Chivalry

Tuesdays = Cardio = Sweaty

Another super schweaty workout!

Today’s workout began on the treadmill with this 25-minute doozy:

 

Minutes Incline Pace
0-5 5.0 3.8
5-10 1.0 6.5
10-20 1.0 Alternating 4.5 for one minute with 8.0 for one minute
20-25 8.0 4.0

…followed by 10 minutes on the stair master and 15 minutes on the elliptical.

Once my workout was done, I headed upstairs to find Ryan in the weights room. As I was walking up the stairs, he was walking down the stairs – perfect timing! I motioned for him to go in front of me, saying, “Ladies first,” because I’m nice like that. Winking smile

Ryan then told me that he learned that as a man, he should walk in front of a woman walking down the stairs in case she falls, so he could be there to brace her fall. I then said, “So I guess you walk behind the woman when she’s walking up the stairs in case she falls backward, right?”

His reply? “No. We walk behind her walking up the stairs for the view.” How charming. He’s a butt guy fo’ sho’. (And, as a proud member of the IBTC, thank goodness.)

Breakfast

When it came time to decide what to make for breakfast this morning, the decision was an easy one thanks to all of the fresh summer berries I had on hand.

Oatmeal and summer berry parfait, please!

oatmeal parfait 012

I layered Greek yogurt with cold oatmeal, raspberries, blueberries and sliced strawberries to make the parfait.

oatmeal parfait 008

It looked like the Fourth of July!  

Chivalry

My discussion with Ryan this morning about walking in front of a woman who is walking down stairs to ensure her safety got me thinking about chivalry on my morning walk with Sadie.

I consider myself a fairly independent person, but I’ve always, always appreciated traditional chivalrous gestures. I think they’re polite, respectful and courteous and should Ryan and I ever have a son, I want to raise a boy who opens doors for women, offers his coat to a woman who is cold and helps carry luggage at the airport. (Of course I would also want to raise a helpful and courteous daughter.)

During my family’s vacation to Europe last May, my sister and I were constantly impressed with one of the husbands on our trip. He was incredibly attentive to his wife, always helped people load and unload luggage and went the extra mile to make sure his wife was safe and comfortable. Leslie and I actually asked him if his parents engrained that in him or if it was an effort on his part. He said it “wasn’t an option.” Apparently his dad taught him that women are to be treated with respect and adoration.

While I appreciate it when Ryan opens a door for me, I feel totally awkward when guys open and close car doors for me. It makes me feel pretentious and just plain silly (unless they simply beat you to the car door after a date and open it for you to hop in). Still, I’m all for chivalrous acts. I don’t think they belittle women, but rather show that a man respects a woman enough to go out of his way to help her.

Question of the Morning

  • Do you appreciate chivalrous gestures? Why or why not?

Comments

  1. says

    i loveeee chivalrous gestures… like opening the door for a date or girl and all of that.. im defs independent so i wnt them to order for me and those sorts of things, but little things i love!!
    love ur cardio day 😀

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  2. Mimi says

    I don’t think guys have to be over the top, but I definitely appreciate the little things. For example, when we’re walking or running on the street, my fiance always run on the side closest to the street. He also insists on sleeping closest to the door in our bed so that he can “protect me.”

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  3. says

    I totally appreciate chivalrous acts. I am a little old school in all my thinking though, so it’s not surprising. I would rather a guy that is too gentlemanly than the opposite. I feel like there aren’t as many guys that know how to treat a woman these days. Of course, I don’t totally blame the guys, I think women have let men get away with acting like jerks, so we’re not helping the situation either.

    PS- love the all-American parfait! Perfect for July 4th :)

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  4. Liz @ Blog is the New black says

    I think chivalry is nice. It shows good manners and that you were raised well. But, I have the same expecations for females, too. (In so far as holding doors, etc.!)

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  5. says

    I hear you on the IBTC thang – and my man seems to have the same interests as Ryan! 😉 He is a gentleman though, and I was impressed on our first date and even these days how he always opens doors for me and other sweet little things that really mean a lot to me!

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  6. says

    I love any and all acts of chivalry! I’ve never been a feminist and believe there really ARE some things guys should do and girls shouldnt HAVE to do. Garbage duty is one of them lol

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  7. cait says

    so love this Julie :) I def agree with you I appreciate boys being chivarly. My fiance on our first date, I said that it wasn’t going to be a ‘date’ yet he still payed, opened the door for me, and picked me up at the door, all because he said his dad ‘raised him to respect and care for any woman, dating or not’ He’s def one of those guys that will do anything and everything for not just me, but any of his friends that are woman. It makes me feel so proud and hopefully will raise our kids (sons if it happens) the same way :)

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  8. says

    Haha, I always thought men walked behind women so they could look at their tush while they walk up!

    I agree, I believe chivalry will always exist as long as father’s raise their sons to be a gentleman. After all, the men who were raised that way are the ones we all want!

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  9. says

    I do like acts of chivalry up to a point. I like when guys hold doors open for me and things of that nature. But opening and closing the car door is a bit much for me. That makes me feel uncomfortable.

    Love the breakfast parfait! So pretty :)

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  10. jen @ taste life says

    I do appreciate some chivalrous gestures. When we go hiking I like it if my guy checks to see if I need help getting up a steep rock and makes sure everything is okay. I like to feel like my guy is looking out for me because he cares, not because he thinks I can’t do something myself. That’s when I don’t like chivalry!

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  11. Nami says

    I couldnt agree more. When I have a son I want to teach him all of these things as well. my fiance is very chivalrous, and I love that about him. He’ll open car dorrs for me (mostly on dates or special occasions, bu sometimes just because.) And he always gets the door for me. I dont think its pretentious. It makes me feel like he really cares anout me and my well being.

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  12. says

    I would say my husband is more thoughtful than chivalrous. He really does think of everyone else first. He was completely raised that way (his whole family is like that). So not only do I have a great husband, but great in-laws too :)

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  13. says

    Um can I just say that your breakfast looks amazing???

    About chivalry, I definitely appreciate it, but sometimes too much makes me feel sort of uncomfortable….

