Chivalry

Tuesdays = Cardio = Sweaty

Another super schweaty workout!

Today’s workout began on the treadmill with this 25-minute doozy:

 

Minutes Incline Pace
0-5 5.0 3.8
5-10 1.0 6.5
10-20 1.0 Alternating 4.5 for one minute with 8.0 for one minute
20-25 8.0 4.0

…followed by 10 minutes on the stair master and 15 minutes on the elliptical.

Once my workout was done, I headed upstairs to find Ryan in the weights room. As I was walking up the stairs, he was walking down the stairs – perfect timing! I motioned for him to go in front of me, saying, “Ladies first,” because I’m nice like that. Winking smile

Ryan then told me that he learned that as a man, he should walk in front of a woman walking down the stairs in case she falls, so he could be there to brace her fall. I then said, “So I guess you walk behind the woman when she’s walking up the stairs in case she falls backward, right?”

His reply? “No. We walk behind her walking up the stairs for the view.” How charming. He’s a butt guy fo’ sho’. (And, as a proud member of the IBTC, thank goodness.)

Breakfast

When it came time to decide what to make for breakfast this morning, the decision was an easy one thanks to all of the fresh summer berries I had on hand.

Oatmeal and summer berry parfait, please!

oatmeal parfait 012

I layered Greek yogurt with cold oatmeal, raspberries, blueberries and sliced strawberries to make the parfait.

oatmeal parfait 008

It looked like the Fourth of July!  

Chivalry

My discussion with Ryan this morning about walking in front of a woman who is walking down stairs to ensure her safety got me thinking about chivalry on my morning walk with Sadie.

I consider myself a fairly independent person, but I’ve always, always appreciated traditional chivalrous gestures. I think they’re polite, respectful and courteous and should Ryan and I ever have a son, I want to raise a boy who opens doors for women, offers his coat to a woman who is cold and helps carry luggage at the airport. (Of course I would also want to raise a helpful and courteous daughter.)

During my family’s vacation to Europe last May, my sister and I were constantly impressed with one of the husbands on our trip. He was incredibly attentive to his wife, always helped people load and unload luggage and went the extra mile to make sure his wife was safe and comfortable. Leslie and I actually asked him if his parents engrained that in him or if it was an effort on his part. He said it “wasn’t an option.” Apparently his dad taught him that women are to be treated with respect and adoration.

While I appreciate it when Ryan opens a door for me, I feel totally awkward when guys open and close car doors for me. It makes me feel pretentious and just plain silly (unless they simply beat you to the car door after a date and open it for you to hop in). Still, I’m all for chivalrous acts. I don’t think they belittle women, but rather show that a man respects a woman enough to go out of his way to help her.

Question of the Morning

  • Do you appreciate chivalrous gestures? Why or why not?

Comments

  1. Linda says

    I was Miss Independant before I met my hubby. I never let guys open doors for me thinking that I wasn’t a helpless little girl. But when I met hubby he opened doors for me including the car door. I told him I didn’t need him to do that and he said he knew but he wanted to treat me right and pamper me. It’s not that I’m not able, it’s his way of showing he cares about me. He also orders my meals for me in a restaurant which I think is so adorable!

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  2. Danielle says

    I love it! My husband is not over the top with it but when he does do it, it makes me feel so special. I love the feeling of being protected. I think it’s sweet. He easily forgets the car door though which drives me nuts cause he has stupid Lamborghini style doors (not the car itself) that you have to open and lift up to get in. I hate those doors and they are heavy. I am constantly reminding him to open those doors for me. I am however the kind of gal who constantly beats him to doors so I’m usually the one holding them for him. I was shocked when my I first met friend’s son who was I think 12 at the time. It was a birthday party and after he let me in the house he offered to put my purse away and offered me a drink. I was like WTF? She said she made sure he was raised to treat a woman with respect. She said he had been opening doors for her for a while now.

    I do believe it’s more about respect then anything. We should all offer each other respect.

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  3. says

    I am all for chivalry. I went on a few first dates where the guy didn’t walk me to my door after a date, and that was the end of that.

    My boyfriend opens my car door and walks on the side of me that’s closest to the street. The only time I feel awkward is when he pulls out my chair at a restaurant- it always seems to get stuck on the carpet or something, haha. I definitely appreciate the gesture though, it makes me feel taken care of.

