After such an emotionally draining week, by the time Sunday afternoon hit, I wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for a week but I am happy to share that while our hearts are aching and missing Sadie fiercely, we’re having good moments, too. You guys assured me they would come and while today is exactly one week since we lost our Sadie girl, I am feeling stronger every day. Yesterday I reached for regular mascara for the first time since her passing (versus no mascara or waterproof mascara) and I am taking that as a good sign.
I was chatting with a friend of mine late last week about Sadie and how we’re all doing and I told her that mom life is a big-time blessing right now because it has propelled me forward. I love the way Nora McInerny says the goal is not to “move on” from grief but to “move forward” with it. I’ve taken that to heart and am focusing on moving forward with a huge piece of Sadie in my heart always. Our family makes it impossible for me not to find joy and feel deep gratitude in my everyday life amid our collective sadness and I’m so incredibly thankful for Ryan and the boys.
I’ve had a lot of questions about Chase and Ryder and how they’re doing with everything and I actually feel like I could write a whole blog post about this but that feels sad and weird and awkward.
The short summary is that Chase is actually handling it pretty well. He understands that Sadie is not alive anymore and seems to find happiness in thinking of Sadie and God working together to show our family signs that Sadie is okay and that she still loves us and wants us to be okay without her. He also asked if we can get another dog and Ryan and I were like sloooow your roll, buddy. We’re not there yet.
Ryder is doing okay, too, but every day he asks about Sadie, where she is and whether or not she’s coming back. He’ll also pause when we talk about our family to ask us, “and Sadie, too?” (yes, Sadie is always included in our family) and will abruptly says things like “Sadie is dead.” He understands she’s not in our house anymore but I think the whole concept of death and heaven is a lot for a three-year-old so we’re trying to keep things as simple as possible for him without scaring or overwhelming him.
As for how Ryan and I are doing, we’re talking about Sadie a lot and I am trying to smile rather than cry when we do something out of habit that reminds us of Sadie which happens approximately 5,000 times a day. It’s crazy to me how ingrained in our everyday life Sadie was and how so many little things remind me of her all day long. She was just the best girl and we’re missing her a lot.
Okay, before I continue to write 5,000 more words about our dog, I should probably continue on with this post and the weekend recap I planned to write…
We celebrated Ryder’s third birthday on Friday! We surprised him first thing in the morning with streamers on his bedroom door and presents from our family and his grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousins.
He’s a very loved little boy and enjoyed swimming at the pool with friends and digging into homemade cake with our family and Granddad on his special day!
Saturday morning kicked off with a family walk. It felt weird not to click Sadie’s leash on her wiggly little body and have her lead the way but it was still a good walk and Chase and Ryder loved running all over the trails near our house.
When we got home, they wanted to do some driveway fishing in the new blow-up boat we gave Ryder for his birthday.
We got Ryder the three-person size because we wanted all of our kids to be able to ride in it together and also have it work for adults, too. Plus, we had a feeling it would be a big-time hit at Ryder’s beach birthday party later that day.
The rest of our Saturday revolved around nap times and party prep until 4 p.m. when we loaded up our car and planned to head out to the beach near our house to set up for Ryder’s lakeside birthday party. Unfortunately it was at this very moment that the skies opened up and it started pouring.
We were worried his whole party would have to be canceled for about 30 minutes but once the rain slowed to a drizzle, we began setting everything up and let our friends know we were still on if they felt comfortable joining.
(My tie-wrap coverup skirt is a recent $15 find. My bikini is Splendid via RueLaLa but it’s all sold out. Ryder’s life jacket is HyperLite. We got it on Amazon but they haven’t been restocked in months and only seen it for $65 other places online which is crazy. We paid around $30 and I’ve been told Costco has them this year!)
Thankfully almost everyone made it and the kids had an absolute blast!
It was so, so fun to watch them all splash and swim and play on the various floats and boats and the floating mat we brought to the beach for everyone to enjoy.
(This inflatable drink pool was an impulse Amazon purchase I had to have when I was ordering beach decor for Ryder’s party. It’s the best kind of tacky. Ryan and I said this thing may have to become a staple at all of our parties from here on out.)
(Our slightly soggy spread. We went with simple kid-friendly food and Chick-fil-A nuggets.)
After the week we had last week, I’m so glad we kept Ryder’s party simple (we used Amazon + Dollar Tree for basically everything other than the food) and I’m even happier that we went ahead and planned a birthday party for our special guy. It gave us something special to look forward to and a positive place to direct our energy when a lot of last week was just really, really sad.
As everyone was packing up and heading out, Ryan and I were helping the boys change into dry clothes when a beautiful vizsla walked right by us! It was so amazing and the second vizsla I’ve seen since Sadie’s passing. (The first one was on my first solo walk without Sadie and I burst into tears the second I saw it and definitely freaked out the man who was out running with his dog at 6 a.m.) I am finding comfort and joy in believing these vizsla sightings are the work of an amazing Sadie + God collaboration. I’d like to believe the vizsla we saw on Saturday was Sadie’s way of being a part of Ryder’s special day. The whole family together!
Sunday was Father’s Day and early last week Ryan said, “If Father’s Day is in any way causing you stress, please just skip over it this year.” It was such a kind thing to say since he knew we were all struggling but I didn’t want to skip over Father’s Day when we have such a good dad in our house to celebrate! We surprised Ryan with a few small gifts and then made our way into the city for a morning at Discovery Place.
We’ve been members of Discovery Place since Chase was a baby but it had been well over a year since our last visit thanks to the pandemic. It was so great to return and I’m pretty sure every time we take our little quarantine baby to a new place his mind just explodes.
So many cool things to look at that aren’t our living room!
Before heading home, we swung by Reigning Doughnuts in NoDa and then Ryan dropped me and Rhett off so Rhett could nap and I could work while he took the big kids out to lunch with his dad.
We wrapped up our Father’s Day fun with stovetop popcorn, movie night and early bedtimes all around.
As for the week ahead, we’re trucking along with ISR lessons for Rhett and Ryder everyday and have plans with friends for some pool play dates and splash pad fun. I’m also planning to share Ryder’s three-year-old update on the blog and hope to see you back here again soon.
Thanks for making my blog a part of your day and thank you, once again, for showing our family so much love and caring for Sadie along with us. It truly means a lot to me to know that she made so many of you smile, too.