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  14. Katelyn @ Chef Katelyn says

    I love chivalry. It shows that a man is there for YOU not for your goods. Ryan sounds like such a sweetheart, and I agree 100% — should I ever have a son, I will raise him to be a chivalrous prince <3

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  15. Jillian says

    I’m on the same page – I absolutely love chivalrous geusture and my mom always taught me to look for certain qualities in a guy to see if they are worthy enough of me, hehe. #1 Opening the car door! #2 Coming to the door the take me out (instead of just waiting in the driveway) #3 and ALWAYS ALWAYS greeting my parents when he walks into the house.

    I moved to Atlanta 7 months ago and it’s definitely nice to see some Southern gentleman down here. Although my boyfriend is from the North, he has always taken very good care of me.

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  16. says

    I think certain gestures are really nice, like opening doors, but if the guy is always finding ways to help me and it gets too much, then I’d start to feel a little helpless. Like I couldn’t take care of myself!

    And LOL I loved your tweet on Ashley’s bazoombas last night. I was pretty confused too, since I am also a member of the IBTC 😉

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  17. says

    way to rock that treadmill this morning and that parfait looks delicious!! :)

    when it comes to acts of chivalry i really appreciate the opening of doors, pulling my chair out, and things like that, but like you said it makes me feel sort of awkward at the same time! i feel like it’s really sweet but at the same time i don’t want them to think that i’m some sort of prissy princess. lol. i guess i’m more just self-conscious that people will think i’m high maintenance, but i think that’s mostly in my head. that said, i HATE people who just order for me, when it comes to my plate leave the decisions up to me…recommendations welcome but i make up my own mind for the final cut. :)

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  18. Yolie @ Practising Wellness says

    Hahahaha! Loved Ryan’s comment about the view from behind – so funny! I’m in a coffee shop right now on my laptop and it made me laugh out loud – and probably look very silly! But totally worth it! 😀 I love chivalrous gestures – they make me feel special, and they’re nice and thoughtful :-) xyx

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  19. says

    I do appreciate chivalry…I am Southern girl through & through….BUT it is hard to find these days!

    Your breakfast looks great! I am still anticipating your muffin recipe 😉

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  20. says

    I LOVE chivalry! It will never die in my mind. I think I am very old-fashioned in this respect, but have been raised by parents who were a perfect example of respect, attentive relationship behaviors, and overall “gender roles” from back in the day.

    I do have to say that it is very important for a man to be attentive, and that is something that doesn’t even apply to chivalry! Also, I agree that car doors seem silly and stuff but I would rather feel silly than neglected! :-)

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  21. says

    I love chivalrous gestures! One thing my boyfriend told me is that it makes him feel good to do those things so even when I feel like I can do something myself, (open close the car door) I let him. I dont usually mind, and I think it’s cute, and I have friends who are dating guys who don’t take the time to do those things so it makes me even more appreciative.

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  22. says

    There are many times when I am out with Craig when I think twice “that was nice of you.” It is not uncommon for him to grab most of the grocries or all of the heavy items, put his sweater or jacket around me when I am cold without me saying anything, always opening the door for me..I consider myself a pretty independent person as well, but when it comes to the important stuff (buying a car, investing money, etc.) Craig always feels the need to step up and take charge. I really feel protective with him. One act of chivarly though that he does not do is push my chair out for me. I think he has done it a few times and I have told him that it makes me feel a little dumb…just does lol!

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  23. says

    I definitely appreciate chivalrous gestures. It’s like that bank commercial where one person sees someone do one nice thing and then they do a nice thing in return – I’m a big believer in that. If you treat people nicely, they’re more likely to pass it on (or give it back!)

    Unfortunately working in NYC you don’t see a lot of it! Haha.

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  24. Erin @ Naturally Addicted says

    I love chivalry and I think it’s important! It’s what sets some guys apart and I agree it shows they are willing to go out of their way for you. The one thing I do still wish is that men would court women like they used to 😉

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  25. says

    I appreciate them to an extent. Like you said yes, open the mall door for me, but the car door – maybe a little too much I am a grown up 😉
    If I have a boy I also want to raise them to make sure they are aware of these simple gestures :)

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  26. says

    Though I’m really independent, I love it when Dan does “what guys are supposed to do.” I find it to be a subtle way that he says I love you by just opening doors for me, carrying the grocery bags, etc. It makes me feel so protected!

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  27. says

    I’m from the South, so ladies and gentlemen must have manners! It’s just par for the course. My mother-in-law gets mad at my husband if he doesn’t open the car door for me. The simple things really go a long way in my book.

    BTW, I laughed out loud reading your reference to the IBTC…right there with ya, girl! :)

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  28. says

    Hi, fairly new reader :) Workout looked awesome! And so did breakfast. I like it when my husband opens the dor for me :) It makes it feel like we’re still somewhat in the dating stage, rather than the married with a kid stage :)

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  29. says

    I love chivalry! As long as a guy is doing it for the right reasons- if they stop doing it after they’ve “won” you over then I don’t like it because it’s not real. Thankfully, my boyfriend still does all of the nice things for me. It’s so cute because his mom is always telling him to make sure that he still does them. I’m glad he listens :).

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  30. Brittany says

    I love when my boyfriend does chivalrous things like discreetly pulling the chair out for me at a restaurant. He also always offers to carry my luggage or groceries for me and for that I am eternally grateful. I can carry it myself if I choose but its nice of him to want to help. Oh, and at the school I go to it is pretty well-known that you ALWAYS hold the door for the person behind you, whether they’re two feet away or 20. I really hope this doesn’t fizzle out with future generations because its such an easy act of kindness that people really notice.

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  31. Rachel says

    I appreciate some chivalrous gestures for sure! My husband is a gentleman when it comes to opening doors (but only car doors rarely), offering me a jacket, running on the street side, etc. He also takes charge in difficult situations (like confronting our landlord about a problem) which I appreciate. His mama definitely taught him right. :) He tells me that treating me with this kind of respect is second nature for him.