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  4. says

    From one member to another of the IBTC I thank God my bf is also a butt man too:). As for the chivalrous gestures it’s so funny you mentioned that, it’s one of the first things that caught my attention about my current boyfriend. When I asked him about it (later of course, I’m not one to ruin the first few dates!) he said it was apart of his Mic Mac culture to “take care” of women. Sometimes I do have to remind him that I need my independance to feel like I can stand on my own, but I grealty appreciate his efforts especially when I need my tires changed on my car lol :). I also think it’s a give and take; my bf doesn’t love cooking and cleaning so I’m always more than happy to do what I do best! :)

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  5. says

    I love chivalry too! But also feel that opening a car door is silly. I mean if you’re there, then fine, but having someone go out of their way for me makes me feel uncomfortable. In fact, I’m also not too fond of when guys stand up from the table every time you get up from the table or come back to it.

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  6. says

    I appreciate chivalry… especially now days when the younger generation is not known for their chivalry. I think it shows a lot about a guys character and the way they think of women.

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  7. says

    I love chivalrous gestures, because I think they’re really rare nowadays. I especially like when a guy walks on the street side of the sidewalk, or makes sure I don’t step in a puddle. I think it shows that they are respectful of women :)

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  8. says

    I most certainly appreciate chivalry-call me old fashioned I don’t care! I 100 percent plan on raising any children I have to have uber manners-yes sir and yes ma’am! The thing about the stairs is really cute! I’ve never heard it!

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  9. Alieh says

    I really appreciate chivalry, but also want my man to know I’m independent. My boyfriend seems to know when to use chivalry and when to let me take care of myself! Early on in our relationship, I asked him why he didn’t do something, and he said, “I know you can take care of yourself, but you know I’ll back you up when you need or want me too.” Even little daily things are so helpful and sweet, like he’ll make me dinner when I’m busy studying. Can’t beat that!

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  10. says

    I definitely appreciate chivalry. Someone in my pubic speaking class just did a speech about chivalry yesterday and said that if everyone was more chivalrous then the world would be a better place. I totally agree! Everyone should be treated with respect.

    I love the IBTC reference! Whenever I was in middle school I was inducted into this exclusive club along with two of my girlfriends. I’ve been a proud member ever since! :)

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  11. Dukebdc says

    I’ll get off topic for just a sec: you can be a feminist AND the most avid traditional gender role advocate alive. Feminism means you get to choose how you live, not that you subscribe to one particular idealogy. Back to regular programming. :)

    My husband is totally old-school with the chivalry, and is the first to stop and help if someone appears to be in need. Before we were even dating, we went on a neighborhood walking tour with a group, and a woman tripped on the uneven sidewalk and landed heavily on her arm . She insisted for a bit that she was fine, but my husband could tell she had a serious injury, made her a sling from his own sweatshirt, and put her and her disabled son in a cab (that he paid for) to the nearest hospital! And he would claim to this day that it was no big deal what he did. I’m a lucky girl.

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  12. says

    I love chivalry but I never expect it and always am surprised to see it. Its so refreshing but definitely not the norm anymore…a chivalrous guy is usually a keeper :)

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  13. Michelle says

    I love chivalry to a point. Doors being opened for me, coat being offered in the cold, not letting a girl walk home alone after dark.. all very kind gestures that I think every man should make. I agree with you on the car door thing, I expect that from the person driving a celebrity around, not from my date.. and also pulling a seat out at a dinner table for you. That’s just awkward in my opinion.

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  14. Kathleen says

    I guess I’m one of the less traditional people that view your blog, but I think chivalry is silly, as is taking a man’s last name. Women continue to demand equal treatment (which is obviously a good thing), but then we revert back to old-school ideas for certain things we deem acceptable. I just don’t think it can work like that. I think people should be polite to each other, but opening doors and walking in front of us on the stairs just enforces the antiquated idea that we’re too weak to fend for ourselves. Same goes for taking a man’s last name. Why on earth should we take his last name?? My aunt kept her last name, and when she and her husband had two kids, each one got one of their last names’. They know they’re a family and they’re an incredibly loving and tight family at that. Having different last names doesn’t factor into the equation at all. I just think we should be continuing to move forward and question these silly “traditions”, rather than being stuck in the past.

