And Then He Smiled

I am beginning to realize something about being a first-time mom. Right when you think you have everything figured out, things will inevitably change.

The first three weeks after Chase was born, Ryan and I were almost convinced we lucked out with an “easy” baby. My mom was in town, so I had a ton of support when Ryan had to go back to work the week after Chase’s birth and I am convinced that her company coupled with Chase’s eat-sleep-eat-sleep routine tricked us into thinking life with a new baby would be much easier than anticipated.

Yes, we were up a lot in the night in the beginning, but there is a big difference between waking up to nurse and immediately returning to sleep and waking up to nurse only to have your baby cry, fuss, or want to party it up for two hours at 2 a.m. We began to experience the latter right when Chase hit four weeks old. Experienced moms told me that this was when Chase finally “woke up” and I now had a baby on my hands, not a sweet, sleepy little newborn.

I read enough during pregnancy to know that the first six weeks with a baby are supposed to be really challenging. I assumed that this meant each week would be hard, but that the weeks would get progressively easier. Week one would be the hardest, week two would get a little easier and week three would be even easier yet as we learned more about what made our baby tick and how to best meet his needs. With Chase, every week after week four has seemed to get progressively more challenging.

Right around when Chase turned four weeks old, we were introduced to the “witching hour” of inconsolable crying in the hour or two before bedtime. And then Chase no longer went back to sleep after every nighttime feeding, often resulting in two-hour stretches of rocking and soothing in the middle of the night. Chase only seemed to settle when he was being held or nursing and I was finally hit with the kind of exhaustion and frustration that brings you to tears.

And then, in the midst of the sleepless nights and days packed with poopy diapers and spit up, Chase smiled.

His eyes began to lock with mine for a little longer. His coos began to morph from fussy cries into excited squeals.

Oh yes, the screams, tears and breakdowns continue, but I know it’s all part of this incredible journey.

Chase is growing and changing every day and I feel so lucky to be able to watch my little boy enter into each new phase of his life. I feel so lucky to be able to cuddle his soft little body on my chest and when he falls asleep as I’m holding him, I often cannot help but kiss his forehead and inhale his wonderful baby smell.

Being a mom is challenging and completely consuming but it’s also, without a doubt, the most unbelievably incredible thing in the world. Chase is everything to me and each exhausting day we spend together only makes me fall deeper and deeper in love with my little boy.

{Photos 2 and 6: Brooke Whitney Photography}