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  32. says

    Great topic Julie!!! I’m on the same page as you – I appreciate it and I think it’s kind and courteous. These days (and I hate saying that because I feel like it’s what old people say!) a lot of the chivalrous gestures like holding doors etc are pretty rare amongst the groups of guys I know, so it’s actually sort of surprising when a guy actually DOES do it. I won’t complain! :)

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    • Courtney @ Girl In The Pink says

      I’m all for chivalry, but that seems extreme haha. I wouldn’t want to miss out on a good guy by acting pretentious!!

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  33. says

    Hi Julie!

    We had a lady come to my sorority last year to speak on modern day chivalry and we were told if a guy doesn’t open the door for you at a car you should just wait until he does. I then thought of how funny it would be waiting patiently outside a car door for a guy already inside who was probably wondering what I wad doing just standing out there.. And how high mantenance he would think once he found out what I was doing. Good luck lady… I don’t need a guy to open a car door for me and I certainly wouldn’t wait awkwardly outside of one just prove a point in the name of chivalry. :)

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  34. says

    Ah, if I could find a way to make all my meals Red, White, and Blue for the next few days, I would. I just imagine it’d make for very odd looking sandwiches and the vegetable options would be low (Blueberry Tomato Whipped Cream Sammies, anyone?)

    I like chivalry to a certain extent but I know it bugs my beau since he’s a good southern boy and I’m a fiercely independent lady. Once, when I had a broken foot, he came home to find me laying at the foot of my bed, having fallen down trying to carry a plate full of burger and sweet potato fries in one hand and a full glass of water in the other, and hopping back to the room on one foot.

    He just shook his head, helped me up, and tried not to laugh.

    There are definitely times when this Miss Independent could afford accepting the chivalry of her knight in shining armor.

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  35. says

    I LOVE little acts of chivalry! I agree wit h you that it does not belittle women, it makes us feel respected and special. Of course, I hold doors open for people to be courteous and allow people to go in front of me, but it still feels great when someone does something chivalrous for me!!

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  36. says

    I love all the little things my husband does, he always makes sure I’m happy. On our first date the car door thing threw me simply because he was the first to ever do it, now because of loading up kids all the time he cant but when we go on a date it just makes the night more special for me.

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  37. Lindsey @ Cardio Pizza says

    I definitely appreciate a thoughtful gesture, it’s always a nice surprise.

    By the way, your breakfast is so beautiful today! I love the colors and textures. :)

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  38. says

    I love it! I love when Keith goes out of his way to be a gentleman. He always holds my chair for me, opens my car door and lets me have the last bite of dessert! :)

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  39. says

    I definitely appreciate little acts of chivalry — it’s how I knew my boyfriend was a keeper! Before him, I settled for guys who disrespected me and took me for granted. I knew Dustin was different when he automatically does chivalrous things without even thinking about it — he opens doors for me, carries luggage, walks closer to the street, etc. 2.5 years later, he still does these things every day and ALWAYS tries to beat me to the car so he can open the door for me. It’s a little game he loves to play now.

    The best part is when he does it for other people, though, not just me. He’ll open a restaurant door for me, but if there’s even a party of 10 behind me, he’ll wait and hold the door open for all of them to go through first! I think it shows a lot of character about him, and I get a ton of compliments about what a great guy I snagged :)

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  40. Laura says

    I’m very independent, but I LOVE chivalrous acts! I appreciate them so much more having gone to a southern university where guys ALWAYS opened doors for girls. I feel like it’s silly to sit in the car to wait for a guy to open the car door for me, but I do appreciate it when he opens it for me when I’m getting IN the car, and I like having doors opened for me or guys letting women in/out of the elevator first.

    I don’t expect it to happen all the time, but it’s nice for guys to go the extra mile to be kind and polite.

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  41. says

    Attentiveness is one of my fave qualities in a man… so though I also consider myself independent, I am always a fan when a guy shows he is thinking of others…especially his lover!

    Chivalry all the way! (to a degree…some things I would feel awkward about if someone did for me all the time.)

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  42. says

    I do appreciate chivalry on occasion.. but I also like to prove my independence.. I will lug ALL my luggage through the airport.. just to prove that I can. I can be stubborn like that.. quite often!

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  43. says

    Such a coincidence that you wrote about this today as one of my girlfriends just forwarded me this recent huff post article on chivalry as a form of sexism:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/27/men-dont-recognize-benevolent-sexism_n_885430.html

    it’s definitely something interesting to think about, however, at the end of the day, I think when a gentleman opens a door for a woman he’s not trying to suggest that she can’t do it herself! It’s simply an easy way to show that you respect someone and want to make them comfortable. If someone finds that offensive, they should probably chilllll out.

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  44. Gabe says

    I only moved to the US in November, but one of the first things I noticed about the men here is how courteous and chivalrous they were, unlike the men from back home. I love it and dont think it belittles or decreases a females independence, rather I think its a reflection and showing respect.

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  45. says

    I used to feel totally awkward when a guy was chivalrous, but I have learned to really like it. It’s rare to find someone who has the kindness and decency to pull out all the stops — so when it happens, I love it :)

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  46. Natalie S. says

    I appreciate chivalry, but I don’t think it’s a one-way street. Like your friend said, it’s about respect and adoration — and I respect and adore my boyfriend as well. So while I do love him treating me to dinner once in a while, I do the same thing for him now and then. We respect and adore each other in different ways.

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  47. says

    Hahah I had to Google “IBTC.” At work – I hope my IT guy gets to see that one. :)

    I am a chivalry-loving feminist, to be sure. In my opinion, an honest man making a chivalrous gesture isn’t doing it just “because she’s a woman,” but rather to be respectful and courteous and just an all-around good human being. And that’s sexy, any way you slice it.

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  48. says

    My husband and I have very traditional roles in our marraige and I love when he acts chivalrous… but then again I am very independent as well so there is a definetly a line when it is cute and sweet vs. when it is awkward. Like I totally agree about the closing and opening of car door thing you mentioned!

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  49. says

    Love the pretty parfait. Everything looks better in a wine glass!

    On chivalry, while I consider myself very independent, like you, and mostly non-traditional, I’m a big fan of chivalrous gestures….Quite honestly, I’ve just met one too many “jerks” and I fully appreciate men who treat women special! The man that sweeps me off my feet (let’s hope soon ;-)) will definitely show me a little chivalry every now and then!