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  15. says

    Ohh that breakfast parfait looks delicious! I’ve never thought of using cold oatmeal in a yogurt parfait!

    Chivalry is really important to me! I was raised thinking that a guy should automatically be that way so it’s so disappointing when they are not. I always appreciate it when a guy opens my door, pays for dinner, puts his hand on my low back to lead me, offers his coat.. the whole thing. It just makes me feel like a woman and like he actually cares! Though I had no idea about the whole stair thing! Good to know!

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  16. says

    I love chivalry! My boyfriend is really sweet about doing little things like opening he door or buying flowers on special occasions.
    I don’t feel like that makes me any less independent. They’re just nice gestures, and I think he would be upset if I didn’t go out of my way to do nice things for him too (like send mail/packages when we’re at college).

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  17. says

    I think ALL people should be more chivalrous! Opening doors, offering coats, being attentive, I think we all should be this way to our family, friends, and strangers!

    My man does walk behind me up the stairs, and I know he’s there, cause he smacks the cheeks the whole way up! lol!

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  18. says

    I am a sucker for chivalry! I live in the South, so it’s kind of expected here, too. Just for a man to think of a woman’s comfort is really sweet, in my opinion. It will get me every time!

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  19. Ellee says

    I definitely appreciate chivalry when it happens, and I think many men do still feel the need to be chivalrous. However, it also bothers me a little when women demand it and are offended or complain when a man isn’t chivalrous. I am all for women’s equality, and I think it is a little bit of a double standard to demand to be equal in one respect, and then demand to be treated special in another. So bascially I am not going to complain about it when it doesn’t happen, but will still recognize and appreciate it when it does!

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  20. says

    It’s definitely a sweet and kind gesture but it’s not for me. I have been dating / married to Forrest for almost 4 years and I think he’s opened the car door once after church – it was totally awkward. Am I sitting and shutting or just sitting and he is shutting…ahh – mass confusion. Gestures I appreciate: toilet seat down, cleaning up our Pomeranian’s poop, and giving me half of what he’s eating :)

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  21. says

    I think it’s a huge sign of respect. Yes, I am fully capable of opening the door for myself, but I think it’s an incredibly thoughtful gesture if my husband does it for me. He is just like that guy you met. He’s always helping people with things and fixing things for people.

    He always opens and closes the car door for me as well and I smile every time he does. One time he did it and a young couple saw. The girl turned to her boyfriend and said “Geez, how come you never do that for me anymore?” And he said something about how we must have just started dating and that’s what you do. We got into the car without really responding, but now I wish I would have said that we are, in fact, married.

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    • says

      Oh and I have to add this after reading another comment: I think it is so important that if a man unlocks and opens the car door for you, it’s only common courtesy to reach over and unlock his car door :)

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  22. Rochelle says

    My girlfriends and I were just talking about the stair thing this weekend, and we all agreed that was a little over the top, but cute (one friend is dating a guy who is over the top like that, and its a turn-off to her). We do appreciate chivalry though, like the doors and car doors, especially because those are the first questions my mom asks me about a new guy im dating…she knows the traits of a winner (my dad is just the right amount of gentlemen/chivalrous).

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  23. Sara says

    I guess I see the chivalrous gestures as common courtesy. If someone is coming behind me through a door, I hold it for them whether they are male or female. And I would expect a man to do the same. If we are walking into a building together, my husband usually opens the door. If it’s a building with two sets of doors, I open the next one for him. I’m not going to stand there waiting for him to come through and open the second one for me, too!

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  24. says

    I like it very much because just like you, I find them very polite and respectful. And it is not so common these days so you appreciate it even more

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  25. Amanda Jewell @ Science&Bananas says

    Love the “for the view” comment! At least he’s honest about it :-)
    I definitely am a fan of chivalry. Unfortunately, it feels like it hides as well as Bin Laden did (and is probably similarly watching the news about (the lack of ) itself in some creepy dungeon type room)

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  26. says

    I think chivalry is cute; I’m in high school, so its kinda rare thing to meet a nice and courteous boy. I get cold really easily and they always have the air conditioning blasting at school, so I usually just curl up in my desk and grin and bear it. But one time in science we had to go to the lab, and a boy noticed that I was shivering and gave me his jacket. It was so nice and sweet–I was so shocked!

