you and your words truly do touch me, especially during hard times. Your comments were so incredibly kind, compassionate and supportive and they meant so much to me (and to my family who also read them). Your emails and Snapchat messages brought me to tears. Thank you.

We hoped to receive answers to some unknowns on Friday and unfortunately we are still waiting. While I am not ready to share a lot of details in this space just yet, I do want to fill you guys in a little bit because I am so grateful for your thoughts and prayers.

A little more than a week ago, during Chase’s one year pediatric visit, we had some precautionary blood work done. Though Chase’s pediatrician has always assured us that Chase looks great and is growing well “on his own little curve,” I’ve undoubtedly let myself stress out over his small size since the moment he was born. Chase’s doctor recommended a few additional blood tests during his visit to rule out any major issues.

Early last week, I spoke with a nurse who told me that one of Chase’s blood tests (ironically not related to his small size) came back a little concerning. I’ve felt stressed out and concerned over a myriad of things related to our baby boy since he was born but speaking with the nurse about a concerning blood test was the first time I felt truly scared.

I couldn’t stop the tears and within an hour, we were back at the pediatrician’s office on Tuesday to meet with our doctor and undergo some follow up blood tests.

And that is where we are right now. Waiting.

Waiting and praying and believing in the good.

Friday was a tough day because I was told that we’d likely receive the results from Chase’s follow up blood work “by Friday at the latest.” I obsessively checked my phone and eventually, at 4 p.m., I spoke with a nurse who told me she reached out to the lab who explained that one of Chase’s tests was more involved and results would likely not be available until Monday or Tuesday. While I was disappointed to hear this, I also felt myself exhale as I realized I let myself get in my head and worry about the reasons why it was taking so long to get Chase’s results back.

The waiting is hard. The unknown is harder. But I know in my heart we are waiting on GOOD news. I believe this with all that I am. When I picture the phone call from our pediatrician’s office, I imagine myself receiving only good news.

I am taking my cues from Chase. He is strong, energetic, joyful and happy and I should be too. I look at my baby boy and see what I already know in my heart is true: He is fine. He will be fine.

I just want those darn blood tests to confirm it.