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  50. says

    I love chivalry, and I don’t think it degrades women at all. I love when my boyfriend Max “protects” me when it is really crowded (like in a concert). I also think it goes the other way around though. I try to do nice things for him, like randomly bake cookies.
    P.S. I am also part of the IBTC, and I am so glad that Max is a leg man or I would be screwed. On the bright side I don’t need to wear a bra if I don’t feel like it hahaha, if that even is a bright side…

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  51. says

    I love chivalrous gestures! I wish more guys were raised that way – I’m extremely independent, but there is nothing nicer than being adored and respected.

    The absolute cutest act of chivalry I’ve ever seen was while sitting in an ice cream shop on a corner – both walls were completely windows so you could see outside. Out of the corner of my eye I see a very very old couple leaving the movie theater… they had to walk so slow it took them enough time to walk around the corner that I had placed my order, consumed my order, and paid for my order. As I paid, I saw that they had finally made it to their car parked in the handicap spot with the ramp. The gentleman walked his wife down the ramp and all the way around the car to her side where he opened the door for her before taking another 5min walk back around to his side. He easily could have just gotten in his side of the car first – which was closest, but he took the time to walk her around and it was absoluetly beautiful :) They were still SO in love after so many years!

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  52. ally@girlvfood says

    I absolutely LOVE chivalry. I don’t see it as an independence deterrent. When I was dating my previous boyfriend, on our first date he stood up when I came into the restaurant. It was SO sweet!

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  53. says

    I love chilvalry, and it is not dead! My husband and I have been married for a year and a half but have been together for seven and a half years. I cannot count on one hand how many times I have opened my own car door when he and I are together. Since our first date he has opened the car door for me. When we go into a building he opens the door for me, then continues to hold it for any other man or woman to enter. I am not sure where he gets it from but I love his sweet actions. I love that Neil puts me on the inside and he walks closest to the street. I love that he places his hand on the small of my back to lead me into a room. I love that he gives me his hand to walk down a set of bleechers. We will for sure be teaching our future children about chivalry and how to appreciate a man’s kindness in that respect.

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  54. skinnyrunner says

    im all about forcing my husband to do stuff for me… of course its probably not chivalrious when you’re strong arming them…

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  55. says

    I agree with you, Julie. I think we should ALL be kind and respectful to each other, but I definitely appreciate when a man show some chivalry towards a woman. My husband is always kind and considerate to me. And I, in turn, show him the respect that I believe he deserves. It works both ways! =)

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  56. BeckyH says

    Hi, this is my first time commenting =) I love your blog!

    I think there is a difference between a man doing something for a woman (and vice versa) because they think that the person can’t do it for themselves = wrong

    Or, when my husband does sweet things for me because he loves me. Like opening up the car door on date night (b/c he knows it makes me uncomfortable otherwise), helping out with my luggage, holding my hand in the dark etc. =)

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  57. says

    With all this talk about male chivalry, what about the woman who unlocks the driver’s side door when her date lets her in the car first? (although now that might be a little different with automatic locks and what not.) my father always taught me that a good woman does that. i guess he watched A Bronx Tale one too many times 😉

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  58. says

    I’m all for chivalry for the most part. Opening doors, pulling out chairs, it’s all nice. When I was in Europe though, I definitely noticed they go further with the chivalry thing and it did make me a bit uncomfortable at times. I think anything out of the ordinary makes me feel belittled. It’s hard to draw the line though.

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  59. Erin says

    I’ve asked Austin where he learned it (besides his amazing dad of course!) and he said they learned a lot of it as pledges in their SAE Phoenix! Don’tcha just love a “true gentleman?” :)

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  60. says

    Absolutely … and I HATE women who say … “well I like this but I hate that and he should never do THIS”. It’s a little like a guy coming home and saying …. “I love when you clean the kitchen but I really would rather you sponge off the counter like THIS and by the way when you bring in the mail everyday could you put it in the office like THAT”. And before women jump all over me …. it IS KIND OF THE SAME THING. Hold on ….. think about it for a second. Both examples don’t HURT a person physically and they are both just PREFERENCES. But sometimes having preferences on people’s behaviors that are ALREADY a privilege NOT a RIGHT … can backfire. Sometimes I think people have gotten a little RIGHTEOUS about their right to free speech. We of course should always exercise free speech … but sometimes its a little “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” …. LOVE THAT BOOK by the way :-). Sometimes a nice please and thank you with NO NAGS OR DEMANDS can be a refreshingly fresh breath of air. Pick your battles people … a nice gesture can sometimes be JUST a nice gesture. And if we get all nit picky about it … they might just stop doing it all together! So yes … I like chivalry … and if it’s done with good intention … then all he will hear from me is a THANK YOU. Sometimes you just gotta suck it up! :-)

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      • says

        Ok. I will make it simple for ya. Chivalry is a gift. No one HAS to be chivalrous. Take it or leave it. But don’t expect to be able to CONTROL it. I just get annoyed when people try and pick and choose behaviors from other people … especially when it comes with good intention. There is enough BAD behavior in this world … if someone wants to do something nice or chivalrous … just TAKE IT ALREADY. Just my opinion … not a rant .. just apparently not yours.

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  61. says

    I love chivalrous acts and they certainly make me feel special and loved. Although I would much rather Peter help me with something other than my car door too.

    And our two boys would get along great. “The view” comment is so something Peter would say. He’s a butt guy all the way as well!

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  62. says

    What a great question! I think we all want to be offered those small chivalrous gestures. The guy doesn’t have to throw his coat down over a puddle but opening the door or offering a hand with groceries or whatever are absolutely appreciated!

    If I ever have a son, I hope to raise him with those values because you just don’t see it enough. I was working the other day and helped a few kids find books they were looking for. The oldest boy couldn’t have been more than nine or ten. But he said “Thank you, miss. Have a nice night.” I was totally blown away-
    And I complimented his mom, for sure! :)

    Why does there seem to be a lack of these guys? The chivalrous ones AND the IBTC members. Where does one find a great guy like your Ryan, Julie?