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  27. says

    i love chivalry, when my bf does it…but when it’s strangers or someone that is not a romantic interest…i feel a little uncomfortable. i dont’ know why. (especially car doors!)

    my bf opened the door for an older woman, and she seemed pleasantly surprised and responded with “who said chivalry is dead?” :)

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  28. says

    I appreciate them from my husband, mostly because I know that HE knows that I am a strong, independant woman and he isn’t doing it because he thinks I can’t but because he wants to be nice to me. To take care of me.

    I love it when anyone holds the door open for me, although I am right there with you- when someone closes my car door, I feel SUPER pretentious.

    I married a white knight so if I didn’t like chivalry, I’d be in trouble. :)

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  29. says

    I think Chivalry goes a long way.
    I love that my boyfriend tries to protect me, and opens the door for me. Although I try to tease him, and tell him I can do it on my own, it is of course nice to have someone that you know will be there if you need it to make sure you are ok. My ex bf used to open the car door for me and I was not really a fan but he said that was what he was taught to do, so in return I would unlock his door for him since he had a manual car lock.. I think it should be a balance. I want someone to be my knight but don’t be obnoxious about it!!! :)

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  30. Carey @ Positively Blonde says

    I love chivalry in men! I think it can totally make or break a guy! I have been on far too many flights where I have seen a woman struggling to get her bag in the overhead compartment and the man behind her just stares- that really irks me!

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  31. Ashley says

    I love when guys are chivalrous when it makes sense…like opening car doors and walking on the side of the road closest to the cars.

    But I agree that when someone closes my door for me it just makes me feel plain silly…although I am a lady…I do have arms and can handle doing some things on my own and closing my door is one of them!

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  32. says

    I’m all for chivalrous actions. For me, I don’t think it’s so much that I necessarily like being treated like a lady as it is that I like a man to be a gentleman. I like a guy who had good manners, and I think chivalry is part of that.

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  33. says

    I love the fact that my husband is chivalrous. On one of our first dates, when I got up to use the restroom, he stood up too. I was immediately impressed. :-)

    And he opens the car door for me, but it’s usually just because he got there first.

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  34. says

    I TOTALLY agree. I hate it when women get mad at guys for being chivalrous. It’s so rude! I’m very independent by nature but I just think it’s not that he doesn’t think I’m incapable of opening my door he’s just showing me respect and honor! I’m all for chivalrous guys.

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  35. says

    I loveeee chivalrous gestures! I was born and raised in South Louisiana, so expecting those kind gesturing is just part of who i am. I’m independent don’t get me wrong, but i love those simple things :)

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  36. says

    I love chivalry — it’s not dead! :) My hubby opens the car door for me and I always find it thoughtful. He doesn’t do it each and every time, and I certainly don’t need him to, lol! But, I always think it’s sweet when he does.

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  37. Michele Sparrow says

    My hubby and I have been married for over 16 years now and he has always opened doors for me and carried in the groceries, pulled out my chair and just gone out of his way to put me first. We have 2 boys, 13 and 15 and if they even think of stepping in front of me to walk in the house first, their dad grab them by the back of the shirt (in love) and says “What you doing, mister?!” :-) But, I have always done the equivalent for him, meaning: I make his dinner, do his laundry, make sure he has what he needs and it is done in love. That’s what I appreciate about his gestures: it is clear that he does those things out of love and respect for me as his wife and I want to be sure he knows I feel the same way and demonstrate it in return!

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  38. says

    I think I appreciate the sentiment of thoughtfulness rather than chivalry. My husband does that and more, and not just for me but it always comes from a place of being considerate and helpful rather than ingrained ‘gender roles’ or how ‘men should behave’.

    I appreciate it a lot more because usually in my culture affection isn’t so publicly displayed so I know when he does do these little things for me (and not always either! ha.) he means it. I do exactly the same for him and for other people although in one instance it was really funny to see a grown man refuse to walk through a door I had opened for him!

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  39. says

    I totally appreciate chivalry because it is rare to see it often anymore. My uncle is the best guy in the world and he is always very attentive to my aunt and making sure she is happy and content before worrying about himself. I love it and it is so cute to watch them act like that even after 20+ years.

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