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  63. says

    I LOVE chivalry! Which is one of the reasons hardcore feminists bother me. There is nothing wrong with a man opening a door for you or helping you carry your luggage. Being from Texas, it’s hard to find a man who DOESN’T open your door for you but when I went to school in Missouri, they were few and far between.

    I agree with the car door thing. My brother-in-law always, and i mean EVERY TIME, opens the car door for my sister and they have been married for almost 4 years. My boyfriend does it on occasion, and I mean very randomly so I like that, it’s always a nice surprise..but if he were to do it EVERY TIME, I would get seriously annoyed.

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  64. says

    I am a pretty independent person as well, so I tend to do lots of things on my own, even with my fiance around. He gets a little annoyed because he wants to do certain things for me (carry grocery bags, open doors, etc.). I think chivalry is nice, but sometimes I feel uncomfortable when he starts doing really simple things for me that I can easily do myself…it makes me feel incapable. It’s often a point of discussion in our relationship, so I’m working on letting go a bit. :)

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  65. says

    First of all, good for Ryan for being honest. Loved his response.

    Second of all, I am super independent, but I love the traditional chivalrous gestures—at least within reason. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend opening the door for me every. single. day (like, when we’re going to the grocery store), but I do appreciate when he helps me with my bags, offers me his sweatshirt, etc. I like being cared for and about—who doesn’t?!

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  66. says

    I consider myself to be independent but also appreciate chivalrous gestures. Opening doors, standing up to greet a new person at the table, allowing a woman to walk into a place first, etc. Unfortunately my boyfriend is terrible at all of the above! He’s gotten better but just wasn’t raised to do any of these things.
    I also appreciate good manners in general – I was brought up to be very polite company and when I recognize that life skill in someone else, it pleases me.

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  67. says

    I definitely appreciate chivalry. While traveling in Italy last year, I had the misfortune of a huge bag and lots of steps…men came out of the woodwork and would carry my bag up and down steps. I loved it!

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  68. says

    I love chivalry! My husband is the type who always offers to help the hostess when we are at parties, and usually opens the doors for me! I love it because I never saw my dad doing it for my mom, and that always made me sad. My cousin is getting married next month and her fiance is the least chivalrous man I’ve ever met. He’ll let doors slam in her face, never offers to help, etc. It makes me appreciate my husband soooo much!

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  69. says

    Chivalry is not an option for the guys I date. I was brought up to expect my door to be opened and the heavy things to be lifted, and maybe that’s old-fashioned, but I think it’s the way things should be. I think there’s some times when chivalry is outdated- for instance, expecting your boyfriend to pay for you every time- but in general it’s the little things that show how much they appreciate you!

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  70. says

    My boyfriend is all about chilvarly in a non-overwhelming way. He always opens doors for me, offers me his jacket, etc. I love that we have a such a mutual respect for each other.

    About the car door, he always opens is for me. I used to reach to open it myself but he would “yell” at me. So now I let him walk with me to my door and open it…but in return I always try to lean over and open his door from the inside. :)

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  71. says

    I am so old fashioned so I love men who are chivalrous! My husband does a great job at it, he is awesome. And my dad definitely taught my brother to treat women right. If he ever hit any of us girls when we were little, you better believe he was in a lot more trouble than any of us! I hope my future sons will be the same way.

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  72. Amy D says

    I must say I have a new found appreciation for chivalry. Just the other day I was having a father/daughter day and my Dad stopped to fill up the car with gas. While we were there a woman pulled up dressed in a formal and it was obvious that she had spent some time getting ready so my dad offered to help her fill up her car with gas. (we also live in Texas and it was reading 108 in our car) She yelled at him for a few minutes that she was fully able to fill her car up with gas and she did not need a man to help her. My dad then calmly explained that he was a father of 3 daughters and he knew exactly what went into getting ready for a formal event and he was merely offering to help a kind gesture so she did not ruin her hair, make up and dress. the girl then got in her car and sped off with out filling up for gas. I just laughed and so did my Dad!!

    I have grown up with a father, step brother and cousins who are all very chivalrous, and they do not mean it in a belittling way, but as a form of respect. Now they do not open my door every time I get in the car, that would be weird, but on the rare Sunday morning when we all get to go to church together I will totally accept them opening my door or late at night walking me to my car because it is right and safe thing for a guy to do. At the same time I show them respect. In my world chivalry is kind gesture the is appreciated and brightens my day just a little :)

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  73. Laura (Cookies vs. Carrots) says

    I totally agree with you! I love having the door opened for me, or a jacket offered, but the car door is too much. It just isn’t efficient, and I end up feeling awkward while I sit there.

    I’ve also heard of husbands pumping their wife’s gas for them. I’ve had several girls from my town tell me that since they got married they have never pumped their own gas. There husbands take their cars on Sunday and fill them up. I think that is crazy! What do you think? Does Ryan do this?

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  74. Mark says

    THIS guy’s viewpoint: chivalry is nowhere close to dead. I DO appreciate a woman who is independent, but I also like one that isn’t resistant to chivalry. These manners were practically pounded into me by my dad, and I constantly find myself asking “What would Dad think?” when interacting with females. I’ve even been known to chastise other guys when I catch them slippin’ up. So, you can bet your ass I’m opening doors(cars too!), walking the road side of the sidewalk, and pulling out chairs. 😉 KUDOS to Ryan!!

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  75. says

    I don’t like the car door thing either. My husband’s dad does it for his mom, which I think is cute though.

    But, sometimes I wish my husband was more chivalrous that he is. I had one of those hand baskets at Publix the other day, and he picked up 5 cans of tuna and put them in the basket I was carrying which was already full. I was like…really? You can’t carry 5 cans of tuna so my already heavy basket isn’t heavier?

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  76. says

    I appreciate it for sure. Although I can see that its also indicative of other behaviours I feel like it is a sign of respect and isn’t specific to one gender.

    Just last week a really young man (about 19 or so) held the door open for me, and then the inside door, then the elevator. I made a joke to him about it being the never ending task and he replied “its just how I was raised” so adorable :)

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  77. says

    I an a fan of chivalry. I am super independent too, but whenever Adam does something like give me his coat or open a door for me. I still melt just a little. I agree about the car door thing though- that is strange to me. I think that chivalry is certainly dying, but I am lucky that Adam is sweet like that. He even walks of the road side of the street in case a car gets out of control. He also likes to sit facing the door when we are out so he can spot danger if it walks in. That may also be the cop in him…who knows!

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  78. says

    Yay for chivalry! As long as it’s done out of respect and thoughfulness and not “oh just let me do it” or you’re welcome now you owe me.”

    My husband and I have been together nine years and married almost two. His family even laughs at him and calls him whipped because he always opens my door (car, restaurant, etc)–so it wasn’t instilled in him from them. He always just laughs and says he has always done that for women and he certainly wouldn’t change it for me. He also likes to add that chivalry was a great wingman–it always helped him with the ladies 😉 I roll my eyes but it proves positive reinforcement works better than negative! LOL

    And I think it’s important as a recipient to also be respectful and courteous AND to have some lady chivalry when you can. Say thank you genuinely when your door is opened, don’t expect it or have an attitude about it if it’s not one time. When I’m by myself and there is someone else who could use a hand (lady with a stroller in a doorway, etc) I try to help, too.

    Being aware of your surroundings, keeping good intentions and mutual respect are defintely the things I value.

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  79. Ashley says

    I’m totally in your boat – I love chivalry to an extent, but I’m not about to sit in the car and wait for him to open the door for me. More than anything, it seems like a waste of time! I mean, I’m perfectly able and capable of opening my own door, so why am I going to sit there and wait for him to do it for me? But if we’re walking to the car and he beats me to the door, I think it’s great. He totally walks on the sidewalk between me and the cars, or if there’s a guy walking on the street, he’ll usually move himself so he’s walking between us to “protect” me =) It’s pretty cute.

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  80. says

    I’m all for independence of women and all, but that doesn’t necessarily exclude chivalry! I definitely appreciate it, especially considering that nowadays gentlemen are hard to find. 😉

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  81. says

    I love chivalry, and my boy-friend is very strict to the “it’s the right thing to do” opinion when it comes to it. It’s funny sometimes he’ll even open the car door for our girl-friends because it’s just such a habit for him to do now. I make sure to always be polite and say thank you anytime he goes out of his way to do something for me because THAT’S the right thing to do. I hate when girls have a good boy-friend and allow every nice thing he does to go unnoticed *grrr*.

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  82. says

    I’m a fan of chivalry! <3 I think it's sweet.

    I think that when you are in a relationship with someone, they get that special part of you… My fiance Tyler is extra goofy with me, romantic with me, and so caring towards me… & although he is nice to others… no one gets that part of him like I do… so I love that! I think doing things like protecting the girl, opening car doors every once and a while, etc. are sweet.

    If it was some random guy doing that for me… I'd probally not like it… but when Ty does things like that.. it makes me feel special!

    ps. what is IBTC?

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  83. Katie says

    I’m all for just plain respecting other people. I’m like you with the car door thing and it makes me feel weird, but I would appreciate it (same as pulling out my chair). But I hold doors for men or women coming in behind me and that sorta thing. I think it’s just respectful! And saying please, thank you, waving when people let you in when you’re edriving, etc. I love polite and kind acts! It makes the day so much better.

    As for chivalry, it’s greatly appreciated. My bf said he sleeps on the side closer to the door to make sure I’m safe (just in case). I had never known this was why and I thought it was so sweet! But I would hate if I couldn’t do similar, thoughtful things for him.

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  84. Marta says

    This actually reminds me of a discussion that comes up quite often among women where I live (DC). Usually, on the bus and the metro, you will find plenty of twenty-something men sitting down and pretending to look down as an older person gets on the bus or a woman with children. It is (almost) always the women who offer to give up their seats.

    Some of my male friends talk about “equality” between men and women as the reason…but I don’t see it as a matter of equality as much as a matter of decency.

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  85. says

    I love parfaits! They are the perfect breakfast or snack!

    Just reading about your workout makes me tired!

    I am a pretty independent girl, but I do appreciate a chivalrous act every now and then.

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  86. Linda says

    I was Miss Independant before I met my hubby. I never let guys open doors for me thinking that I wasn’t a helpless little girl. But when I met hubby he opened doors for me including the car door. I told him I didn’t need him to do that and he said he knew but he wanted to treat me right and pamper me. It’s not that I’m not able, it’s his way of showing he cares about me. He also orders my meals for me in a restaurant which I think is so adorable!

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  87. Danielle says

    I love it! My husband is not over the top with it but when he does do it, it makes me feel so special. I love the feeling of being protected. I think it’s sweet. He easily forgets the car door though which drives me nuts cause he has stupid Lamborghini style doors (not the car itself) that you have to open and lift up to get in. I hate those doors and they are heavy. I am constantly reminding him to open those doors for me. I am however the kind of gal who constantly beats him to doors so I’m usually the one holding them for him. I was shocked when my I first met friend’s son who was I think 12 at the time. It was a birthday party and after he let me in the house he offered to put my purse away and offered me a drink. I was like WTF? She said she made sure he was raised to treat a woman with respect. She said he had been opening doors for her for a while now.

    I do believe it’s more about respect then anything. We should all offer each other respect.

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  88. says

    I am all for chivalry. I went on a few first dates where the guy didn’t walk me to my door after a date, and that was the end of that.

    My boyfriend opens my car door and walks on the side of me that’s closest to the street. The only time I feel awkward is when he pulls out my chair at a restaurant- it always seems to get stuck on the carpet or something, haha. I definitely appreciate the gesture though, it makes me feel taken care of.

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  89. says

    From one member to another of the IBTC I thank God my bf is also a butt man too:). As for the chivalrous gestures it’s so funny you mentioned that, it’s one of the first things that caught my attention about my current boyfriend. When I asked him about it (later of course, I’m not one to ruin the first few dates!) he said it was apart of his Mic Mac culture to “take care” of women. Sometimes I do have to remind him that I need my independance to feel like I can stand on my own, but I grealty appreciate his efforts especially when I need my tires changed on my car lol :). I also think it’s a give and take; my bf doesn’t love cooking and cleaning so I’m always more than happy to do what I do best! :)

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  90. says

    I love chivalry too! But also feel that opening a car door is silly. I mean if you’re there, then fine, but having someone go out of their way for me makes me feel uncomfortable. In fact, I’m also not too fond of when guys stand up from the table every time you get up from the table or come back to it.

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  91. says

    I appreciate chivalry… especially now days when the younger generation is not known for their chivalry. I think it shows a lot about a guys character and the way they think of women.

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  92. says

    I love chivalrous gestures, because I think they’re really rare nowadays. I especially like when a guy walks on the street side of the sidewalk, or makes sure I don’t step in a puddle. I think it shows that they are respectful of women :)

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  93. says

    I most certainly appreciate chivalry-call me old fashioned I don’t care! I 100 percent plan on raising any children I have to have uber manners-yes sir and yes ma’am! The thing about the stairs is really cute! I’ve never heard it!

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  94. Alieh says

    I really appreciate chivalry, but also want my man to know I’m independent. My boyfriend seems to know when to use chivalry and when to let me take care of myself! Early on in our relationship, I asked him why he didn’t do something, and he said, “I know you can take care of yourself, but you know I’ll back you up when you need or want me too.” Even little daily things are so helpful and sweet, like he’ll make me dinner when I’m busy studying. Can’t beat that!

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  95. says

    I definitely appreciate chivalry. Someone in my pubic speaking class just did a speech about chivalry yesterday and said that if everyone was more chivalrous then the world would be a better place. I totally agree! Everyone should be treated with respect.

    I love the IBTC reference! Whenever I was in middle school I was inducted into this exclusive club along with two of my girlfriends. I’ve been a proud member ever since! :)

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  96. Dukebdc says

    I’ll get off topic for just a sec: you can be a feminist AND the most avid traditional gender role advocate alive. Feminism means you get to choose how you live, not that you subscribe to one particular idealogy. Back to regular programming. :)

    My husband is totally old-school with the chivalry, and is the first to stop and help if someone appears to be in need. Before we were even dating, we went on a neighborhood walking tour with a group, and a woman tripped on the uneven sidewalk and landed heavily on her arm . She insisted for a bit that she was fine, but my husband could tell she had a serious injury, made her a sling from his own sweatshirt, and put her and her disabled son in a cab (that he paid for) to the nearest hospital! And he would claim to this day that it was no big deal what he did. I’m a lucky girl.

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  97. says

    I love chivalry but I never expect it and always am surprised to see it. Its so refreshing but definitely not the norm anymore…a chivalrous guy is usually a keeper :)

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  98. Michelle says

    I love chivalry to a point. Doors being opened for me, coat being offered in the cold, not letting a girl walk home alone after dark.. all very kind gestures that I think every man should make. I agree with you on the car door thing, I expect that from the person driving a celebrity around, not from my date.. and also pulling a seat out at a dinner table for you. That’s just awkward in my opinion.

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  99. Kathleen says

    I guess I’m one of the less traditional people that view your blog, but I think chivalry is silly, as is taking a man’s last name. Women continue to demand equal treatment (which is obviously a good thing), but then we revert back to old-school ideas for certain things we deem acceptable. I just don’t think it can work like that. I think people should be polite to each other, but opening doors and walking in front of us on the stairs just enforces the antiquated idea that we’re too weak to fend for ourselves. Same goes for taking a man’s last name. Why on earth should we take his last name?? My aunt kept her last name, and when she and her husband had two kids, each one got one of their last names’. They know they’re a family and they’re an incredibly loving and tight family at that. Having different last names doesn’t factor into the equation at all. I just think we should be continuing to move forward and question these silly “traditions”, rather than being stuck in the past.

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  100. says

    Ohh that breakfast parfait looks delicious! I’ve never thought of using cold oatmeal in a yogurt parfait!

    Chivalry is really important to me! I was raised thinking that a guy should automatically be that way so it’s so disappointing when they are not. I always appreciate it when a guy opens my door, pays for dinner, puts his hand on my low back to lead me, offers his coat.. the whole thing. It just makes me feel like a woman and like he actually cares! Though I had no idea about the whole stair thing! Good to know!

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  101. says

    I love chivalry! My boyfriend is really sweet about doing little things like opening he door or buying flowers on special occasions.
    I don’t feel like that makes me any less independent. They’re just nice gestures, and I think he would be upset if I didn’t go out of my way to do nice things for him too (like send mail/packages when we’re at college).

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  102. says

    I think ALL people should be more chivalrous! Opening doors, offering coats, being attentive, I think we all should be this way to our family, friends, and strangers!

    My man does walk behind me up the stairs, and I know he’s there, cause he smacks the cheeks the whole way up! lol!

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  103. says

    I am a sucker for chivalry! I live in the South, so it’s kind of expected here, too. Just for a man to think of a woman’s comfort is really sweet, in my opinion. It will get me every time!

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  104. Ellee says

    I definitely appreciate chivalry when it happens, and I think many men do still feel the need to be chivalrous. However, it also bothers me a little when women demand it and are offended or complain when a man isn’t chivalrous. I am all for women’s equality, and I think it is a little bit of a double standard to demand to be equal in one respect, and then demand to be treated special in another. So bascially I am not going to complain about it when it doesn’t happen, but will still recognize and appreciate it when it does!

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  105. says

    It’s definitely a sweet and kind gesture but it’s not for me. I have been dating / married to Forrest for almost 4 years and I think he’s opened the car door once after church – it was totally awkward. Am I sitting and shutting or just sitting and he is shutting…ahh – mass confusion. Gestures I appreciate: toilet seat down, cleaning up our Pomeranian’s poop, and giving me half of what he’s eating :)

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  106. says

    I think it’s a huge sign of respect. Yes, I am fully capable of opening the door for myself, but I think it’s an incredibly thoughtful gesture if my husband does it for me. He is just like that guy you met. He’s always helping people with things and fixing things for people.

    He always opens and closes the car door for me as well and I smile every time he does. One time he did it and a young couple saw. The girl turned to her boyfriend and said “Geez, how come you never do that for me anymore?” And he said something about how we must have just started dating and that’s what you do. We got into the car without really responding, but now I wish I would have said that we are, in fact, married.

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    • says

      Oh and I have to add this after reading another comment: I think it is so important that if a man unlocks and opens the car door for you, it’s only common courtesy to reach over and unlock his car door :)

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  107. Rochelle says

    My girlfriends and I were just talking about the stair thing this weekend, and we all agreed that was a little over the top, but cute (one friend is dating a guy who is over the top like that, and its a turn-off to her). We do appreciate chivalry though, like the doors and car doors, especially because those are the first questions my mom asks me about a new guy im dating…she knows the traits of a winner (my dad is just the right amount of gentlemen/chivalrous).

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  108. Sara says

    I guess I see the chivalrous gestures as common courtesy. If someone is coming behind me through a door, I hold it for them whether they are male or female. And I would expect a man to do the same. If we are walking into a building together, my husband usually opens the door. If it’s a building with two sets of doors, I open the next one for him. I’m not going to stand there waiting for him to come through and open the second one for me, too!

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  109. says

    I like it very much because just like you, I find them very polite and respectful. And it is not so common these days so you appreciate it even more

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  110. Amanda Jewell @ Science&Bananas says

    Love the “for the view” comment! At least he’s honest about it :-)
    I definitely am a fan of chivalry. Unfortunately, it feels like it hides as well as Bin Laden did (and is probably similarly watching the news about (the lack of ) itself in some creepy dungeon type room)

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  111. says

    I think chivalry is cute; I’m in high school, so its kinda rare thing to meet a nice and courteous boy. I get cold really easily and they always have the air conditioning blasting at school, so I usually just curl up in my desk and grin and bear it. But one time in science we had to go to the lab, and a boy noticed that I was shivering and gave me his jacket. It was so nice and sweet–I was so shocked!

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  112. says

    i love chivalry, when my bf does it…but when it’s strangers or someone that is not a romantic interest…i feel a little uncomfortable. i dont’ know why. (especially car doors!)

    my bf opened the door for an older woman, and she seemed pleasantly surprised and responded with “who said chivalry is dead?” :)

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  113. says

    I appreciate them from my husband, mostly because I know that HE knows that I am a strong, independant woman and he isn’t doing it because he thinks I can’t but because he wants to be nice to me. To take care of me.

    I love it when anyone holds the door open for me, although I am right there with you- when someone closes my car door, I feel SUPER pretentious.

    I married a white knight so if I didn’t like chivalry, I’d be in trouble. :)

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  114. says

    I think Chivalry goes a long way.
    I love that my boyfriend tries to protect me, and opens the door for me. Although I try to tease him, and tell him I can do it on my own, it is of course nice to have someone that you know will be there if you need it to make sure you are ok. My ex bf used to open the car door for me and I was not really a fan but he said that was what he was taught to do, so in return I would unlock his door for him since he had a manual car lock.. I think it should be a balance. I want someone to be my knight but don’t be obnoxious about it!!! :)

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  115. Carey @ Positively Blonde says

    I love chivalry in men! I think it can totally make or break a guy! I have been on far too many flights where I have seen a woman struggling to get her bag in the overhead compartment and the man behind her just stares- that really irks me!

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  116. Ashley says

    I love when guys are chivalrous when it makes sense…like opening car doors and walking on the side of the road closest to the cars.

    But I agree that when someone closes my door for me it just makes me feel plain silly…although I am a lady…I do have arms and can handle doing some things on my own and closing my door is one of them!

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  117. says

    I’m all for chivalrous actions. For me, I don’t think it’s so much that I necessarily like being treated like a lady as it is that I like a man to be a gentleman. I like a guy who had good manners, and I think chivalry is part of that.

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  118. says

    I love the fact that my husband is chivalrous. On one of our first dates, when I got up to use the restroom, he stood up too. I was immediately impressed. :-)

    And he opens the car door for me, but it’s usually just because he got there first.

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  119. says

    I TOTALLY agree. I hate it when women get mad at guys for being chivalrous. It’s so rude! I’m very independent by nature but I just think it’s not that he doesn’t think I’m incapable of opening my door he’s just showing me respect and honor! I’m all for chivalrous guys.

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  120. says

    I loveeee chivalrous gestures! I was born and raised in South Louisiana, so expecting those kind gesturing is just part of who i am. I’m independent don’t get me wrong, but i love those simple things :)

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  121. says

    I love chivalry — it’s not dead! :) My hubby opens the car door for me and I always find it thoughtful. He doesn’t do it each and every time, and I certainly don’t need him to, lol! But, I always think it’s sweet when he does.

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  122. Michele Sparrow says

    My hubby and I have been married for over 16 years now and he has always opened doors for me and carried in the groceries, pulled out my chair and just gone out of his way to put me first. We have 2 boys, 13 and 15 and if they even think of stepping in front of me to walk in the house first, their dad grab them by the back of the shirt (in love) and says “What you doing, mister?!” :-) But, I have always done the equivalent for him, meaning: I make his dinner, do his laundry, make sure he has what he needs and it is done in love. That’s what I appreciate about his gestures: it is clear that he does those things out of love and respect for me as his wife and I want to be sure he knows I feel the same way and demonstrate it in return!

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  123. says

    I think I appreciate the sentiment of thoughtfulness rather than chivalry. My husband does that and more, and not just for me but it always comes from a place of being considerate and helpful rather than ingrained ‘gender roles’ or how ‘men should behave’.

    I appreciate it a lot more because usually in my culture affection isn’t so publicly displayed so I know when he does do these little things for me (and not always either! ha.) he means it. I do exactly the same for him and for other people although in one instance it was really funny to see a grown man refuse to walk through a door I had opened for him!

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  124. says

    I totally appreciate chivalry because it is rare to see it often anymore. My uncle is the best guy in the world and he is always very attentive to my aunt and making sure she is happy and content before worrying about himself. I love it and it is so cute to watch them act like that even after 20+ years.

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